These painters were doing their work
A homeowner, this did quite irk
Cut the rope knife
Which threatened their life
Who does this shit? What a jerk!
Tag: crime
A man from PA’s on defense
A man from PA’s on defense
After his tiny offense
He bought Mountain Dew
And then bid adieu
But was short by 43 cents
He took money he wasn’t due
He took money he wasn’t due
So nights in jail, he spent a few
But he ran the joint
So he made a point
To leave a nice, five-star review
This woman must have been deprived
This woman must have been deprived
And thought of a plan quite contrived
She changed the locks
Then kicked off her socks
And chilled before the cops arrived
Now this guy’s is really a twit
Now this guy’s is really a twit
By robbing a bank he just hit
He charged through the door
Just one day before
All hail the new king dipshit
He’d had more than a drink or two
He’d had more than a drink or two
Pulled over, a .08 he blew
The cops locked him up
But a plan he thought up
And taped a spare key to his shoe
The diamonds, this woman did spot
The diamonds, this woman did spot
So with her some pebbles she brought
The rocks, she tried to switch
In hopes of getting rich
Did she really think she’d not get caught?
In intelligence, there was a lack
In intelligence, there was a lack
Or maybe he was just on crack
His plan was bizarre
Cause he stole a car
Then got caught when selling it back
From restaurants, a man had been stealing
From restaurants, a man had been stealing
He squirmed on the floor, not the ceiling
Kept his body low
So alarms didn’t blow
Now I hope he finds jail floors appealing
A man had been thrown in the clink
A man had been thrown in the clink
His release, just right on the brink
With his payment, he lied
And was sent back inside
For real, what did this fucker think?
This guy is a real shitty dude
This guy is a real shitty dude
And this move was truly quite crude
He got some citations
For killing crustaceans
Spoiling thousands of bucks in seafood
In Thornton, crime filled the air
In Thornton, crime filled the air
Car break-ins gave quite the scare
They caught the felon
Not Roy or Helen
Instead, it was a dumbass bear
Some neighbors were having a spat
Some neighbors were having a spat
But Kevin wouldn’t leave it at that
His anger, a fire
He slashed her tire
And at the crime scene, his finger sat
He thought it was more than a fling
He thought it was more than a fling
Said “a queen should be with her king”
But he’s quite the dumb fuck
As when the idea struck
He proposed with his other boo’s ring
The Wheeler’s came up with a tale
The Wheeler’s came up with a tale
One they thought couldn’t possibly fail
“Julie fell and then died,
No need to check inside”
Now Rodney could join her in jail
This douche, he had stolen a ride
This douche, he had stolen a ride
But found a child sitting inside
This he could not ignore
And drove back to the store
Then the mother, he decided to chide
They tried to make off with their things
They tried to make off with their things
Like their watches, a necklace, and rings
Swish, wham, bang, and wooshes
The man swatted the douches
In style, he got in some good swings
From Home Depot, he stole quite a lot
From Home Depot, he stole quite a lot
Thirteen hundred in goods and what not
He’s a cop so you’d think
So low, he’d not sink
But surprise, asshole, you got caught
The break in was perfect, textbook
The break in was perfect, textbook
Not cash but a reptile they took
Their secret was blown
‘Cause they shoulda known
No one else sells lizards on Facebook