There once was a man from Greeling
who pounded his pud with great feeling
and like a red rainbow trout
he’d stick his tongue out
and wait for the drops from the ceiling
Category: Original Content
There once was a man named Pierre
There once was a man named Pierre
He was fucking this bitch on the stair
But the banister broke,
In his thirty-third stroke
So he finished her off in mid-air
There once was an abbot of Brittany
There once was an abbot of Brittany
Who chanted this desolate litany:
“If Christ is the Source
Of Divine Intercourse,
Then how come I don’t ever gitany?”
“My harem now has what it lacked,”
“My harem now has what it lacked,”
The sultan expansively cracked.
“There are bunk beds for all
Where the dears wait my call,
Since the women I ball must be stacked!”
There once was a man from Nantucket,
There once was a man from Nantucket,
Whose dong was so long he could suck it.
He walked down the street,
Just a swinging his meat.
While he carried he’s balls in a bucket.
There was a young fellow from Florida
There was a young fellow from Florida,
Who liked a friend’s wife, so he borrowed her.
When they got into bed,
He cried, “God strike me dead,
This isn’t a cunt, it’s a corridor!”
In the garden of Eden lay Adam
In the garden of Eden lay Adam
Softly stroking the loins of his madam
On his face was great mirth
’cause he knew on this earth
There were only two balls and he had ’em.
It was tried by the dancer, Di Basle,
It was tried by the dancer, Di Basle,
Whose cunt was just made for a nozzle.
She said, “I admit
It’s an elegant fit,
But of course it won’t do for the arse hole.”
There was a young man from Rangoon
There was a young man from Rangoon,
Whose farts could be heard to the moon.
When you’d least expect ’em,
They’d burst from his rectum
With the force of a raging typhoon.
There was a young lassie named Wainright
There was a young lassie named Wainright
Who enjoyed the position that a dog might
over her shoulder she found
when she looked around
A whole new meaning for hindsight
There once was a man from Australia
There once was a man from Australia,
Who went on a wild bacchanalia.
He buggered a frog,
Two mice, and a dog,
And a bishop in fullest regalia.
There once was an altar boy from Crewe
There once was an altar boy from Crewe,
Who remarked as the vicar withdrew,
“The Bishop was quicker,
And thicker and slicker,
And two inches longer than you.”
There once was a girl from Nantucket
There once was a girl from Nantucket.
Her boyfriend was about to up-chuck it.
she said with a grin,
wipe that cum from your chin.
I told you it’s my job to suck it!
There was a young fellow from Sparta
There was a young fellow from Sparta.
A really magnificent farter.
On the strength of one bean
He’d fart “God Save the Queen”,
And Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata.
“I’ve some great news fro you, Mrs. Smith.”
“I’ve some great news for you, Mrs. Smith.”
Her pregnancy showed to Doc Prith.
“It’s not a Mrs., you know.
I divorced long ago.”
“Then I’ve some bad news now, Miss Smith…”
There once was a man from Winsocket
There once was a man from Winsocket,
Who rode down the street on a rocket.
The force of the blast
blew his balls up his ass,
And his pecker was found in his pocket.
The last time I dined with the King
The last time I dined with the King
He did a most curious thing.
He sat on a stool,
Took out his tool,
And said, “If I play will you sing?”
There was a young man from Saint Paul
There was a young man from Saint Paul
Who went to a masquerade ball.
Just for a stunt
He went dressed as a cunt,
And was fucked by a dog in the hall.
Since a stage-struck massage girl named Hart
Since a stage-struck massage girl named Hart
Knows directors who sample her art,
She’s aware what controls
The assignment of roles
Is a good working grasp of the part.
There was once a man from Kent
There was once a man from Kent
Whose tool was so long that it bent
To save him the trouble
He put it in the double
And instead of coming he went.
I was cleaning the house in the nude
I was cleaning the house in the nude,
The neighbor gal said I was rude,
For not closing the drapes,
While I scoured and scraped,
It made her quite ill, so she sued.
There was a young sailor called Dave
There was a young sailor called Dave
Who kept a dead whore in a cave
It took him some pluck
To have a cold fuck
But think of the money he saved!
There was a young lady from Ayr
There was a young lady from Ayr
Who remarked, “There is naught to compare
With the size and the force
And the thrust of a horse
As it fucks my sweet derri”
There once was a warrior from Parma
There once was a warrior from Parma
Who got into bed with a charmer
She, naturally nude,
Said, Don’t think me rude,
But I do wish you’d take off your armor.
In chapel the sight of young May
In chapel the sight of young May
Caused young Timothy trouser affray
And a sticky wet palm
At the end of the psalm
When the minister said “Come, Let us spray.”
There once was a man from Belgras
There once was a man from Belgras
Who had balls made out of glass
On hot sunny days
They focused the sun’s rays
And burned all the hair off his ass
When asked to do something salacious
When asked to do something salacious,
She answered, “Of course not! Good gracious!”
But the sight of his tool
So induced her to drool
That her view, in the end, proved fellatious.
This is the tale of woe of a small boy named Lou
This is the tale of woe of a small boy named Lou
Sitting in a crowded church with his family, who
Turned to his father, Bart,
And whispered, “Dad, I’ve got to fart !”
Said Bart, “If you do, you must sit in your own pew.”
A young woman from the Land Where the Sun Rises
A young woman from the Land Where the Sun Rises
Had boobs of unequal sizes.
The left one was small
And didn’t seem abnormal at all,
But the right one was so huge it won prizes.
There once was a queen from Bulgariar
There once was a queen from Bulgariar
whose bush grew hairier and hairier
a prince from Peru
came up for a screw
and had too hunt for her cunt with a terrier.
Once a young gay from Khartoum
Once a young gay from Khartoum
Took a lesbian up to his room.
They argued all night
Over who had the right
To do what, and with which, and to whom.
There was a young lady of Arden
There was a young lady of Arden,
Who sucked off ol’ Bob in the garden.
He asked, “You old ho,
Where does all that stuff go?”
And she said, “(swallow hard)- Beg pardon?”
Said Piglet to Kanga the ‘roo
Said Piglet to Kanga the ‘roo,
“I’m achin’ to give you a screw.
“Not now, for I’m knobbin’
Young Christopher Robin’,
Said Kanga, “Try Winnie the Pooh.”
An accident really uncanny
An accident really uncanny,
Befell an unfortunate granny.
She sat down in a chair
While her false teeth were there,
And bit herself right in the fanny.
Young Caroline acts like a prude
Young Caroline acts like a prude
But has thoughts which are crude;
Behind innocent eyes
Belie dampness of thighs
And the fact she’s been recently screwed.
“So you want a vasectomy you fool?
“So you want a vasectomy you fool?
Just lift up your tool
And I’ll show you some tricks
With a couple of bricks
I was taught in a veterinary school.
There was a young lad from Bahrain
There was a young lad from Bahrain
Who prayed to the heavens for rain;
For he’d squirted his goo
All over his shoe
And he couldn’t get rid of the stain.
“Fallopian tube dead ahead!”
“Fallopian tube dead ahead!”
Cried the sperm as he upwardly sped.
Then the splosh and the sploosh
And the whoosh of a douche
Flushed him downwards and outwards instead.
This Playboy is mine I can tell
This Playboy is mine I can tell
‘Cause it has a peculiar smell.
Page twenty is rude
And appears to be glued
To another ten pages as well.
As clicketty-clack went the train
As clicketty-clack went the train
Over points it affected Miss Jane
In mysterious ways
For she left in a daze
With a highly embarrassing stain.
And now she’s addicted to trains
To relieve her frustrations and pains;
And the faster their speed
The more urgent her need
And the more satisfaction she gains.
She started to fondle and grope
She started to fondle and grope
“My god! It’s so huge! I can’t cope!
It’s ENORMOUS”, she cried.
And he laughed and replied,
That’s my leg you’ve got hold of, you dope.”
He’d oft shoot his load over Dot
He’d oft shoot his load over Dot
And from yards hit the relevant spot,
But at eighty, instead
Of a geyser, old Ted
Merely dribbles it into her twat.
There was a young farmer from Delhi
There was a young farmer from Delhi
Whose thing reduced lovers to Jelhi
He had them in bed,
in the barn and the shed,
but alone he just came on his Belhi
There once was a man with no class
There once was a man with no class
And his balls were made out of brass
When it came to bad weather,
His balls smashed together
And lightening bolts flew out his ass
From England there was an old bloke
From England there was an old bloke
Who picked up a girl for a poke
He pulled down her pants
Fucked her into a trance
And then shit in her shoe as a joke.
There once was a philosopher named Pam
There once was a philosopher named Pam
With a libedo the size of Japan
While screwing in bed,
It entered her head
I fuck therefore I am.
A newlywed bride, Mrs. Young
A newlywed bride, Mrs. Young
asked the doctor to fix her torn lung.
When asked how it ripped
she replied as she stripped,
“That man I married is hung.”
There once was a lady from Nizus,
There once was a lady from Nizus,
Who had breasts of two different sizes,
One was small,
and round like a ball
And the other was big and won prizes
There once was an employee named Ross
There once was an employee named Ross
Who was fired one day by his boss
Because he was found
With his pants on the ground
Dripping nasty stuff into the sauce
There was a young girl of the Azores
There was a young girl of the Azores
Whose cunt was covered in sores
The dogs in the street
Wouldn’t eat the green meat
That hung in festoons from her drawers