Once a young woman named Alice
Used a dynamite stick for a phallus.
They found her vagina
In North Carolina,
And part of her anus in Dallas.

For money, and something to clamp on
Young Suzi inserted a tampon.
She diddled her cunt
‘Til she came with grunt
And then sold it still fresh with her damp on.

There was a young man from Wales
Whose yachting technique never fails.
He dines on baked beans
And plenty of greens,
And his farts put the wind in the sails.

That piano man’s surely the leanest
and shortest and smallest and meanest.
I aquired him, said Feeny,
As a gift from a Genie
When he thought I said thirteen-inch painist

There once was a man named Ray
Who fashioned a cunt out of clay
But the heat of his prick
Turned the clay into brick
And tore all his foreskin away

There once was a freshman named Lin,
Whose tool was as thin as a pin,
A virgin named Joan
From a bible belt home,
Said “This won’t be much of a sin.”

Two guys at a condom convention
Attracted a lot of attention.
“Who’s dong is the bigger?
“They argued with vigour;
But still it’s a bone of contention.