‘Twas quite the odd task that they did
By testing some things off the grid
They took from the sea
Put in zero-G
What happens, in space, to a squid?
Category: Original Content
People just want to have hope
People just want to have hope
Some get it from booze or from dope
What does it for me
Is this pic, you see
Of Spider-man and the Pope
Now Tesla may be a bit fucked
Now Tesla may be a bit fucked
As some drivers, from cars have been chucked
Cause robots were driving
Now people are dying
So Cali’s looking at misconduct
Do ETs exist? We don’t know
Do ETs exist? We don’t know
If so, they haven’t said “hello”
Some scientist’s thoughts
Think there’s good spots
For them to watch this shit show
Someone please make this guy a cake
Someone please make this guy a cake
For a year of jumping in the lake
Even through the cold
The stunt didn’t get old
Now next time he’ll have to raise the stake
There once was a bear in AZ
There once was a bear in AZ
That climbed what he thought was a tree
The utility pole
S’where he ended his stroll
Made it down and now he runs free
This girl, for her dogs she did care
This girl, for her dogs she did care
So she leapt on a whim and a prayer
Went in unarmed
And came out unharmed
Which is lucky when shoving a bear
Some jobs are for dogs and for cats
Some jobs are for dogs and for cats
To which they are paid in soft pats
Now Magawa is done
But he had a good run
Now a legend among bomb-sniffing rats
To her ticket, she gave a quick toss
To her ticket, she gave a quick toss
And considered the purchase a loss
But her friends held her trash
So she’d win the cash
For her, no more shopping at Ross
Some Ohioans are a bit slow
Some Ohioans are a bit slow
In getting their first vaccine dose
They came up with a plot
To get people their shot
With a chance at a nice wad of dough
A couple was digging a pool
A couple was digging a pool
When they came across something quite cool
While smashing through stones
They found really old bones
Which surely made their doggy drool
The Girl Scouts are peddling their treats
The Girl Scouts are peddling their treats
But this year, not using their feets
Traded their wagons for drones
To deliver to homes
But now In the sky, not the streets
GM’s making rovers for space
GM’s making rovers for space
Ones they can park at the moon base
They’re keeping it green
With their new machine
But now the astronauts, they can race
With this couple now no longer alone
With this couple now no longer alone
They decided to pick up the phone
The firemen came
What they saw, they did claim
In the chimney, a bunch of birds had all flown
Sometimes it takes all of your power
Sometimes it takes all of your power
To think of your commute not so sour
But a cow and a gator
Made everyone later
By blocking the road in rush hour
Does the idea of neighbors sound vile?
Does the idea of neighbors sound vile?
The thought of seclusion makes you smile?
Well you might be in luck
You grouchy ol’ fuck
Because now you can buy your own isle
He reeled with a yank and a swish
He reeled with a yank and a swish
She didn’t fight, like she had a death wish
While it may not have fought
They’re still lucky they caught
This monstrous, 100-year-old fish
Most can handle bad odors a bit
Most can handle bad odors a bit
Like the smell of wet dog or armpit
But quite a few flocked
To get their nose rocked
By this flower that smells just like shit
From Camp Marmal, they’re trying to clear
From Camp Marmal, they’re trying to clear
And get home with their weapons and gear
But they hit a snag
With one major bag
And have to ship a shit ton of beer
In the dirt, it was buried and snug
In the dirt, it was buried and snug
But a mysterious thing they undug
They were afraid
It was a grenade
But turned out to be a butt plug
When a couple is having a child
When a couple is having a child
Their celebration is usually mild
These two thought those were boring
Feared their guests would be snoring
So they blew some shit up, fuckin’ wild
The sidewalk’s where these assholes perch
The sidewalk’s where these assholes perch
In mailboxes, they do their search
Just looking for cash
To add to their stash
What’s the punishment for stealing from church?
On tickets, she spent her money
On tickets, she spent her money
Her guest was a little bit funny
Brought to keep her chill
Gave the crowd a thrill
Such a hit was this therapy bunny
Pinatas hold some kind of stash
Pinatas hold some kind of stash
And to get them, you give them a bash
What Carolina did
Made it look like COVID
This one for sure we would all like to smash
The rattlesnake, he had to remove
The rattlesnake, he had to remove
“I can do it,” he wanted prove
Grab it with the tong
And heard its snake song
Then got bit, what a total dad move
A woman had gone for a ride
A woman had gone for a ride
Through the air, a reptile flied
It broke through the glass
Really kicked her ass
But the turtle, it still has not died
They’re giving vaccines in Sin City
They’re giving vaccines in Sin City
But this clinic is quite far from pretty
They had several spots
To distribute some shots
At the strip club, where you can see titty
Some neighbors were having a spat
Some neighbors were having a spat
But Kevin wouldn’t leave it at that
His anger, a fire
He slashed her tire
And at the crime scene, his finger sat
Some have found flies in their stew,
Some have found flies in their stew,
In their salad, a cockroach or two,
But a snake in your greens
Seems like it means
That Australia is just trying to fuck you
In CA, the situation was dire
In CA, the situation was dire
So some goats they decided to hire
As they chew and they munch
On their grassy, green lunch
They help in preventing wildfire
Some crates were hiding a stash
Some crates were hiding a stash
What they thought were some soot or ash
Nor was it snow
But actually blow
And they threw it all in the trash
Some have slip-ups or embarrassing falls
Some have slip-ups or embarrassing falls
On their serious business zoom calls
But this politician
Was in an awful position
Standing there just in his cock and balls
To the grave, you get one final strut
To the grave, you get one final strut
Then the lid on your casket is shut
You don’t see this that often
A fun, unique coffin
Like this one’s a cream-filled donut
Most of the oldies and churchgoers
Most of the oldies and churchgoers
Are fine with the engines and mowers
But one thing they can’t stand
And went and got it banned
Now no more loud, gas-powered leaf blowers
A man was just trying to do good
A man was just trying to do good
Helping others get by when he could
So he raised some cash
And made quite the stash
Then the US fucked this Robin Hood
He thought that his life was a breeze
He thought that his life was a breeze
Slinging some drugs for some fees
From his home, he’s been plucked
So now his life is fucked
All from posting a pic of some cheese
Now this woman truly was old,
Now this woman truly was old,
But her hand, it was time to fold
Born in 1905
Many years she did thrive
She sure lived a life to behold
Their yard had acquired some litter
Their yard had acquired some litter
From a man who was so old and bitter
It’d been quite a long time
Since the start of the crime
But now they have caught the cup shitter
Their friendship had come to an end
Their friendship had come to an end
So a message, James wanted to send
To ballistic from calm
The dick set off a bomb
To get even with his ex-best friend
The bird showed up at their house
The bird showed up at their house
And clung to one Westward spouse
He’s too protective
Or just defective
Now Todd’s best friend is a grouse
Some criminals, they just can’t quit
Some criminals, they just can’t quit
So these crimes, they have to commit
This goat broke down the door
Looking for a score
Rot in hell, you gross piece of shit
Such an age is quite tough to obtain
Such an age is quite tough to obtain
Which he claims is from chicken brain
Said that he liked to eat
Chicken brain, not the meat
But to me, he sounds batshit insane
This story comes from zoo in Berlin
This story comes from zoo in Berlin
Locked up in their cages, they’ve been
The monkeys got out
And wandered about
But have since been returned to their pen
Jurie thought the contest was unfair
Jurie thought the contest was unfair
Saying “The crown, she’s unfit to wear”
She took to the stage
In a jealous rage
And snatched the crown right off her hair
Rory’s shots aren’t often this bad
Rory’s shots aren’t often this bad
But this one was off just a tad
He lined up his shot
Then gave it a swat
But ended up nailing his dad
Some monkeys showed up in the bay
Some monkeys showed up in the bay
And so far they’re doing okay
They’ve avoided harm
Since they fled the farm
And now they’re in Florida to stay
Camille went on a walk with her bud
Camille went on a walk with her bud
But the stroll became a real dud
From enjoying the breeze
To sinking to her knees
She found herself stuck in the mud
No one wants their wedding outdone
No one wants their wedding outdone
So these lovers had a little fun
Their license will display
The extra special day
As they were married on 4-3-2-1
The Lookouts had lost their mascot
The Lookouts had lost their mascot
“Someone must’ve stole it” they thought
They started their hunt
To catch the ol’ cunt
But found the costume in the parking lot
“I did it! I won! Oh my gosh!”
“I did it! I won! Oh my gosh!”
So she claims but she lost in the wash
With a simple goof
She lost her proof
Which might keep her from living all posh