There once was a monk from Kerplunks

There once was a monk from Kerplunks
Whose body was that of a hunk’s
The nuns all went woozy
when he stepped into the jacuzzi
For the monk had forgotten his trunks.

There once was a man from Nantucket

There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose dick was so long, he could suck it.
He said with a grin,
as he was wiping his chin
If my head was a cunt, I could fuck it.

There was a young fellow named Simon

There was a young fellow named Simon
Who tried to discover a hymen,
But he found every girl
Had relinquished her pearl
In exchange for a solitaire diamond!

There once was a woman from Arden

There once was a woman from Arden
Who was seen sucking a man in the garden
Her mother said, “Flo,
Where does it all go??
And she said, “Gulp, Beg your pardon?”

There was an old man from Roupe

There was an old man from Roupe
who had lost all control of his poop.
One night at supper
his wife said, “Now Tupper,
stop making that noise with your soup!”

There once was a boy named Kevin

There once was a boy named Kevin
Who used a vacuum to stretch it to seven,
Then eight and then nine,
And though ten was divine,
There will be film at eleven.

There was a young girl from Penzance

There was a young girl from Penzance
Who boarded a bus in a trance
A passenger fucked her
And so’d the conductor
The driver shot off in his pants.

There once was a woman named Schott

There once was a woman named Schott
Who ate only pig shit and snot
When she ran out of these,
She lived on the cheese
That grew in the folds of her twat