Arrivals, once welcomed by verses

Arrivals, once welcomed by verses
Extolling our welcome, not curses
Will now likely see
Suspicion, as we
First must check what’s in their purses

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There once was a man named Sweeney

There once was a man named Sweeney

Who spilled some gin on his weenie.

Being quite couth,

he added vermouth,

And slipped his wife a martini.

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There was an old man with a beard

There was an old man with a beard
Who said, “It is just as I feared:
When I take to the air
My profuse facial hair
Will no longer get me cashiered.”

If this were a matter of wit

If this were a matter of wit,
A crappy retort might seem fit.
But while some face the fact
That the world needs to act,
His advice is ‘just don’t give a shit’.

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BoJo Brexit Limerick

“No-Deal“ means there’s less to administer!
Mumbled BoJo, the latest prime minister,
Let’s all say “Adieu!”
To that meddling EU,
And ignore that our future looks sinister!

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Habañeros are not toys.

A pepper I chopped to the nub
Cooked with eggs for my breakfast grub
Then in a stall
I scratched at my balls
The burn eased when I teabagged my tub
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The mad king

A king who was mad at the time,

Decreed Limerick writing a crime.

But late in the night,

All the poets would write,

Limericks that didn’t have any rhyme or meter

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The country’s in need of repair

“The country’s in need of repair
As killings occur everywhere.
While clearly the cause
Is the lack of gun laws,
The only solution is prayer”

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Captain Carter

There was a sea captain named Carter,
Who was a tremendous farter,
When the wind wouldn't blow,
And the ship wouldn't go,
Carter, the farter, would start her.
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A man with the brain of a Cheeto

A man with the brain of a Cheeto
Thought victims were killed in Toledo.
“I haven’t a clue
But act like I do”,
Is the president’s favourite credo

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