Twas a package that’d just been there sittin’s
So they put on their bomb proofing mittens
Expected some doom
But there was no boom
And found out the box was just kittens
Favorite This!Keep it Dirty!
Twas a package that’d just been there sittin’s
So they put on their bomb proofing mittens
Expected some doom
But there was no boom
And found out the box was just kittens
Favorite This!Who says that chivalry’s dead?
This man was just looking ahead
Thought his life, he should spend
With his loving girlfriend
so stole a rare camel then fled
Favorite This!At first, this sounds like some joke
But some do dumb shit when they’re broke
Was this what Tony ate
When he said “they’re grrreeaat?”
Forty pounds of cornflakes and coke
Favorite This!In the seaside city, San Fran
Lived a stubborn and wealthy old man
He paid quite a lot
For his home, to re-plot
And the move went according to plan
Favorite This!A lady was out on a mission
To take care of a bod’ly emission
But the bear was quite crass
And bit her on the ass
In the most vulnerable position
Favorite This!A Turkish man with the name of Mirzan
Saw a bird struggling out on the lawn
So he fixed her wing
And for years she did cling
This man’s best friend is a swan
Favorite This!Arvy had gone for a flight
Took a swim and suffered frostbite
Brushed it off like an itch
Cuz he aint no bitch
But had some help to make him alright
Favorite This!A koala was the cause of a crash
Five cars piled up in a flash
someone pulled him from the road
And his life he owed
As payment, he fucked up her dash
Favorite This!He thought it was more than a fling
Said “a queen should be with her king”
But he’s quite the dumb fuck
As when the idea struck
He proposed with his other boo’s ring
Favorite This!Bill’s life had come to an end
Left all his cash to his friend
So the bank added up
What he left for the pup
5 mil’s a lot for one dog to spend
Favorite This!Some go to court for this or for that
Like speeding or parking or stealing a hat
But if you act polite
They’ll think you’re alright
But you’re fucked if your lawyer on Zoom is a cat
Favorite This!Texas issued an Amber Alert
“Overalls and a long striped shirt”
But things smelled fucky
As the suspect was “Chucky”
Twas a false alarm, no one was hurt
Favorite This!Bet you’ve heard of this unclothed male
Looks like he’s a real Chippendale
Three cheers, cuz he’s back
After a weekend, so whack
The Naked Cowboy’s no longer in jail
Favorite This!The Wheeler’s came up with a tale
One they thought couldn’t possibly fail
“Julie fell and then died,
No need to check inside”
Now Rodney could join her in jail
Favorite This!In Chicago, a man lost his flute
Blue line to O’Hare, was his route
Worth 22k
But he found it, hooray,
Once again, he can give it a toot
Favorite This!Most of his life, the steer had been pinned
And feared his life was coming to end
But he got away
And took down the highway
Now he’s roaming around Rhode Island
Favorite This!A chameleon can blend in with rocks,
With trees, and plants with green stalks
But this little guy
Is quite the small fry
But is bigger than most Trumpers cocks
Favorite This!A man was counting some sheep
And quickly, he fell fast asleep
“I can’t swallow,” he told
To the doctor, who pulled
His headphone, from his throat, really deep
Favorite This!At the Brookfield Zoo out in IL
Malena needed more than advil
Her hip being replaced
Is only one problem she faced
As now she needs cash for her bill
Favorite This!Some people, they tried to rebel
Saying the Dems would usher in hell
But some of them got caught
And thrown in jail to rot
Now they’re crying “boohoo” in their cell
Favorite This!His day had begun with a wreck
Two deer, with his car, he did deck
But a stroke of sheer luck
Came for the poor fuck
As he won a million dollar check
Favorite This!This week on our capitol hill,
More shit they are trying to shill
‘Stead of giving us money
They thought it be funny
To read a 600 page bill
Favorite This!Bernie Sander’s is not one for glitz
Or spending weekends staying at the Ritz
Some may think he’s extreme
But a good guy, it would seem
He raised money selling his funny mitts
Favorite This!Do you remember that one dude?
His TikTok, many times has been viewed
He drank Ocean Spray
While he cruised the highway
Now his signed bottle, a museum, will include
Favorite This!We’ve been stuck inside for so long,
With our beer, our games, and our bong,
So we tried something new
Just to make it through
We be singin’ that old sailor song
Favorite This!Some people rock while others suck
Some are as dumb as an inbred duck
This dude was interferring,
With radio waves, commandeering,
He could’ve killed someone, the raging dumb fuck
Favorite This!On Thursday, our buddy Teddy Cruz
Was having a case of the blues
To the airport, he rolled
To get away from the cold
Now his people, he’ll have to shmooze
Favorite This!NASA’s rover just landed on Mars
Spending months floating through the stars
“Dare Mighty Things”
Written in the chute’s rings
Maybe one day we’ll make that world ours
Favorite This!This douche, he had stolen a ride
But found a child sitting inside
This he could not ignore
And drove back to the store
Then the mother, he decided to chide
Favorite This!The puffins are getting their wish
Herrings’ll lose space on our dish
As the NOAA
Came out to say
“For the puffins, save some of the fish”
Favorite This!Florida men are truly unique
This one decided to go for a streak
He didn’t stop there
Balls out, his ass bare
Stole the cop car, with havoc to wreak
Favorite This!A man from Turkey went to the ER
So Boncuk, she followed the car
The daily trek, she endured
‘Til the day he was cured
Dogs are better than humans, by far
Favorite This!In Key West, there have been some talks
To try and curb the chickenly flocks
Two-fifty per day
Violators will pay
To keep people for feeding the cocks
Favorite This!This proves congress is filled with dumb cunts
Instead of work, they pull these kinds of stunts
All this effort just to
Push this bill through
So rednecks can start their Bigfoot hunts
Favorite This!People love the fancy and fine
Like cheeses and grapes from the vine
But now that these pricks
Added this to the mix
Some’ll be too good for earth wine
Favorite This!Jackson had feared for a loss
So he bet about drinking hot sauce
The spicy stuff, he did shoot
Then others followed suit
His joke’s now raised 10k, like a boss
Favorite This!Ben and Jerry’s has made a new treat
Something yummy for your dog to eat
But seems unnecessary
The treat made of dairy
As they like to eat their own sheeet
Favorite This!Some break-ups just flat out suck
And feel like you got hit by a truck
But some cops from NC
Wanna fill you with glee
And lock up your heartless ex-fuck
Favorite This!The EU just gave the thumbs up
On mealworms, saying we can eat up
Fried or barbequed
But to me it’s not food
If I eat it, I’ll fucking throw up
Favorite This!The pigeon was set to be killed
“With disease he’s certainly filled”
From the US, they thought
Then found out he’s not
So his new owner is reason’bly thrilled
Favorite This!The blaze took their home, the poor cats
No place to hang their sweaters or hats
They’ve begun to inquire
On what started the fire
But suspecting it coulda been rats
Favorite This!Sadly, this thing is quite rare
Politicians who work like they care
From that dog and the goat
Our guys should take note
Cuz these animals are better, I swear
Favorite This!A young lad misread the signs
After reading the head lines
“In search of hot pussy?”
“I fuck all I see!”
Just don’t touch the felines
An Ohio man needed no dare
To keep him from cutting his hair
“I’ll cut it again,
If the Browns can win”
Six years later, a new do he’ll wear
Favorite This!We all do dumb shit when we’re drunk
Like gambling or trying to dunk
But this guy stole a sword
Then his guilt, he ignored
40 years ‘fore he returned it, the punk
Favorite This!A little contest, they decided to run
“A state dino would oh so much fun”
Hate to be the bad guy
But I think this is why
Lawmakers never get anything done
Favorite This!Lawmakers in the state of PA
Shared a historic moment, Tuesday
His mom’s the newbie
But if they disagree
Could make for a tense holiday
Favorite This!A bloke was in trouble down under
Stuck out in the rain and the thunder
Fisherman heard a yelp
And decided to help
This guy had balls to perform such a plunder
Favorite This!Gambling is quite the cash cow
A business where wallets say “ow”
These betters pay lots
On the flying robots
Seems like the future really is now
Favorite This!On the highway, it could have been struck
So the man got out of his truck
And to avoid any drama
Tried to calm the llama
But found that he was chill as fuck
Favorite This!