Tag: Farts

[classic] Captain Carter
byu/ambivalent_apivore inlimericks

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I sat by the Duchess at tea
And she asked: “Do you fart when you pee?”
I said with some wit:
“Do you belch when you shit?”
And I felt it was one-up for me.

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There was a young man of Australia
Who painted his ass like a dahlia.
The drawing was fine,
The color divine,
The scent ah, that was a failure.

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Oh,the air did turn green
When a fart came from the queen!
The court sat aghast
At the royal blast,
But stood and sang “God save the queen!”

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There was a young Lady called tart
Who felt she needed a fart
She stepped outside
And to her surprise
Blew over a horse and cart

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There was a young man from Lainus
Who emitted an odor quite heinous
As people passed by
Many started to cry
Turns out there’s a leak in his anus

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There was a young man from Rangoon,
Whose farts could be heard to the moon.
When you’d least expect ’em,
They’d burst from his rectum
With the force of a raging typhoon.

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This is the tale of woe of a small boy named Lou
Sitting in a crowded church with his family, who
Turned to his father, Bart,
And whispered, “Dad, I’ve got to fart !”
Said Bart, “If you do, you must sit in your own pew.”

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A flatulent fellow called Bart
Consumed beans for the sake of his art
And his silent but deadlies
Played beautiful medleys
That plucked at the strings of one’s heart.

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There was a young man from Wales
Whose yachting technique never fails.
He dines on baked beans
And plenty of greens,
And his farts put the wind in the sails.

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There was a young man from Spartar,
Who was an incredible farter.
At the strength of one bean,
He could play “God Save the Queen”,
And Beethoven’s “Moonlight Senata”.

The selection was tough, I admit.
He didn’t stutter one little bit.
He threw his arse aloft,
And he suddenly coughed.
And collapsed in a shower of shit!

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