A spiritual healer named Lee
Ducked into the alley to pee
He pissed in the eye
Of this blind homeless guy
Who screamed “Holy shit! I can see!”
There once was a girl from Nantucket
There once was a girl from Nantucket
whose pussy was big as a bucket
I put my dick in
and said with a grin
I’m gonna need a fence post to fuck it
Clinton’s Disbarment Defense
They say truth is stranger than fiction,
and slickness is rarer than friction
With Clinton we’ve found
the rules upside down–
especially with language and diction.
The latest political treatise,
American Rhapsody teases
And generates laughter
because the last chapter
proclaims Clinton talks with his penis.
Bill’s heated reaction was fleeting
when he got his gene-mapping readings
‘Cause his genes present
a brand-new defense
against his disbarment proceedings.
And in his disbarment proceedings,
this brand new defense will be pleaded
His lips will not move,
and that’s how he’ll prove
the lies were all told by his penis.
The judge in such case must be awesome
to measure such jetsam and flotsam.
That must be why
when this case is tried,
the judge in the case is a Johnson.
There once was a lad named Cass
There once was a lad named Cass
Whose balls were made of brass
In stormy weather
They’d bang together
And lightning would shoot out of his ass
man from Bombay
There once was a man from Bombay
who fashioned a cunt out of clay
but the heat from his prick
turned it to a brick
and chafed all his foreskin away.
Lady from Exeter
There once was a lady from Exeter
so pretty that men craned their necks at her
one was even so brave
as to pull out and wave
the destinguishing mark of his sex at her.
A man took some shit from his wife
A man took some shit from his wife
’bout the lack of good sex in their life
By way of apology
He whipped out mahogany
And her asscrack was soon in great strife!
A frustrated factory slave
A frustrated factory slave
Tried to have sex with a lathe
But his bold penile pup
Was quickly chopped up
And entombed in a cold metal grave.
Screw Ma’lue
There once was a girl named Screw Ma’lue
She went out west to find her fricken best
When she fucked, she fucked for keeps
Laid her victims up in heaps
But in this town named Bad-Ass Crete
There lived a half-assed bastard named Piss-Pot Pete
With snot in his beard and shit on his feet
He had twenty-six pounds of swinging meat
Well Screw Ma’lue had met her fate
Turning back was much to late
Until this date today
Her drawers hang in the town’s cafe
Man from Mars
There was a man from Mars
he had Balls made of Brass
In rough sea weather
they short circuited together
and sparks came out of his Arse