Tag: sports

Goto had just won the gold

And the mayor had wanted to hold

The winning medal

But had to backpedal

For biting it like a five-year-old

Off to the links, he grabbed his sticks

Then Smith got caught up with some dicks

Did not shoot his best

And stepped on a nest

Where hornets gave him some pricks

Winther had some golf balls to hit

But first, he had to take a shit

Hit the bathroom before

Then went for the door

But locked himself in for a bit

Some folks from Kingsley are quite pissed

As they’re shouting and shaking their fist

Hubbell kept scoring

Which got the crowd roaring

They sucked, how could he resist?

‘Twas more than football to look at

As there was a dangling cat

Who could have died

And we would have cried

Thankfully it didn’t go splat

Two brothers, they hiked really high

So between two tall peaks, they could tie

The old record, they beat

With this dangerous feat

Just get shit-faced like a normal guy

A man, he was tearing down walls

And made out with quite some odd hauls

Now under his house

It wasn’t a mouse

But a shit ton of bowling balls

The swimmers lined up for the race

All hoping that they’d win first place

They made some headway

Before the delay

As a boat was in the wrong space

Someone please make this guy a cake

For a year of jumping in the lake

Even through the cold

The stunt didn’t get old

Now next time he’ll have to raise the stake

On tickets, she spent her money

Her guest was a little bit funny

Brought to keep her chill

Gave the crowd a thrill

Such a hit was this therapy bunny

Rory’s shots aren’t often this bad

But this one was off just a tad

He lined up his shot

Then gave it a swat

But ended up nailing his dad

Camille went on a walk with her bud

But the stroll became a real dud

From enjoying the breeze

To sinking to her knees

She found herself stuck in the mud

The Lookouts had lost their mascot

“Someone must’ve stole it” they thought

They started their hunt

To catch the ol’ cunt

But found the costume in the parking lot

MMA is pretty damn rough

And those fighters are totally buff

In the midst of their scrap

Pliev’s finger went snap

Holy shit that guy’s so fuckin’ tough

In Yosemite some skiers had skied,

In Yosemite, some skiers had skied,
But this time, a more dangerous deed
For if they fucked it up
In a cast, they’d wind up
And through a straw they would have to feed

An Ohio man needed no dare

To keep him from cutting his hair

“I’ll cut it again,

If the Browns can win”

Six years later, a new do he’ll wear

The Holy Lady from Santa Cruz

Became the Aussie leg spinner’s muse

He rubbed her down under

Pried her legs asunder

And blessed his red cherry with her juice.

Batter up

A batter preparing to bunt

Chose instead to perform a cute stunt

Off the field to his right

He spied his ex-wife

And hit the ball right in her direction

There once was a man from Van Isle

There once was a man from Van Isle
Who said jogging just wasn’t his style.
“I’ll get my workouts,” he said,
“At home, in my bed,
‘Cause a Miss is as good as a mile!”