Category: Original Content - Page 10

The parents of fourteen great sons

Her oven so active with buns

As rare as a pearl

They had a girl

So the fuckin’ there had to been tons

The people voted him out by the legions

We did it all for most the same reasons

We knew they were dense

But this fuck up’s immense

What clown books the wrong Four Seasons?

The break in was perfect, textbook

Not cash but a reptile they took

Their secret was blown

‘Cause they shoulda known

No one else sells lizards on Facebook

On the lawn, the robot should stay

Yet the thief did not see it this way

As the droid phoned his master

He couldn’t been faster

To scare the ol’ dickhead away

Fuck Donald Trump

Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck You

Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck You Times Two

Fuck Donald Trump

Right In His Rump

Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck You

They came to the jail, by will or by warrant

Some crimes were mild while others, abhorrent

But these jailers lacked empathy,

Even the Devil’d have sympathy

‘Cause that much “Baby Shark’ is just torment

They say to learn from others mistakes

It will surely save you headaches

What he thought was a fuck up

Soon turned his luck up

Cause it won him two mil in sweepstakes

As she came to the end of her lifespan

She reflected on how it began

All she asked

Before she passed

Was please don’t vote for the orange man

In Norway, crime is quite bland

Things rarely get out of hand

But by law, they are bound

So they had to impound

A scooter so “fast” that it’s banned

In florida, fish throwin’s an art

So when they cancelled, fans took it to heart

But amidst a pandemic

They’ll g’head with the gimmick

And yet we still consider humans to be “smart”

Everyone knows what McConnell’s about

A shit brain, a pig, a GOP sellout

His hands, black and blue

Prove the rumors are true

He’s a zombie or ghoul, no doubt

We all can agree that this year’s been real hard

Some will get through while others are scarred

But to tryna fund fracking

While COVID aid’s lacking

Is a punch in the face, a kick to the nard

“They attacked me,” these racists had claimed

And the victims were wrongfully blamed

But with this new act

These calls, they’ll detract

And couldn’t have been better named

A copper pulled over a trucker

Must’ve been a real dumbfucker

He said “It’s not mine, I swear”

‘Bout the meth in the spare

Have a nice time in jail, ya cocksucker

Brazil’s cops showed up with their gun-dies

They were in search of government fund-ies

They found quite a bit

Some covered in shit

Because the perp hid some in his undies

The crab must have come from the shore-y

Who knew it’d cause such an uproar-y

Yet it still made the news

Really quite the snooze

But the ones in her pubes, a different story

The auction was not short on exchange

And the items, there was a wide range

The silver dollar, not gold

Somehow went unsold

Then again, who gives a fuck about change

Choice words the zoo birds were a-sharing

Twas’ the parrots, not the eagles nor herring

“Fuck, dick, ass, and shit”

Thus they had to be split

Because they just wouldn’t stop swearing

Subway is not healthy they said

Subway is not healthy they said,

In irish court, the attorney had pled

They shit on the chain

Saying “the loaves, they contain

Too much sugar to constitute bread!”

In space you still have to dump swill

And the last thing you want is a spill

NASA got thinkin’

‘Bout the squirtin’ and sprinklin’

Now their shitters cost 23 mil

In Bucharest, the election was nigh

The incumbent, he did reapply

He contracted COVID,

Yet voters still voted,

Now the village is run by a dead guy

Three sisters in Ohio

Three sisters in Ohio gave birth on the very same day

No one thought it could happen that way

Between a 4 and a half hour span

The babies were added to the clan

Odds of that happening were 1 in 50 million, a 1998 AP story did say

A man from Detroit became a lottery winner by mistake
He went to a gas station to put air in a tire and wanted change to take
He got a $10 ticket but the clerk gave him the $20 one
He kept it and ultimately he won
Something told him to keep it; there were $2 Million at stake

A Russian prankster

A Russian prankster posed as an U.N. chief
He reached to the Poland president but he kind of was in disbelief
He thought something wasn’t right
The troll sounded convincing but not quite
A pronunciation gave him away so the prank was brief

resident of the town of Albany

In 1994, a resident of the town of Albany suffered a burglary
A lot of things were stolen, including a Television and some armory
A resident had recently got the shotgun in his possession
But he didn’t steal it according to the investigation
All the things, including the shotgun were returned to their owner on its 26th anniversary

The Liberty County deputies

The Liberty County deputies in Georgia thought they had it under control
But the body they found on the railroads was that of a sex dole
When the Coroner arrived, they started to inspect
They checked the body; it was anatomically correct
They thought it was a human but it ended up being the work of a troll

Joyful chipmunks

Joyful chipmunks carry nuts on their cheeks and play peekaboo
But they dig out holes in your garden; they come out of the blue
Having them around has its pros and cons
They’re so cute but they can destroy gardens and lawns
They gather as many acorns as they can for when the winter comes through

A naughty suspect

A naughty suspect, named Jack, appeared out of the blue
Jumping through the city; a lovely kangaroo
His owner didn’t shut the gate all the way
So Jack pushed it open and got away
But the police managed to capture him after they got a clue

A dog named Cleo

A dog named Cleo went missing and it was a pity

But she showed up on her old house which was 50 miles away from Kansas City

Nobody knows how but she got her way

She went to a city that was many miles away

After a couple years she still remembers her old house; she’s really witty

Asleep on a porch was found the fugitive of the week

Asleep on a porch was found the fugitive of the week
Apparently, he didn’t understand the rules of hide and seek
He was supposed to hide to avoid arrest
But he decided to lie down and get some rest
When the policemen found him, they probably thought “this man ain’t slick”

A man faked his death

A man faked his death; he “was’ from New York
His death certificate had a typo; he must feel like a dork
He wanted to avoid jail
But it ended up being a fail
All of the plans he had; and no one seemed to work

Trump said some fucked up shit,

Thinking it would be a hit.

Disgracefully said

of a man that is dead

“Gee, he’s really love this bit.”

After a lifetime of laying wood

After a lifetime of laying wood,

Ron Jeremy thinks he could

save his birth tree

thinking that maybe

Con Edison will do what it should

One dumb ass cop

Blew his fuckin’ top

He thought he saw a finger

Got pissed when it did linger

Turned out his issue was a flop

if you’re going to steal

if you’re going to steal
a lady’s whole deal
here is a dare
change up the hair
maybe you’ll win on appeal?

Big tits save lives

Even if considered lies,

A bullet from an unknown source

Took a different course

Because of her enhanced boob size

When dumping the dearly departed

Stay open hearted!

Keep a clean beach

Practice what I preach

And take your trash to where you started

Swinging their big dick

Swinging their big dick
Republicans attempt to make it stick
They sent out a check
Thinking that heck
One time will do the trick

Toilet Paper Hording Is A Virus

Fuck ups think this virus

Will make them leak from their iris

They went on a spree

To buy up TP

Now society will treat them with bias.

A a pal of Trump named Roger

Turns out to be a great dodger

Trump is receiving resignations

From men escaping damnations

Perhaps it’s time to again Impeach that old codger

Bolton was once Trump’s workhorse

Bolton was once Trump’s workhorse,
Aid to Ukraine he froze with some force.
Investigations were doubled,
Fighting like old married couples.
Soon they’ll have sexual intercourse.

There once was a woman, Lenore

There once was a woman, Lenore
Her body is with us no more
Instead of a haven
Her soul’s in a Raven
Who just sits and quotes “Nevermore.”

Korea is flipping their shit

Korea is flipping their shit,
Over this mustache that just won’t quit
I can only assume
This political monsoon
Is due to some racist shit

There once was a man with green skin,

who, asleep in his yard, blended in.

The landscapers came,

our poor man was maimed,

and they charged him for trimming his shin.

An old man got sick of his wife

An old man got sick of his wife
So resolved he would just end her life
He brought out a shotgun,
To make it a quick one,
But instead, slit her throat with a knife

Once was this country Iran

Once was this country Iran,

with bombs it was endlessly slammed.

Said President Trump,

“That place will get dunked.”

Much like Melania’s clam.

Upon asking if Ukraine might widen

Upon asking if Ukraine might widen
Investigations of Sleepy Joe Biden,
The Dems were incensed,
Impeachment commenced!
Trumps ratings sank deeper than Poseidon!

The bigly speech given by President Trump

Was excellently delivered from atop the stump

so perfectly minted

by newspapers widely reprinted

That everyone used it to wipe after taking a dump

The Holy Lady from Santa Cruz

Became the Aussie leg spinner’s muse

He rubbed her down under

Pried her legs asunder

And blessed his red cherry with her juice.

There was a young woman named Alice

who used a dynamite stick for a phallus

they found her vagina

in North Carolina

and the rest of poor Alice in Dallas.