There once was a man named Mort,

There once was a man named Mort,
Whose dick was incredibly short.
When he climbed into bed
His lady friend said,
“That’s not a dick it’s a wart!”

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There was a young sailor from Brighton

There was a young sailor from Brighton
Who said to his girl, “You’re a tight ‘un.”
She replied, “Pon my soul,
You’re in the wrong hole.
There’s plenty of room in the right ‘un.”

There was a young lassie from Morton,

There was a young lassie from Morton,
who had one long tit and one short ‘en,
on top of all that,
a great hairy twat,
and a fart like a six fifty Norton.

There was a young man from Pitlocherie

There was a young man from Pitlocherie,
making love to his girl in the rockery,
she said, “Look you’ve cum,
all over my bum,
This isn’t a shag it’s a mockery.”

A broken-down lecher named Tupps

A broken-down lecher named Tupps
Was heard to confess in his cups:
“The height of my folly
Was diddling a collie –
But I got a nice price for the pups.”

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There was a young lady named Hilda

There was a young lady named Hilda
Who went driving one night with a builda.
He said that he should
That he could and he would,
And he did and it pretty near killda.

There was a young lady from Nizes

There was a young lady from Nizes
whose breasts were two different sizes.
One was so small
it was nothing at all,
but the other was huge and won prizes.

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