These limericks keep falling short
Of the wit that made it a sport
You should try to eat
A double tasty treat
And prove me wrong with re-torte.
On meetings
Here I sit awaiting a meeting,
And I think that it bears repeating:
Fuck all will get done,
We’ll stay at square one.
Any hope of progress is fleeting.
Mondays
Tis Monday, the week starts anew,
And swiftly now we will eschew
All pretense of work.
Merrily we’ll shirk.
I give it one day, maybe two.
Defying gravity
There once was a woman named Lawless
Whose rack seemed impossibly flawless
When someone contended
She kept them suspended
She flashed ’em to prove she was braless
SOS
There once was an orange old man toddler
Who enjoyed having sex with his daughter
He was less than equipped
To steer the big ship
Now we’re all taking on water
A Lady from Wheeling
There once was a lady from Wheeling
Who said she had no sexual feeling
’til a young man named Boris
touched her clitoris
and she had to be scraped from the ceiling
The Martini
There once was a man named McSweeny
Who spilled lots of gin on his weeney
So just to be couth
He added vermouth
And slipped his girlfriend a martini
Winning Her Love
Big, brown eyes, hair long and thick
She’s the cutest girl a guy could pick
Her love would bring
My heart to sing
She needs to see this sweet dick pic! Gotta Go!
“NO WATER” the sign did read
Oh damn did I feel the need
I had to go soon
To the little girls room
My bladder longed to be freed
The Question my friends should be
“To Pee or not to Pee”
As the time nears
It depends on the beers
And how many people will see
I put my training to the test
Cuz I can squat and Pee with the best
So I let ‘er rip
Finished with a zip
Walking out of the weeds with zest
Thank god it was night and not noon
Cuz to see this crazy ol’ loon
Would have caused most to say
As they turned away
Look mom, I saw a full MOON
A fine solution
An ugly old crone in a bonnet
Had a visage so foul you would vomit
So to spare the disgrace
Of exposing her face
She’d convince the old men to sit on it