Category: Original Content - Page 4

A museum in Denmark, did pick

A museum in Denmark did pick

A great artist to do his trick

When they gave him cash

He fled in a flash

Not sure if he’s a genius or prick

This man went out for a drink

Had too many and needed a wink

He never came home

The woods friends did comb

Woke up, said “I’ll help them I think”

He’d had more than a drink or two

Pulled over, a .08 he blew

The cops locked him up

But a plan he thought up

And taped a spare key to his shoe

At a park, Merkel shared a few words

While feeding some tropical birds

Then one bit her hand

And the photo was grand

Plus I’m sure she was covered in turds

Events like this are quite rare

And must be handled with care

I doubt he’d admit

If his pants, he shit

When in his garage was a bear

These leaders were having a chat

And quite a good one at that

But Peanut thought

He’d risk a swat

Being cute is what he is good at

Pets, they can make perfect friends

They’ll love right up ‘til their ends

But some cats and dogs

Been replaced with hogs

And others that belong in pens

A cow had gone to Mickey D’s

In a sedan, it did have to squeeze

In the drive-thru

The patron did moo

Could someone explain this one, please?

The school’s near forests and trees

Which is great at blocking the breeze

Raccoons live there too

And nobody knew

They’d infect the whole school with fleas

This woman was acting quite rude

After pulling a stunt oh so lewd

Her ass, it was out

“Don’t touch me!” she spout

All for taking a dip in the nude

Australia’s got poisonous snails,

Snakes, and pissed off killer whales

But you better not mock

Someone bit by a croc

Because this guy, he’s tough as nails

Some people just don’t have a clue

How you should act at the zoo

Just like this asshat

Who pestered the cat

And ended up with a boo-boo

The diamonds, this woman did spot

So with her some pebbles she brought

The rocks, she tried to switch

In hopes of getting rich

Did she really think she’d not get caught?

Retirement’s not meant for some

It may make them feel like a bum

Like this lady from Maine

Said work keeps her sane

Catching lobsters until she goes numb

Every now and then you’ll catch a fish

That would make quite the nice dish

But this one caught by Ben

Just might be a ten

I mean look at the size of that bitch!

They put their supplies in their place

Getting ready to send it to space

NASA had a surprise

For their girls and their guys

With some pizza to stuff their face

In intelligence, there was a lack

Or maybe he was just on crack

His plan was bizarre

Cause he stole a car

Then got caught when selling it back

‘Twas more than football to look at

As there was a dangling cat

Who could have died

And we would have cried

Thankfully it didn’t go splat

This wasn’t a monkey or snake

That made its attempted jailbreak

Momentarily

The rhino was free

Not another Harambe heartbreak

Not carrying a gun or a knife

But still this will cause him some strife

Sick with COVID

He went and hid

And tried to fly dressed as his wife

A woman had the perfect view

From her home, she bought with her boo

She’s headed to court

Neighbors, to report

To remove the tall tree that they grew

These taxis are stuck in their spots

In some Thailand parking lots

Planting on the car roof

This isn’t a goof

But seems to work better than pots

A snake’s on the loose in Raleigh

After some moron’s folly

A bite from this guy

Could cause you to die

And seeing it might make you pee

On the chair some like to sit

As quite a few it can fit

Whoever came through

And broke it in two

Is a real piece of dog shit

Are you in search of a house?

Then you should send this to your spouse

For sale in Boston

This one is quite thin

But pretty roomy if you’re a mouse

Things have slowed down quite a bit

In Bali, the tourists quit

Handing out food

Which monkeys find rude

And in turn, are going ape shit

Their number exceeded their quotes

And they certainly are lacking oats

So they’re drawing names

To those who want claims

To all of these Hawaiian goats

The mouse trap is a great device

It’s fast and it’s quick and precise

But our blokes down under

Need lightning’ and thunder

To exterminate this many mice

This kid just swam ‘cross the lake

Plus an age record he did break

At only fourteen

His feats are pristine

And you just sit there eating cake

The tenant could not pay his debts

Vacating without some assets

The landlord showed up

To do a checkup

Instead found a houseful of pets

From restaurants, a man had been stealing

He squirmed on the floor, not the ceiling

Kept his body low

So alarms didn’t blow

Now I hope he finds jail floors appealing

The pothole had got quite shitty

But no one would pay the fee

Raymond found a fix

But not one with bricks

And in its place, he put a tree

They think this shit hole is nice

Especially, given the price

As the inmates leave

Their own nests they weave

As the prison is now run by mice

As we split up our cottons and lace

Their own smells, astronauts, must embrace

But Tide will be to thank

If they can end the stank

And help them do their laundry in space

Two brothers, they hiked really high

So between two tall peaks, they could tie

The old record, they beat

With this dangerous feat

Just get shit-faced like a normal guy

This guy has got quite the luck

As gold, he truly has struck

He won thousands more

Where he’s won before

How can’t you envy this fuck?

The ticket went into her bag

When she won she didn’t brag

‘Cause she didn’t know

That she’d won the dough

Which would really have been quite a drag

With the cat, she was having some fun

Using the laser pointer on a gun

Things soon went awry

Her friend shot in the thigh

Just about a foot of his bun

From their reserve, the elephants fled

300 miles, each other they’ve led

Being up to 5 tons

They are quite big ones

Thankfully no one’s has ended up dead

His car had maxed out his speed

So he got stopped for his deed

During the infraction

He jumped into action

And saved him from choking on weed

In Europe, tensions did boil

So lawyers began to toil

Two chocolate hares

‘Swhat caused the affairs

And all of it over gold foil

Twitter really tried to stay cool

By giving their users a new tool

It wasn’t desired

And Promptly backfired

If you use it you’re a fucking fool

She needed exposure, hands-on

So he gave her an apron to don

Fifteen years she stayed

Then offered a trade

A buck for the whole damn salon

Customs located a stash

Of eyelash after eyelash

But the FDA

Did have their say

And think they could cause quite a rash

Most birds gather pebbles and sticks

And munch on some worms or some ticks

But before the flock split

They fucked up her shit

Who knew condors could be such dicks

In Florida, the pigeons did roam

Looking for their home sweet home

Landed on the highway

Decided they’re stray

Now eating trash and styrofoam

They thought they were quite clever folk

But now they’re just in jail and broke

They surely paid

For the cake they made

Their sweet treat was actually coke

A man from Wyoming got high

On a substance he wanted to try

Then he called the cops

So they sent in their ops

Now to meth, he’ll have to say “bye”

For mayor, he wanted their pick

So on stage, he gave his shtick

But soon interrupted

As chaos erupted

Because of a drone with a dick

Some people care for stray cats

With treats and kisses and pats

And feeding a duck

Is not gross as fuck

But it is when it’s 20 rats