There was an old lady from heeling,

There was an old lady from heeling,

who had a peculiar feeling,

she laid on her back,

opened her crack

and peed all over the ceiling

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“The Bible is great – you can’t beat it!

“The Bible is great – you can’t beat it!
I’m constantly trying to heed it.
It’s a real, bona fide,
Top spiritual guide,
And someday I might even read it”

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“These G7 leaders, I swear—

“These G7 leaders, I swear—
They tell me our press is unfair!
And, uh.. that I’m thin
With beautiful skin,
Big brains, and a thick head of hair.”

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World leaders just want me to win

World leaders just want me to win
Their applause rises over your din
By leaders I mean
Two guys very keen
One called Un and the other Putin.

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The pres thinks a nuclear blast

The pres thinks a nuclear blast
Could clear up a hurricane fast.
Most experts agree,
Meteorologically,
The plan isn’t even half-assed

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Gone fishing

A turbulent typhoon quite thick

Tossed the Pequod about like a stick

When the man in the crow’s

Shouted out “Thar she blows!”

Suddenly it was all hands on Dick

Said Donald, I’d like to expand

Said Donald, I’d like to expand
Let’s go out and buy us some land
Greenland’s just icy
So shouldn’t be pricey
Let’s ask if they’ll take cash in hand

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The people of Denmark agree

The people of Denmark agree
That Greenland’s their territory,
And heartily LOL’d
At the thought it be sold
To a real-estate failure like T.

Cork

There once was a woman from Cork,

who dreaded her gift from the stork.

Her good friend from Bangor

suggested a hanger

or maybe an old salad fork.

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In days before hypertext linking

In days before hypertext linking

All we did was a whole lot of clicking

All the pages were text

Getting one to the next

Was impossible- what were we thinking?

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