Tag: masturbation

Susan

I once knew a woman named Susan

Whom I found very amusin’

Her hands they would dance

To that place in her pants

Self control she soon would be losin’

The burdens of piety

There once was a young man from Kent

Who gave up fornication for Lent

But a full month alone

With just him and his bone

Had left it irreparably bent

There once was a young man named Gene

There once was a young man named Gene
Who invented a screwing machine
Concave and convex
It served either sex
And it played with itself in between.

There was a Young Man from Kent

There was a Young Man from Kent
Whose Rod was so long it bent.
So to save himself trouble
He bent it in double,
And instead of coming, he went!

A kinky young girl from Coleshill

A kinky young girl from Coleshill,
Tried a dynamite stick for a thrill,
They found her vagina,
in North Carolina,
and bits of her tits in Brazil.

There was a young man from Peru

There was a young man from Peru
Who fell asleep in his canoe
While dreaming of Venus
He whipped out his penis
And woke up with a handfull of goo!

On the internet they found romance

On the internet they found romance,
That put both in a hot sexual trance,
But each had a gripe,
About having to type,
With their hand stuck down into their pants.

There once was a young masturbator,

There once was a young masturbator,
Who bought an electric vibrator.
She lost it inside,
But the reason she died,
Was its faulty speed regulator.

There once was a grown man named Roy

There once was a grown man named Roy,
Who as a young innocent boy,
Discovered his peter,
And thought it much neater,
Than books or a game or a toy.

There was a young man of the land

There was a young man of the land
Whose sex life had grown quite bland
He wanted a change
So the next time he came
He used his other hand.

There once was a fellow named Perkin

There once was a fellow named Perkin
Who always was jerkin’ his gherkin
His mother said, “Perkin,
Stop jerkin’ your gherkin –
Your gherkin’s for ferkin’ not jerkin’.”

A thrifty old man named McEwing

A thrifty old man named McEwing
Inquired, “Why be bothered with screwing?
It’s safer and cleaner
To finger your wiener,
And besides you can see what you’re doing.”

There once was a man from Beijing

There once was a man from Beijing
Who invented a jack off machine
He put his prick in it
Done a thousand beats a minute
And turned his poor balls to cream

There was a young man from Darjeelin

There was a young man from Darjeelin
who got on a train board for Ealing
it said on the door
don’t come on the floor
so he carefully came on the ceiling

There once was a man named Sprockett

There once was a man named Sprockett
Who walked with his hand in his pocket
He was able to hide
What he was doing inside
Till he shot off like a Fourth of July rocket.

There once was a man from Peru

There once was a man from Peru
Who slept in a really long canoe
While dreaming of venus,
he played with his penis
And woke up with a hand full of goo

There once was a man from Greeling

There once was a man from Greeling
who pounded his pud with great feeling
and like a red rainbow trout
he’d stick his tongue out
and wait for the drops from the ceiling

As clicketty-clack went the train

As clicketty-clack went the train
Over points it affected Miss Jane
In mysterious ways
For she left in a daze
With a highly embarrassing stain.

And now she’s addicted to trains
To relieve her frustrations and pains;
And the faster their speed
The more urgent her need
And the more satisfaction she gains.

There once was a girl who couldn’t shit

There once was a girl who couldn’t shit,
Because she kept playing with hey clit.
The doctor said “Stop!”
So she pulled off her top,
And started to play with her tit!

“I’m sick of Tchaikovsky”, said May

“I’m sick of Tchaikovsky”, said May,
“And this Handel and Bach that we play.”
So she put down her fiddle
And diddled her middle;
“It’s time for Depussy I say.”

There once was a local called Land

There once was a local called Land
Who had a quite limber right hand.
One night he screamed,
“That damn Vaseline,
Some bastard has mixed it with sand!”

Helen Keller’s pussy grew tight

Helen Keller’s pussy grew tight,
Masturbating alone late at night,
She rubbed that hot gland,
With just her left hand,
And silently moaned with her right.

Man named Jim

There once was a man named Jim,
Who downloaded porn on a whim,
He infected his ‘puta
While jerkin’ his shoota,
And turned his brain from bright to dim.

There was a young fellow called Lloyd

There was a young fellow called Lloyd
Who was frequently under-employed
At his regular job
So he polished his knob
Making customers very annoyed.

Wenatch

There once was a girl from Wenatch
Who diddled herself with a match
When she got excited
The match it ignited
And burned all the hair off her snatch

A virgin with eyes that were blue

A virgin with eyes that were blue,
Was told that it’s sinful to screw.
So she rubbed on her clit,
But swore that she’d quit,
At least in the next year or two.

There was a young lady named Mandel

There was a young lady named Mandel
Who caused quite a neighborhood scandal
By coming out bare
On the main village square
And massaging herself with a candle.

There was a young woman named Croft

There was a young woman named Croft
Who played with herself in a loft,
Having reasoned that candles
Could never cause scandals,
Besides which they never went soft.