There was a young fellow named Simon
Who tried to discover a hymen,
But he found every girl
Had relinquished her pearl
In exchange for a solitaire diamond!

There once was a woman from Arden
Who was seen sucking a man in the garden
Her mother said, “Flo,
Where does it all go??
And she said, “Gulp, Beg your pardon?”

There was an old man from Roupe
who had lost all control of his poop.
One night at supper
his wife said, “Now Tupper,
stop making that noise with your soup!”

There once was a boy named Kevin
Who used a vacuum to stretch it to seven,
Then eight and then nine,
And though ten was divine,
There will be film at eleven.

There was a young girl from Penzance
Who boarded a bus in a trance
A passenger fucked her
And so’d the conductor
The driver shot off in his pants.

There once was a woman named Schott
Who ate only pig shit and snot
When she ran out of these,
She lived on the cheese
That grew in the folds of her twat

“I’ll tell you,” smiled prom chairman Mose,
“Why Peggy’s the prom queen I chose:
She’s as cheerfully free
As the wind on the sea -
And besides, like the wind, Peggy blows!”