There once was a pirate named Bates
Who attempted to rhumba on skates.
He fell on his cutlass
Which rendered him nutless
And practically useless on dates.

There was a young man named Sweeny
Who spilled some gin on his weenie.
He thought this uncouth,
So he added vermouth,
And slipped his girl a martini.

There once was a man from St. Paul
who’s prick was incredible small.
He got down on the rug
and screwed a bug,
but the bug didn’t feel it at all!!

There once was a fellow from Yuma,
Who told an elephant joke to a puma.
Now his skeleton lies,
Under hot western skies,
The Puma had no sense of huma!

Said a diffident lady named Drood
the first time she saw a man nude,
“I’m glad I’m the sex
that’s concave not convex
for I don’t fancy things that protrude.”

There was a young man who’s dong
Was prodigiously, massively long
Down the sides of his whang,
two testes did hang
Which attracted a curious throng.

A young engineer name of Paul
Was equipped with an octagonal ball.
The square of his weight
Times his pecker, plus eight
Is his phone number, give him a call.