[deleted by user]
by inlimericks
Category: Original Content
In a restroom I thought me alone
In a restroom I thought me alone
As I saddled my ass to the throne
Yet the next stall hid
The man I assaulted
With blasts from my backside trombone
I’m just an average guy
I’m just an average guy
I’ll work and I’ll eat and I’ll die
I like to have fun
But mostly have none
So I sit at my desk and I cry
Here lies the body of William Jay
Here lies the body of William Jay,
Who died maintaining his right of way.
He was in the right, as he sped along,
But he’s just as dead as if he were wrong.
OP’s mom is such a low catch
OP’s mom is such a low catch
She lets anyone get in her snatch,
Don’t let it surprise you
With how many guys who
Ride her like transit for cash.
There once was a man from Nepal
There once was a man from Nepal
Who liked BJs best of all
His sis and his mother,
Gave him head like no other,
And coaxed from his dick a waterfall.
There once was a lass from Angola
There once was a lass from Angola
Who shared her boyfriend’s coca cola
Her anus bled
And now she’s dead
Because she caught a case of Ebola
There once was a vampire called Mabel,
There once was a vampire called Mabel,
With periods exceedingly stable,
Each night at full moon,
She’d sit down with a spoon,
And drink herself under the table.
Jack and Jill went up the hill
Jack and Jill went up the hill
so Jack could lick Jill’s candy,
Jack got a shock and a mouthful of cock,
’cause Jill’s real name was Randy.
There once was a man named Dave,
There once was a man named Dave,
Who found a dead whore in a Cave,
Ugly as Shit and only one tit,
but think of the money he’d save.
There once was a girl names Maureen
There once was a girl names Maureen
Whose cunt wasn’t kept very clean
The semen leaked out
Of her disgusting spout
Which she scraped up and ate with saltines
There once was a man named Barack
There once was a man named Barack
Whose Re-Election cam as a shock
He raised the taxes I pay,
and then turned marriage gay
And now he’s coming after your Glock.
There was a young dentist Malone
There was a young dentist Malone
who had a charming girl patient alone.
But in his depravity
he filled the wrong cavity,
God, how his practice has grown!
A lady while dining at Crewe
A lady while dining at Crewe
Found an elephant’s whang in her stew.
Said the waiter, “Don’t shout,
And don’t wave it about,
Or the others will all want one too.”
Sir Reginald Von Hubble of Joice
Sir Reginald Von Hubble of Joice
Did shave his balls-’twas his choice.
He sneezed,oh how sad!
The results were quite bad!
He now has a high pitched voice!!!
The limerick form is complex
The limerick form is complex
Its contents run chiefly to sex
It burgeons with virgins
And masculine urgins
And swarms with erotic effex.
“For Christmas”, she said with a tingle
“For Christmas”, she said with a tingle
“I’d love a gift cunnilingual!”
‘Twas with joy and surprise
She found twixt her thighs
The tongue of jolly Kris Kringle!
A horny old trapper named Rex
A horny old trapper named Rex
Liked the risks of wild porcupine sex.
By incredible luck
His dick never got stuck,
But his nuts were just pitiful wrecks.
There once was a girl from Peru
There once was a girl from Peru
Who said she had nothing to do
She sat on some stairs
And counted cunt hairs
Four thousand, six hundred and two
Were you a more elegant chap
Were you a more elegant chap,
I’d ask to sit down on your lap
Cross-legg’d, like a swami
For ‘hide the salami’,
But it seems that you’re ill with the clap!
I know that you’ll think me quite dotty
I know that you’ll think me quite dotty,
But please, no caffeine in the latte!
One simple espresso –
I put on a dress, oh,
And really start acting quite naughty!
There once was a man from Montrass
There once was a man from Montrass,
Who had balls that were made of fine brass.
In stormy weather,
They both clanged together,
And sparks flew out of his ass!
strange science
A mathematician named Hall
Had a hexahedronical ball
The square of its weight
Times his pecker plus eight
Was two-thirds of three-fifths of fuck-all
the Duchess at tea
I sat by the Duchess at tea
And she asked: “Do you fart when you pee?”
I said with some wit:
“Do you belch when you shit?”
And I felt it was one-up for me.
There was a young Rabbi from peru
There was a young Rabbi from peru,
Who was vainly attempting to screw,
His wife said “Oi vey”,
If you keep up this way,
The Messiah will come before you do.
There once was a singer named Elton
There once was a singer named Elton
who had the girls hearts all a’meltin’.
But soon they discovered
he was a man lover;
twas dicks he’d rather be feltin’.
I see by the size of your member
I see by the size of your member
You’re as hot as a blazing coal ember!
So slicken that mast –
And hon, make it fast –
This girl’s not been poked since December!
There was a young girl of Angina
There was a young girl of Angina
Who stretched catgut across her vagina.
From the love-making frock
(With the proper sized cock)
Came Toccata and Fugue in D minor.
There once was a young man named Gene
There once was a young man named Gene
Who invented a screwing machine
Concave and convex
It served either sex
And it played with itself in between.
There was a Young Man from Kent
There was a Young Man from Kent
Whose Rod was so long it bent.
So to save himself trouble
He bent it in double,
And instead of coming, he went!
There once was this girl from Sri Lanka
There once was this girl from Sri Lanka,
A dusky-skinned maid named Bianca.
Each day she would sit
And play with her clit.
She was an incredible wanker!
There once was a lady Annheiuser
There once was a lady Annheiuser
Who claimed that no man could surprise her
But Pabst took a chance
found a Schlitz in his pants
and now, she is sadder… Budweiser
There was a young girl from Hong Kong
There was a young girl from Hong Kong
Whose cervical cap was a gong.
She said with a yell,
As a shot rang her bell,
“I’ll give you a ding for a dong!”
A decent young fellow named Herm
A decent young fellow named Herm
Was equipped with a geyser-like worm:
The size wasn’t much
But its volume was such
That his lovers did backstroke in sperm.
An epileptic young woman named Camp
An epileptic young woman named Camp
Was seduced on her couch by a tramp
But the first time he squeezed her
She had a Grand seizure
And broke both his balls and a lamp.
There once was a lady from Reno
There once was a lady from Reno
Who lost all her cash playing keno.
So she laid on her back
Opened her crack
And now she owns the casino!
There once was a Vulcan named Spock
There once was a Vulcan named Spock
Who tried stroking his monstrous cock
With lust went berserk
And beseeched Captain Kirk,
“Bend over, this shuttle must dock!”