Brigadier Fotheringay
Had a permanent trouser affray,
And his aim when he fired
Was so rarely admired
For his shooting went often astray.

Gershwin enjoyed the caress
Of the cows that he kept and I guess
Out of all of the herd
Which he screwed he preferred
To be stuffing his porky in Bess.

A randy young girl with no hair
Promised bliss if I shaved myself bare;
But my scrotum is wrinkly
And awfully crinkly;
The hell I can shave myself there.

There was a young fellow called Lloyd
Who was frequently under-employed
At his regular job
So he polished his knob
Making customers very annoyed.

Poor Gregory can’t get his pole
Up his girl for a tumble and roll
For he has a square peg,
And his paramour Meg
Has a perfectly circular hole.

Vidi a young Latin lass
And vici her heart and her ass.
She fondled genteely
My membrum virile
But veni too quickly alas.

A mezzo-soprano called Pat
Said, “I can’t sing soprano like that.”
Until one day she sat on
The end of my baton
And climaxed in upper A flat.