There once was a lady from Exeter
so pretty that men craned their necks at her
one was even so brave
as to pull out and wave
the destinguishing mark of his sex at her.

A man took some shit from his wife
’bout the lack of good sex in their life
By way of apology
He whipped out mahogany
And her asscrack was soon in great strife!

There once was a girl named Screw Ma’lue
She went out west to find her fricken best
When she fucked, she fucked for keeps
Laid her victims up in heaps
But in this town named Bad-Ass Crete
There lived a half-assed bastard named Piss-Pot Pete
With snot in his beard and shit on his feet
He had twenty-six pounds of swinging meat
Well Screw Ma’lue had met her fate
Turning back was much to late
Until this date today
Her drawers hang in the town’s cafe

There was a man from Mars
he had Balls made of Brass
In rough sea weather
they short circuited together
and sparks came out of his Arse

There once was a man named Jim,
Who downloaded porn on a whim,
He infected his ‘puta
While jerkin’ his shoota,
And turned his brain from bright to dim.

There once was a man from Nantucket,
who had a dick so long he could suck it.
He’d say with a grin, as he wiped off his chin, ” If my ear was a pussy, I’d fuck it!!!”

There was an old man from Leeds
who swallowed a packet of seeds
blades of grass
grew out of his arse
and his bollocks were covered in weeds.