There once was a girl names Maureen
Whose cunt wasn’t kept very clean
The semen leaked out
Of her disgusting spout
Which she scraped up and ate with saltines
Tag: cum
A D.A who’d just passed the bar
A D.A who’d just passed the bar
Told Monica, “Come as you are.
There’s no need to dress
We don’t want to mess
With evidence you can show Starr.”
There once was a man form Calcutta
There once was a man form Calcutta
who had a good fuck in a gutter
a copper walked by
got cum in his eye
and thought it was anchor best butter
One drowsy old Countess of Florage
One drowsy old Countess of Florage
Would keep her mouth open for snorage
The Count still had fun
And when he was done
She had swallowed a bit of his porridge
There was a young lad from Bahrain
There was a young lad from Bahrain
Who prayed to the heavens for rain;
For he’d squirted his goo
All over his shoe
And he couldn’t get rid of the stain.
There once was a girl from Penlochrie
There once was a girl from Penlochrie
Who had sex with a man on a rockery
She said, “Oh, you’ve cum.
“All over my bum.
“This isn’t a fuck. It’s a mockery!”
There once was a woman from Arden
There once was a woman from Arden
Who was seen sucking a man in the garden
Her mother said, “Flo,
Where does it all go??
And she said, “Gulp, Beg your pardon?”
There once was a man from Greeling
There once was a man from Greeling
who pounded his pud with great feeling
and like a red rainbow trout
he’d stick his tongue out
and wait for the drops from the ceiling
In chapel the sight of young May
In chapel the sight of young May
Caused young Timothy trouser affray
And a sticky wet palm
At the end of the psalm
When the minister said “Come, Let us spray.”
There was a young lady of Arden
There was a young lady of Arden,
Who sucked off ol’ Bob in the garden.
He asked, “You old ho,
Where does all that stuff go?”
And she said, “(swallow hard)- Beg pardon?”
There was a young lad from Bahrain
There was a young lad from Bahrain
Who prayed to the heavens for rain;
For he’d squirted his goo
All over his shoe
And he couldn’t get rid of the stain.
“Fallopian tube dead ahead!”
“Fallopian tube dead ahead!”
Cried the sperm as he upwardly sped.
Then the splosh and the sploosh
And the whoosh of a douche
Flushed him downwards and outwards instead.
This Playboy is mine I can tell
This Playboy is mine I can tell
‘Cause it has a peculiar smell.
Page twenty is rude
And appears to be glued
To another ten pages as well.
Said a dainty young whore named Miss Meggs
Said a dainty young whore named Miss Meggs,
“The men like to spread my two legs,
Then slip in between,
If you know what I mean,
And leave me the white of their eggs.”
There was young man from Crete
There was young man from Crete
Who could shoot across the street
A chemist named Kelly
Would bottle the jelly
And sell it as “Extract of Meat”.
There was a young man from Montrose
There was a young man from Montrose
Who had a wet dream I suppose.
The landlady said,
As she changed his bed,
“This didn’t come out of his nose.”
There was a young plumber named Lee
There was a young plumber named Lee
Who plumbed his girl down by the sea;
Said the lady, “Stop plumbing!
I hear someone coming.”
Said the plumber, still plumbing, “That’s me.”
There was a young man from Pitlocherie
There was a young man from Pitlocherie,
making love to his girl in the rockery,
she said, “Look you’ve cum,
all over my bum,
This isn’t a shag it’s a mockery.”