The pothole had got quite shitty
But no one would pay the fee
Raymond found a fix
But not one with bricks
And in its place, he put a tree
Favorite This!Keep it Dirty!
The pothole had got quite shitty
But no one would pay the fee
Raymond found a fix
But not one with bricks
And in its place, he put a tree
Favorite This!They think this shit hole is nice
Especially, given the price
As the inmates leave
Their own nests they weave
As the prison is now run by mice
Favorite This!As we split up our cottons and lace
Their own smells, astronauts, must embrace
But Tide will be to thank
If they can end the stank
And help them do their laundry in space
Favorite This!Two brothers, they hiked really high
So between two tall peaks, they could tie
The old record, they beat
With this dangerous feat
Just get shit-faced like a normal guy
Favorite This!This guy has got quite the luck
As gold, he truly has struck
He won thousands more
Where he’s won before
How can’t you envy this fuck?
Favorite This!The ticket went into her bag
When she won she didn’t brag
‘Cause she didn’t know
That she’d won the dough
Which would really have been quite a drag
Favorite This!With the cat, she was having some fun
Using the laser pointer on a gun
Things soon went awry
Her friend shot in the thigh
Just about a foot of his bun
Favorite This!From their reserve, the elephants fled
300 miles, each other they’ve led
Being up to 5 tons
They are quite big ones
Thankfully no one’s has ended up dead
Favorite This!His car had maxed out his speed
So he got stopped for his deed
During the infraction
He jumped into action
And saved him from choking on weed
Favorite This!In Europe, tensions did boil
So lawyers began to toil
Two chocolate hares
‘Swhat caused the affairs
And all of it over gold foil
Favorite This!Twitter really tried to stay cool
By giving their users a new tool
It wasn’t desired
And Promptly backfired
If you use it you’re a fucking fool
Favorite This!She needed exposure, hands-on
So he gave her an apron to don
Fifteen years she stayed
Then offered a trade
A buck for the whole damn salon
Favorite This!Customs located a stash
Of eyelash after eyelash
But the FDA
Did have their say
And think they could cause quite a rash
Favorite This!Most birds gather pebbles and sticks
And munch on some worms or some ticks
But before the flock split
They fucked up her shit
Who knew condors could be such dicks
Favorite This!In Florida, the pigeons did roam
Looking for their home sweet home
Landed on the highway
Decided they’re stray
Now eating trash and styrofoam
Favorite This!They thought they were quite clever folk
But now they’re just in jail and broke
They surely paid
For the cake they made
Their sweet treat was actually coke
Favorite This!A man from Wyoming got high
On a substance he wanted to try
Then he called the cops
So they sent in their ops
Now to meth, he’ll have to say “bye”
Favorite This!For mayor, he wanted their pick
So on stage, he gave his shtick
But soon interrupted
As chaos erupted
Because of a drone with a dick
Favorite This!Some people care for stray cats
With treats and kisses and pats
And feeding a duck
Is not gross as fuck
But it is when it’s 20 rats
Favorite This!A man had been thrown in the clink
His release, just right on the brink
With his payment, he lied
And was sent back inside
For real, what did this fucker think?
Favorite This!The pilot just took to sky
And spotted what looked like a guy
Who had on his back
Some sort of jetpack
He’ll be lucky if he doesn’t die
Favorite This!A woman was holding her pup
When she dropped it, it didn’t get up
Drove to cops, in her car
Who then gave CPR
Damn, that lady really fucked up
Favorite This!This beefalo’s caused quite the stir
He refused his slaughter to occur
His life on the run
Is over and done
Down to Florida, they let him transfer
Favorite This!This isn’t just some wedding cake
It’s a quite famous keepsake
Over 40-years-old
Probably filled with mold
Someone paid two grand for a tummy ache
Favorite This!A ten percent tip is okay
“Twenty is great,” some will say
But an NH guest
Promised the best
And left a tip of 16k
Favorite This!He was learning to shoot chipmunks dead
But this little shot, he misread
They’ll need a band-aid
Since it ricocheted
And shot his uncle in the head
Favorite This!In Baton Rouge, there’s been an influx
Of close to about 60 ducks
The city’s fretting
And find it upsetting
But the birds, they give zero fucks
Favorite This!In Philly, they’re having a race
With attire, a bit out of place
As tradition goes
You don’t have to wear clothes
With a mask just to cover your face
Favorite This!He was diving on his normal route
Just working as a lobster scout
Caught in a whale’s bite
He put up a fight
It surfaced and then spit him out
Favorite This!“Oh shit! My wallet, I lack!”
After checking her wallet and pack
For so long she yearned
And now it’s returned
But at this point, why want it back?
Favorite This!Everyone knows how drinking goes
Couple drinks then you’re boxing pros
But these dudes went hard
And one will be scarred
As one chomped the other one’s nose
Favorite This!The dumpsters they gave a peruse
Looking for what trash to choose
This instance is odd
As this hungry squad
Is not raccoons but cockatoos
Favorite This!Souvenirs are postcards or hats
Or even a meaningful tat
They stole some land
A shit ton of sand
What the fuck would they do with all that?
Favorite This!A man, he was tearing down walls
And made out with quite some odd hauls
Now under his house
It wasn’t a mouse
But a shit ton of bowling balls
Favorite This!There was a deal for some land
But it didn’t go over as planned
The mess did unfold
When the tower was sold
You know someone’s getting canned
Favorite This!Rich folk have been taking some notes
Wanting to marry their yards and their boats
They paid their fee
Now in NYC,
Is this boujee-ass park that just floats
Favorite This!A sunbather let out a loud screech
No one knows how there it did reach
It’s quite some weird shit
That the gator made it
From New Orleans to a Texas beach
Favorite This!To sell it quite high was their aim
So to an auction they came
With the final bill
At nearly 2 mil
All for a Mario game
Favorite This!This guy is a real shitty dude
And this move was truly quite crude
He got some citations
For killing crustaceans
Spoiling thousands of bucks in seafood
Favorite This!In Thornton, crime filled the air
Car break-ins gave quite the scare
They caught the felon
Not Roy or Helen
Instead, it was a dumbass bear
Favorite This!A German was looking through trash
Then noticed something in a flash
He found some old art
Grabbing it was smart
‘Cause those things are worth quite some cash
Favorite This!In Alaska, a pilot had flown
“SOS,” a man’s rooftop had shown
Got attacked by a bear
And got quite the scare
Said the dick wouldn’t leave him alone
Favorite This!He grabbed his coat and his keys
To put his hunger at ease
He didn’t stay calm
And threatened a bomb
For not getting sauce at McD’s
Favorite This!The driver’s window was ajar
Just listenin’ to some NPR
The bug must’ve thought
“Outside is quite hot”
It flew in and fucked up their car
Favorite This!These gardeners just want to know
About seeds and how they should sow
But Facebook’s upset
Thinking it’s a threat
Flipping shit about the word “hoe”
Favorite This!The swimmers lined up for the race
All hoping that they’d win first place
They made some headway
Before the delay
As a boat was in the wrong space
Favorite This!That wondering steer, he did pass
He is back home and chewing on grass
Another is loose
Not a sheep or goosed
But now on the run is an ass
Favorite This!An aquarium is letting you bid
On belugas that Canada rid
People picking the name
Is a dangerous game
They’ll get something like “Asshat” or “Shid”
Favorite This!‘Twas quite the odd task that they did
By testing some things off the grid
They took from the sea
Put in zero-G
What happens, in space, to a squid?
Favorite This!People just want to have hope
Some get it from booze or from dope
What does it for me
Is this pic, you see
Of Spider-man and the Pope
Favorite This!