To sell it quite high was their aim
So to an auction they came
With the final bill
At nearly 2 mil
All for a Mario game
This guy is a real shitty dude
This guy is a real shitty dude
And this move was truly quite crude
He got some citations
For killing crustaceans
Spoiling thousands of bucks in seafood
In Thornton, crime filled the air
In Thornton, crime filled the air
Car break-ins gave quite the scare
They caught the felon
Not Roy or Helen
Instead, it was a dumbass bear
A German was looking through trash
A German was looking through trash
Then noticed something in a flash
He found some old art
Grabbing it was smart
‘Cause those things are worth quite some cash
In Alaska, a pilot had flown
In Alaska, a pilot had flown
“SOS,” a man’s rooftop had shown
Got attacked by a bear
And got quite the scare
Said the dick wouldn’t leave him alone
He grabbed his coat and his keys
He grabbed his coat and his keys
To put his hunger at ease
He didn’t stay calm
And threatened a bomb
For not getting sauce at McD’s
The driver’s window was ajar
The driver’s window was ajar
Just listenin’ to some NPR
The bug must’ve thought
“Outside is quite hot”
It flew in and fucked up their car
These gardeners just want to know
These gardeners just want to know
About seeds and how they should sow
But Facebook’s upset
Thinking it’s a threat
Flipping shit about the word “hoe”
The swimmers lined up for the race
The swimmers lined up for the race
All hoping that they’d win first place
They made some headway
Before the delay
As a boat was in the wrong space
That wondering steer, he did pass
That wondering steer, he did pass
He is back home and chewing on grass
Another is loose
Not a sheep or goosed
But now on the run is an ass