Florida men get a really bad wrap
Usually taking drugs or some crap
But this guy is good
And did what he could
Saved his pup from a gators death snap
At college, you made your debut
At college, you made your debut
A career, you wished to pursue
Homework, you half-assed
But you pushed through and passed
Still, at 12 this kid’s smarter than you
Since the moment the first story aired
Since the moment the first story aired
Everyone felt so unprepared
So they panic bought
All the Charmin and Scott
I guess people shit more when they’re scared
Florida usually feels like a sauna
Florida usually feels like a sauna
Which is great for the flora and fauna
“It’s gonna get cold”
The forecast foretold
From the trees, may be a falling iguana
A man saw a flipped car so he acted quick
A man saw a flipped car so he acted quick
Checked for scrapes, and bruises or any small nick
To help him, he tried
Then the douche stole his ride
They should send him to jail just for being a dick
You remember these dumb fucking folks?
You remember these dumb fucking folks?
In charge of the “balloon boy” hoax?
They got a month of detention
For the attempt at attention
And for the rest of their lives they’ll be jokes
Those birds can be found all over the city
Those birds can be found all over the city
Eating trash, leftovers, and anything gritty
Now you mean to say
That people will pay
A high price for something gross and so shitty?
So brightly, his Christmas cheers shine
So brightly, his Christmas cheers shine
His gimmick was one of a kind
Dressed as St. Nick
His plan failed quite quick
As he landed in a live power line
Snow on the ground like the North Pole-uh
Snow on the ground like the North Pole-uh
Which makes cars kinda hard to control-uh
But if you get a good deal
On a sick snow mobile
Do NOT put it on top your Corolla
The monolith thing’s overdone
The monolith thing’s overdone
But this one was so much more fun
The towering sugar and Crisco
Appeared in San Francisco
And the gingerbread baked in the sun