Were you a more elegant chap,
I’d ask to sit down on your lap
Cross-legg’d, like a swami
For ‘hide the salami’,
But it seems that you’re ill with the clap!

I know that you’ll think me quite dotty,
But please, no caffeine in the latte!
One simple espresso -
I put on a dress, oh,
And really start acting quite naughty!

There once was a man from Montrass,
Who had balls that were made of fine brass.
In stormy weather,
They both clanged together,
And sparks flew out of his ass!

A mathematician named Hall
Had a hexahedronical ball
The square of its weight
Times his pecker plus eight
Was two-thirds of three-fifths of fuck-all

I sat by the Duchess at tea
And she asked: “Do you fart when you pee?”
I said with some wit:
“Do you belch when you shit?”
And I felt it was one-up for me.

There was a young Rabbi from peru,
Who was vainly attempting to screw,
His wife said “Oi vey”,
If you keep up this way,
The Messiah will come before you do.

There once was a singer named Elton
who had the girls hearts all a’meltin’.
But soon they discovered
he was a man lover;
twas dicks he’d rather be feltin’.