There once was a girl from Decatur
Who got laid by a big alligator.
Now, nobody knew
The result of that screw,
Because after he laid her, he ate her.

There once was a girl from Mitchen
Who was scratching her twat in the kitchen.
Her mother said, “Rose,
you’ve got crabs I suppose.”
She said, “Yes and those fuckers are ‘itchin!”

An exotic young lady named Suki,
Once danced in a troupe of kabuki,
When asked for a fuck,
he said, “Solly, no luck…
See here: looky looky, no nuki “

A mortician who practiced in Fife
Made love to the corpse of his wife.
“How could I know, Judge?
She was cold, dinna budge –
Just the same as she acted in life.”

I know a tall Sunday school teacher,
Who wanted to screw the short preacher.
She flashed him some thigh,
But her pussy seemed high,
So he stood on a chair just to reach her.

A strange young fellow from Leeds
Rashly swallowed a package of seeds.
Great tufts of fine grass
Sprouted out of his ass
And his balls were covered with weeds.

There once was a man from Cheyenne
Of women, he was a fan
But they thought “Damn he’s fat!”
“I’m not touching that!”
So he had to rely on his hand.