In a Thai town, chaos did brew,
Marauding monkeys, a troublesome crew.
Lock them up, they decree,
Send them far out to sea,
Peace restored, the townsfolk pursue.
Tag: Politics
In Korea, a tale of dismay
In Korea, a tale of dismay,
Trash-filled balloons drift in the fray.
With each poop-filled flight,
It’s a smelly plight,
A situation, oh so cliche.
North’s antics, a stinky affair,
Sending dung through the crisp, clean air.
South’s patience wears thin,
As the odors begin,
A diplomacy gone beyond repair.
In Louisiana’s bayou so deep
In Louisiana’s bayou so deep,
Extremists, in faith, take a leap.
Forcing kids to read,
Their beliefs, a creed,
Ignoring the law’s sacred keep.
With church and state meant to be parted,
Their actions leave many dishearted.
In textbooks, they preach,
Beyond their own reach,
Their agenda, the law has thwarted.
Yet still, they persist in their quest,
Ignoring what’s right, what’s best.
But the law stands firm,
Their zeal they must squirm,
For freedom demands this be addressed.
Poor baby Ron
Poor baby Ron
Got another quote wrong
He tried his very best
but when put to the test
Sounded like he hit the bong
Teachers scrambled for a dollar
Teachers scrambled for a dollar
Made the internet holler
we should give a fuck
what they did for a buck
And to not live in squalor
The Trumpies, they think themselves smart
The Trumpies, they think themselves smart
A new saying, they wanted to start
“Let’s go Brandon,” they yell
But the message they sell
“Fuck Joe Biden” is at the heart
On her costume, she did her best
On her costume, she did her best
But was threatened with arrest
Construction was planned
And she took a stand
‘Cause technically it was protest
A handful of Maine license plates
A handful of Maine license plates
Have words you’d just say to your mates
Like shit, piss, or fuck
Some are out of luck
As reviews of these tags awaits
Rats are your typical pests
Rats are your typical pests
In dumpsters, where they build their nests
Trav’ling Rome in masse
And smelling like ass
As boars are their unwanted guests
This man found Macron a disgrace
This man found Macron a disgrace
And thought he’d put him in his place
As quite the dead-eye
He let the egg fly
And nearly hit him in face
At a park, Merkel shared a few words
At a park, Merkel shared a few words
While feeding some tropical birds
Then one bit her hand
And the photo was grand
Plus I’m sure she was covered in turds
These leaders were having a chat
These leaders were having a chat
And quite a good one at that
But Peanut thought
He’d risk a swat
Being cute is what he is good at
For mayor, he wanted their pick
For mayor, he wanted their pick
So on stage, he gave his shtick
But soon interrupted
As chaos erupted
Because of a drone with a dick
Souvenirs are post cards or hat
Souvenirs are postcards or hats
Or even a meaningful tat
They stole some land
A shit ton of sand
What the fuck would they do with all that?
There was a deal for some land
There was a deal for some land
But it didn’t go over as planned
The mess did unfold
When the tower was sold
You know someone’s getting canned
Some Ohioans are a bit slow
Some Ohioans are a bit slow
In getting their first vaccine dose
They came up with a plot
To get people their shot
With a chance at a nice wad of dough
Most of the oldies and churchgoers
Most of the oldies and churchgoers
Are fine with the engines and mowers
But one thing they can’t stand
And went and got it banned
Now no more loud, gas-powered leaf blowers
It’s so hard just being a teen,
It’s so hard just being a teen,
Doing school and keeping your room clean,
But in a strive for perfection,
They rigged the election
All so she could be homecoming queen
Some reptiles are causing headaches
Some reptiles are causing headaches
As they’re causing some minor outbreaks
Now the Florida commission’s
Against new admissions
So they’re restricting iguanas and snakes
Some people, they tried to rebel
Some people, they tried to rebel
Saying the Dems would usher in hell
But some of them got caught
And thrown in jail to rot
Now they’re crying “boohoo” in their cell
This week on our capitol hill,
This week on our capitol hill,
More shit they are trying to shill
‘Stead of giving us money
They thought it be funny
To read a 600 page bill
Bernie Sander’s is not one for glitz
Bernie Sander’s is not one for glitz
Or spending weekends staying at the Ritz
Some may think he’s extreme
But a good guy, it would seem
He raised money selling his funny mitts
On Thursday, our buddy Teddy Cruz
On Thursday, our buddy Teddy Cruz
Was having a case of the blues
To the airport, he rolled
To get away from the cold
Now his people, he’ll have to shmooze
This proves congress is filled with dumb cunts
This proves congress is filled with dumb cunts
Instead of work, they pull these kinds of stunts
All this effort just to
Push this bill through
So rednecks can start their Bigfoot hunts
Sadly, this thing is quite rare
Sadly, this thing is quite rare
Politicians who work like they care
From that dog and the goat
Our guys should take note
Cuz these animals are better, I swear
A little contest, they decided to run
A little contest, they decided to run
“A state dino would oh so much fun”
Hate to be the bad guy
But I think this is why
Lawmakers never get anything done
Lawmakers in the state of PA
Lawmakers in the state of PA
Shared a historic moment, Tuesday
His mom’s the newbie
But if they disagree
Could make for a tense holiday
Votes cast can be even, in which case
Votes cast can be even, in which case
Some rules, must be put into place
“If a tie’s where you’re at
Then draw names from a hat
To decide the mayoral race”
The inauguration, Bernie Sanders was there
The inauguration, Bernie Sanders was there
And people were thrilled about his outerwear
Quite crazy, it seems
That it spawned many memes
When all he did was sit in a chair
Kids always have something to prove
Kids always have something to prove
This one wanted his grandad removed
Claims he’s related to POTUS
And insists that he showed us
As for the judge, he did not approve
You remember these dumb fucking folks?
You remember these dumb fucking folks?
In charge of the “balloon boy” hoax?
They got a month of detention
For the attempt at attention
And for the rest of their lives they’ll be jokes
“I’ll win again” the president gloated
“I’ll win again” the president gloated
Like the rest she was so devoted
The bun she was baking
Nine months in the making
Had to wait until after she voted
For office, these morons aren’t fit
For office, these morons aren’t fit
They are literally dumber than shit
But these douchebag turds
Have to have the last words
So they’re firing those who would quit
As COVID tears through the nation
As COVID tears through the nation
There’s no hint of any cessation
So dressing up as a clown
To give the rundown
Brings some “cuteness” to such devastation
It’s the left versus the right, blue against red
It’s the left versus the right, blue against red
The end is in sight, just the election ahead
But for Trump to refuse
The scientists’ views
Is one of the crazier things he has said…
Remember those assholes with guns?
Remember those assholes with guns?
The pricks on their lawn, yeah those ones
Now they’re looking to sue
For the attention they drew
But they deserve all the looks and the shuns
Fuck Donald Trump
Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck You
Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck You Times Two
Fuck Donald Trump
Right In His Rump
Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck You
Everyone knows what McConnell’s about
Everyone knows what McConnell’s about
A shit brain, a pig, a GOP sellout
His hands, black and blue
Prove the rumors are true
He’s a zombie or ghoul, no doubt
“They attacked me,” these racists had claimed
“They attacked me,” these racists had claimed
And the victims were wrongfully blamed
But with this new act
These calls, they’ll detract
And couldn’t have been better named
Brazil’s cops showed up with their gun-dies
Brazil’s cops showed up with their gun-dies
They were in search of government fund-ies
They found quite a bit
Some covered in shit
Because the perp hid some in his undies
In Bucharest, the election was nigh
In Bucharest, the election was nigh
The incumbent, he did reapply
He contracted COVID,
Yet voters still voted,
Now the village is run by a dead guy
Bolton was once Trump’s workhorse
Bolton was once Trump’s workhorse,
Aid to Ukraine he froze with some force.
Investigations were doubled,
Fighting like old married couples.
Soon they’ll have sexual intercourse.
![In [City], a young white male plots.](https://www.dirtylimerick.com/files/2019/08/267b.png)
In [City], a young white male plots.
In [City], a young white male plots.
— Liberal Limericks (@Libericks) August 4, 2019
He goes to [Place], firing shots.
Now blood has been shed,
As [Number] are dead.
[Republican] says, “Prayers & thoughts.”
♻️
There once was a man named Barack
There once was a man named Barack
Whose Re-Election cam as a shock
He raised the taxes I pay,
and then turned marriage gay
And now he’s coming after your Glock.
A Man Named Gore
In Hollywood, a man named Gore
Whom the environmentalists all adore
Said use crops for fuel
To make taxpayers fools
Because he’s actually a farm subsidy whore
They wanted to put Bill in jail
They wanted to put Bill in jail
For using his house to chase tail
But the judge wasn’t fooled
Saw no crime so he ruled:
“Not guilty! He didn’t inhale.”
Clinton’s Disbarment Defense
They say truth is stranger than fiction,
and slickness is rarer than friction
With Clinton we’ve found
the rules upside down–
especially with language and diction.
The latest political treatise,
American Rhapsody teases
And generates laughter
because the last chapter
proclaims Clinton talks with his penis.
Bill’s heated reaction was fleeting
when he got his gene-mapping readings
‘Cause his genes present
a brand-new defense
against his disbarment proceedings.
And in his disbarment proceedings,
this brand new defense will be pleaded
His lips will not move,
and that’s how he’ll prove
the lies were all told by his penis.
The judge in such case must be awesome
to measure such jetsam and flotsam.
That must be why
when this case is tried,
the judge in the case is a Johnson.
Crazy Joe Biden
Joe Biden told bodacious big lies;
“I’m known for my pecker’s huge size.
I showed it to George Bush;
He took it up the tush;
And at the county fair it won the first prize.”