Last year’s better left in the past
So a question, LSSU has asked
“What words from last year
Did you hate to hear?”
Those related to COVID were vast
Keep it Dirty!
Last year’s better left in the past
So a question, LSSU has asked
“What words from last year
Did you hate to hear?”
Those related to COVID were vast
In Indiana, they’ve lifted their ban
One in place for a 50 year span
Now the hippies can run
They can play in the sun
And smoke weed in their Volkswagen van
A trucker was driving his route
When a loose screw must’ve come out
What the stores couldn’t take
Gave Bean’s Cafe a break
With free produce for them to dish out
Under his hair, he tried to conceal
Some cocaine from a sketchy drug deal
But this stupid fuck
Misjudged his luck
Cuz everyone knew his hair wasn’t real
The rodent emerged from its burl
Set its sights on an innocent girl
Attacked her right quick
The sneaky lil’ dick
So beware of this asshole-ish squirrel
In their mouths, McDonald’s, some cram
The burgers I get, but hot damn
This one’s unreal,
Who’d try this meal
With oreo’s, mayo, and spam?
By the snake, the man was enticed
But 300 bucks was just overpriced
Pet in hand, he took off
The fucking jerk-off
But stealing a boa is such a lame heist
The inauguration, Bernie Sanders was there
And people were thrilled about his outerwear
Quite crazy, it seems
That it spawned many memes
When all he did was sit in a chair
A pup who’d been gone for five years
Her family, so sad, filled with tears
But her microchip
Showed ownership
Her reunion, it called for much cheers!
The Sumatran is a dying breed
Zoo keepers encourage “the deed”
To the newborn that came
Kawi, is the name
Better than Bentleigh, or Jaxton, or Tweed
Everyone loves their cute pet
All the stress, it can help them forget
Over 200 Guineas
Is way too manys
Not to mention, all of their shet
We’ve all half-assed our jobs, just a bit
Maybe more than we’d like to admit
To have a whole operation
At the sewage station
Prob’ly makes wine just taste like shit
The parents had acted with scorn
The man’s heart, shredded and torn
His stash, thrown away
Was worth 29k
So he sued them for tossing his porn
A man, he had run off the road
And the sky, it snowed and it snowed
The car eventually shut off
As he froze his nut off
Now to the cops, his virility’s owed
Her neighbor was being a twit
Pringle just couldn’t allow it
So she hatched a plan
To fool the man
Now he owns a box full of shit
A man left some art by Tanguy
As his airplane took to the sky
Luckily, he got it back
As it’s worth a fat stack
But if I lost that thing I’d just die
Got the call, and the cops were in route
Heard of criminals after some loot
The boots hit the ground
But they soon found
Just some dudes, mid-video shoot
This man just, he wouldn’t quit
As he searched through 9 tons of shit
To go through all that stink
Really makes you think
How much cash was in that wall-it?
The players had all paid their fare
As they picked their numbers with care
But they were quite pissed
When they heard the twist
All those winnings, they’d have to share
Kids always have something to prove
This one wanted his grandad removed
Claims he’s related to POTUS
And insists that he showed us
As for the judge, he did not approve
In Bavaria, the statue stood strong
Twas as girthy, as it was long
The artistic hard-on
Was there and then gone
Now, in its place, a brilliant new dong
The cops have saved cats and some dogs,
They’ve even saved rodents and frogs
But this one is new
For the cops in Peru
They can add wallaroo to their logs
People say that the ending is nigh
As meteors fall from the sky
It must be too much fun
Seeing us flail as we run
For fuck’s sake, just please let us die
Robots are groovin’ and dancing around
So fun to watch them really get down
But when they rise up
And our homes, they blow up
Your smile will turn to a sad, little frown
They tried to make off with their things
Like their watches, a necklace, and rings
Swish, wham, bang, and wooshes
The man swatted the douches
In style, he got in some good swings
A cop was out on his beat,
Saw a family that was tryin’ to eat
Thought “It’s Christmas time”
As he witnessed the crime
And paid for their groceries, how neat
In Berlin, the Danish Mayflies
Won such an illustrious prize
But their lives are bleak
As they’re dead in a week
Cause it’s born, then fucks, and then dies
Customers can be flat out rude
Someone’s always in a pissy mood
But this guy was sincere
Tipped 3k on a beer
Cause he is just one awesome dude
If you ever feel bitter
Or feel a lack of glitter
Don’t have a doubt
check us out:
Florida men get a really bad wrap
Usually taking drugs or some crap
But this guy is good
And did what he could
Saved his pup from a gators death snap
At college, you made your debut
A career, you wished to pursue
Homework, you half-assed
But you pushed through and passed
Still, at 12 this kid’s smarter than you
Since the moment the first story aired
Everyone felt so unprepared
So they panic bought
All the Charmin and Scott
I guess people shit more when they’re scared
Florida usually feels like a sauna
Which is great for the flora and fauna
“It’s gonna get cold”
The forecast foretold
From the trees, may be a falling iguana
A man saw a flipped car so he acted quick
Checked for scrapes, and bruises or any small nick
To help him, he tried
Then the douche stole his ride
They should send him to jail just for being a dick
You remember these dumb fucking folks?
In charge of the “balloon boy” hoax?
They got a month of detention
For the attempt at attention
And for the rest of their lives they’ll be jokes
Those birds can be found all over the city
Eating trash, leftovers, and anything gritty
Now you mean to say
That people will pay
A high price for something gross and so shitty?
So brightly, his Christmas cheers shine
His gimmick was one of a kind
Dressed as St. Nick
His plan failed quite quick
As he landed in a live power line
Snow on the ground like the North Pole-uh
Which makes cars kinda hard to control-uh
But if you get a good deal
On a sick snow mobile
Do NOT put it on top your Corolla
The monolith thing’s overdone
But this one was so much more fun
The towering sugar and Crisco
Appeared in San Francisco
And the gingerbread baked in the sun
This year has been a real chore
Worse than anyone could’ve asked for
But one little fam
They got to cram
And spent the night in a toy store
“I’ll win again” the president gloated
Like the rest she was so devoted
The bun she was baking
Nine months in the making
Had to wait until after she voted
This year has truly been whack
And good times, there is quite a lack
But it’s looking up
Cause Mac’s cooking up
And they’re bringing McRibs fucking back!
A sweet Mustang, the python had eyed
So swiftly he squirmed right inside
They had the galls
To bust his snake balls
When he really just needed a ride
A fan base, the turkey procured
Which truly is quite absurd
He was an asshole at times
And was charged for his crimes
So a death sentence, was giv’n to the bird
From Home Depot, he stole quite a lot
Thirteen hundred in goods and what not
He’s a cop so you’d think
So low, he’d not sink
But surprise, asshole, you got caught
His actions, unruly and sus
The chaos, it caused quite a fuss
This asshole should have known
That in jail he’d be thrown
For shooting a flamethrower off of a bus
The dinosaurs, the meteor was blighting
And the earth prepared for igniting
But if the world was ending
I know how I’d be spending
My time, I’m not sure they were fighting 😉
Some smuggle in weed or meth or blow
Just lookin’ for some extra dough
But it’s pretty numbing
They did not see it coming
It’s hard to hide ten whole tons of tobacco
The man saw that his chances were slim
But he proved he was so much more dim
He took to the lake
Then faced his mistake
And remembered he could not even swim
The internet composed a list
Of words that make some tongues twist
Kamala, Nevada, Fauci
Just to name three
So many dumbasses live in our midst