Once a young gay from Khartoum
Took a lesbian up to his room.
They argued all night
Over who had the right
To do what, and with which, and to whom.
There was a young lady of Arden
There was a young lady of Arden,
Who sucked off ol’ Bob in the garden.
He asked, “You old ho,
Where does all that stuff go?”
And she said, “(swallow hard)- Beg pardon?”
Said Piglet to Kanga the ‘roo
Said Piglet to Kanga the ‘roo,
“I’m achin’ to give you a screw.
“Not now, for I’m knobbin’
Young Christopher Robin’,
Said Kanga, “Try Winnie the Pooh.”
An accident really uncanny
An accident really uncanny,
Befell an unfortunate granny.
She sat down in a chair
While her false teeth were there,
And bit herself right in the fanny.
Young Caroline acts like a prude
Young Caroline acts like a prude
But has thoughts which are crude;
Behind innocent eyes
Belie dampness of thighs
And the fact she’s been recently screwed.
“So you want a vasectomy you fool?
“So you want a vasectomy you fool?
Just lift up your tool
And I’ll show you some tricks
With a couple of bricks
I was taught in a veterinary school.
There was a young lad from Bahrain
There was a young lad from Bahrain
Who prayed to the heavens for rain;
For he’d squirted his goo
All over his shoe
And he couldn’t get rid of the stain.
“Fallopian tube dead ahead!”
“Fallopian tube dead ahead!”
Cried the sperm as he upwardly sped.
Then the splosh and the sploosh
And the whoosh of a douche
Flushed him downwards and outwards instead.
This Playboy is mine I can tell
This Playboy is mine I can tell
‘Cause it has a peculiar smell.
Page twenty is rude
And appears to be glued
To another ten pages as well.
As clicketty-clack went the train
As clicketty-clack went the train
Over points it affected Miss Jane
In mysterious ways
For she left in a daze
With a highly embarrassing stain.
And now she’s addicted to trains
To relieve her frustrations and pains;
And the faster their speed
The more urgent her need
And the more satisfaction she gains.