A man had just bought some groceries,
Got to his car, and pulled out his keys
He looked in the backseat
Then chose to retreat
To get away from fuckton of bees
Keep it Dirty!
A man had just bought some groceries,
Got to his car, and pulled out his keys
He looked in the backseat
Then chose to retreat
To get away from fuckton of bees
A lady had snuck into school
Undercover and playing it cool
This entire sham
Was for Instagram
To get followers, oh what a tool
A couple had feared for outbreaks
Which was causing them some headaches
But the couple claim
The purpose of the flame
Was to get rid of all of the snakes
As crews hacked away with their tool
The education board decided to rule
Chemicals caused a delay
So the kids couldn’t stay
Then turned a Macy’s store into a school
MMA is pretty damn rough
And those fighters are totally buff
In the midst of their scrap
Pliev’s finger went snap
Holy shit that guy’s so fuckin’ tough
These pilots, they got quite the scare
When they collided in the air
The two planes, they struck
And got lucky as fuck
A situation like this is quite rare
Robot research is making head way
And the future will be here someday
Sophia’s getting a start
By making some art
And out their asses people will pay
With the building aflame and on fire
Thought he’d better flee from the pyre
With a leap and a bound
He made it to the ground
It just wasn’t his time to retire
‘Member that cow who was runnin’ around?
In that small lil’ Rhode Island town
You’ll be happy to hear
That the ol’ roaming steer
Is back home and has finally been found
The chief tried to avoid a small meeting
What he did could be considered cheating
Now he lost his job
With a cry and a sob
A mistake he won’t be repeating
One last macaw in Brazil’s all alone
Where another might be is unknown
Guess all life is the same
But who can you blame
We’re just looking for someone to bone
NASA’s calmed one of our greatest fears
Some great news to pass through our ears
Earth will surely avoid
A hurling asteroid
For at least a hundred more years
Kami Rita’s again reached the peak
A feat that is truly unique
While he’s touching the sky
We’re just getting high
As we keep up our binge-watching streak
Something was off just a smidge
Bout the sign just installed on the ridge
Guess he didn’t know
He switched the “E” and the “O”
And fucked up the name of the bridge
These things tend to end up quite gory
When life ends up in this territory
I’m glad they got out
But I can’t help but pout
Since they ruined a sweet ninja story
The zebra wanted to change his course
So they called the local police force
They chased him around
The small, quiet town
All just to catch the striped horse
The lotto ticket was worth over a mil
But Nick lost it and then he had nil
He returned to the lot
Where a car part he bought
And found the ticket, laying there still
Twas a deal that she just couldn’t lose
Tried to get rid of any kind of clues
But she thought it crass
To hide it in her ass
So she tried to hide coke in her shoes
Business wasn’t booming last year
Some reassessing their chosen career
But Fuechschen persuaded
Some goods to be traded
To make bread to help sell their beer
Something was wrong with their dryer
A repairman, they decided to hire
So he took a look
And found in the nook
A snake with a mouthful of wire
The shoppers have begun to admit
Crimes they’ve seen birds commit
As they head to their cars
They swoop from the stars
And the ravens are taking their shit
They’ve lived in their house for year
And wanted others to share in their cheer
To their neighbors, they write
After deciding to invite
Them all over for refreshing free beer
This week at the San Diego zoo
A man had a brain made of poo
This stupid fuck
Really tried his luck
As the elephants, he tried to pursue
This asshole is really a twit
Stealing money by pulling some skit
He’s done most of his time
But just couldn’t quit crime
So enjoy some more prison, ya shit
It’s so hard just being a teen,
Doing school and keeping your room clean,
But in a strive for perfection,
They rigged the election
All so she could be homecoming queen
The fire began burning and smoke
Poured out, finding people to choke
So this little girl
Gave the mattress a hurl
And jumped from the third floor, no joke
They promised to meet in a field
Equipped with a sword and a shield
Many Joshes contended
But soon the fight ended
So the fate of the best Josh was sealed
With a gun, he walked into the foyer
“It’s a fake!” said his old employer
He tried to play cool
But is truly a fool
As he now wants to be his own lawyer
A cookie is flying through space
But not one you’d put in your face
Not just some space junk
A planetary chunk
From truly an alien place
Remember that steer that got out?
In Rhode Island, he’s roaming about
He’s managed to evade
His death, he’s delayed
Let him go, he just wants to hang out
The food on his tummy, so teeny
Looking for a steak or linguini
But his hunger won
Seeing the dog in the bun
And stole a bite off of somebody’s weeny
Hartford officials were taking some notes
“Too much shit and not enough oats”
So they took them away
From their unpleasant stay
Now what to do with some 65 goats
To make some money, he couldn’t resist
Guess he thought they wouldn’t be missed
Some chainsaws he sold
Just like they were gold
So goodbye to his freedom, he kissed
As a part of the scientists’ staff
They discovered something worth a laugh
From one slug, you’ll get two
And all you have to do
Is take it and cut it in half
Tales like this are so often told
Using taxpayers money, so bold
Makes you ask why,
The FBI
Spent time just looking for gold
Some people might steal your boat,
Or even you fancy new coat,
But this fucking dope
Had something else in her scope
And took and painted her neighbors goat
In South Africa, a farm made for crocs
Just lost a bunch of their stocks
With hundreds on the loose
One could rightly deduce
That the reptiles had figured out locks
This Aussie had gotten quite bored
Some supplies, he started to hoard
Quarantine had it’s perk
With lots of time to work
Now he’s the cowboy of cardboard
A couple was driving around
When a pine tree was suddenly downed
The tree hit their ride
Luckily no one died
But their injuries surely abound
On his Twitter, Mark had to admit
Of graffiti on the rocks he had writ
Go so suck of Trump
You pathetic old grump
This Q-Anoner’s a real piece of shit
At a yard sale, an antique was sold
But its value had not been foretold
Some experts did say
It’s worth 500k
For that price, it had better be gold
A man standing handsome and lax,
In a jacket and freshly pressed slacks
You walk over to him,
Place your hand on his limb
It’s Don Draper but he’s made of wax
In Yosemite, some skiers had skied,
But this time, a more dangerous deed
For if they fucked it up
In a cast, they’d wind up
And through a straw they would have to feed
Some reptiles are causing headaches
As they’re causing some minor outbreaks
Now the Florida commission’s
Against new admissions
So they’re restricting iguanas and snakes
No one knew if Brandy was alive
15 years, no one’d thought she’d survive
I’m sure she’d come home
From her lengthy roam
Maybe waiting until she could drive
In the basement of a UM library,
Lurked something so creepy and scary
So the crew, they flipped shit
Fearing they might get bit,
Twas spiders that made them so wary
In Israel, twas a bit of a spill
Killing things like turtles and krill
But the vets, they had found
That the mayo went down
Clearin’ oil much better than a pill
New recruits they were trying to groom,
By teaching them how to go “boom”
But they shit the bed
When they wound up dead
Maybe they should have done it on zoom
Twas a package that’d just been there sittin’s
So they put on their bomb proofing mittens
Expected some doom
But there was no boom
And found out the box was just kittens
Who says that chivalry’s dead?
This man was just looking ahead
Thought his life, he should spend
With his loving girlfriend
so stole a rare camel then fled