The crime they did try to decrease
By calling up the town police
When they got there
Found a man in a chair
Having his drink in fucking peace
Tag: Alcohol
This man went out for a drink
This man went out for a drink
Had too many and needed a wink
He never came home
The woods friends did comb
Woke up, said “I’ll help them I think”
He’d had more than a drink or two
He’d had more than a drink or two
Pulled over, a .08 he blew
The cops locked him up
But a plan he thought up
And taped a spare key to his shoe
Everyone knows how drinking goes
Everyone knows how drinking goes
Couple drinks then you’re boxing pros
But these dudes went hard
And one will be scarred
As one chomped the other one’s nose
From Camp Marmal, they’re trying to clear
From Camp Marmal, they’re trying to clear
And get home with their weapons and gear
But they hit a snag
With one major bag
And have to ship a shit ton of beer
Business wasn’t booming last year
Business wasn’t booming last year
Some reassessing their chosen career
But Fuechschen persuaded
Some goods to be traded
To make bread to help sell their beer
They’ve lived in their house for year
They’ve lived in their house for year
And wanted others to share in their cheer
To their neighbors, they write
After deciding to invite
Them all over for refreshing free beer
People love the fancy and fine
People love the fancy and fine
Like cheeses and grapes from the vine
But now that these pricks
Added this to the mix
Some’ll be too good for earth wine
We all do dumb shit when we’re drunk
We all do dumb shit when we’re drunk
Like gambling or trying to dunk
But this guy stole a sword
Then his guilt, he ignored
40 years ‘fore he returned it, the punk
We’ve all half-assed our jobs, just a bit
We’ve all half-assed our jobs, just a bit
Maybe more than we’d like to admit
To have a whole operation
At the sewage station
Prob’ly makes wine just taste like shit
Customers can be flat out rude
Customers can be flat out rude
Someone’s always in a pissy mood
But this guy was sincere
Tipped 3k on a beer
Cause he is just one awesome dude
There once was a lady Annheiuser
There once was a lady Annheiuser
Who claimed that no man could surprise her
But Pabst took a chance
found a Schlitz in his pants
and now, she is sadder… Budweiser
In the check out at the food store
In the check out at the food store
a nun was advising the poor:
“Hey you up in front!
That’s too many items you cunt!
And they won’t take food stamps for beer ya dumb whore.”
There once was a man named McSweeny
There once was a man named McSweeny
Who spilled some gin on his weenie
Just to be Couth
He added some Vermouth
And slipped his chick a Martini!
There once was a barmaid named Gale
There once was a barmaid named Gale
On whose breasts was the menu for ale
But since she was kind
For the sake of the blind
On her ass it was printed in Braille.
There once was a young barmaid from Wales
There once was a young barmaid from Wales
On her breasts were written the prices of ale
And on her behind
For the sake of the blind
The prices were tatooed in braille
There was a young man named Sweeny
There was a young man named Sweeny
Who spilled some gin on his weenie.
He thought this uncouth,
So he added vermouth,
And slipped his girl a martini.