This kid just swam ‘cross the lake
Plus an age record he did break
At only fourteen
His feats are pristine
And you just sit there eating cake
The tenant could not pay his debts
The tenant could not pay his debts
Vacating without some assets
The landlord showed up
To do a checkup
Instead found a houseful of pets
From restaurants, a man had been stealing
From restaurants, a man had been stealing
He squirmed on the floor, not the ceiling
Kept his body low
So alarms didn’t blow
Now I hope he finds jail floors appealing
The pothole had got quite shitty
The pothole had got quite shitty
But no one would pay the fee
Raymond found a fix
But not one with bricks
And in its place, he put a tree
They think this shit hole is nice
They think this shit hole is nice
Especially, given the price
As the inmates leave
Their own nests they weave
As the prison is now run by mice
As we split up our cottons and lace
As we split up our cottons and lace
Their own smells, astronauts, must embrace
But Tide will be to thank
If they can end the stank
And help them do their laundry in space
Two brothers, they hiked really high
Two brothers, they hiked really high
So between two tall peaks, they could tie
The old record, they beat
With this dangerous feat
Just get shit-faced like a normal guy
This guy has got quite the luck
This guy has got quite the luck
As gold, he truly has struck
He won thousands more
Where he’s won before
How can’t you envy this fuck?
The ticket went into her bag
The ticket went into her bag
When she won she didn’t brag
‘Cause she didn’t know
That she’d won the dough
Which would really have been quite a drag
With the cat, she was having some fun
With the cat, she was having some fun
Using the laser pointer on a gun
Things soon went awry
Her friend shot in the thigh
Just about a foot of his bun