Captain Carter

[classic] Captain Carter from limericks
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the Duchess at tea

I sat by the Duchess at tea
And she asked: “Do you fart when you pee?”
I said with some wit:
“Do you belch when you shit?”
And I felt it was one-up for me.

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There was a young man of Australia

There was a young man of Australia
Who painted his ass like a dahlia.
The drawing was fine,
The color divine,
The scent ah, that was a failure.

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Oh,the air did turn green

Oh,the air did turn green
When a fart came from the queen!
The court sat aghast
At the royal blast,
But stood and sang “God save the queen!”

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There was a young Lady called tart

There was a young Lady called tart
Who felt she needed a fart
She stepped outside
And to her surprise
Blew over a horse and cart

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There was a young man from Lainus

There was a young man from Lainus
Who emitted an odor quite heinous
As people passed by
Many started to cry
Turns out there’s a leak in his anus

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Her pussy lips flapped as she farted

Her pussy lips flapped as she farted
A fart and a half. As they parted
Like wings of a dove
She rose ten feet above
And waved as she slowly departed.

There was a young man from Rangoon

There was a young man from Rangoon,
Whose farts could be heard to the moon.
When you’d least expect ’em,
They’d burst from his rectum
With the force of a raging typhoon.

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There was a young fellow from Sparta

There was a young fellow from Sparta.
A really magnificent farter.
On the strength of one bean
He’d fart “God Save the Queen”,
And Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata.

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This is the tale of woe of a small boy named Lou

This is the tale of woe of a small boy named Lou
Sitting in a crowded church with his family, who
Turned to his father, Bart,
And whispered, “Dad, I’ve got to fart !”
Said Bart, “If you do, you must sit in your own pew.”

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