There once was a man from Tulare,
Who got chewing gum stuck in his nut hair.
He said I’ll just shave my sack,
Cause it will all right grow back,
Or wax it like a porn star and go bare.

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Our nation’s response is chaotic
The man saw that his chances were slim
Some Ohioans are a bit slow
Cats are the best
The Feds nabbed a trafficker, Jeff,