Two pandas were born at the zoo
So small they could fit in a shoe
Xiao Xiao and Lei Lei
I think’s how you say
The names of these fans of bamboo
Favorite This! Two pandas were born at the zoo
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(No Ratings Yet)Loading...Favorite This! His Aunt, she had died in her sleep
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...His Aunt, she had died in her sleep
And for her he surely did weep
Alone he did grieve
Since he couldn’t leave
Said goodbye with a heart made of sheep
Favorite This! Some houses have termites or mold
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...Some houses have termites or mold
Or have trouble keeping out cold
But this home’s more weird
Yet is still revered
Boston’s skinny house has been sold
Favorite This! A museum in Denmark, did pick
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...A museum in Denmark did pick
A great artist to do his trick
When they gave him cash
He fled in a flash
Not sure if he’s a genius or prick
Favorite This! This man went out for a drink
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...This man went out for a drink
Had too many and needed a wink
He never came home
The woods friends did comb
Woke up, said “I’ll help them I think”
Favorite This! He’d had more than a drink or two
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...He’d had more than a drink or two
Pulled over, a .08 he blew
The cops locked him up
But a plan he thought up
And taped a spare key to his shoe
Favorite This! At a park, Merkel shared a few words
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...At a park, Merkel shared a few words
While feeding some tropical birds
Then one bit her hand
And the photo was grand
Plus I’m sure she was covered in turds
Favorite This! Events like this are quite rare
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...Events like this are quite rare
And must be handled with care
I doubt he’d admit
If his pants, he shit
When in his garage was a bear
Favorite This! These leaders were having a chat
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...These leaders were having a chat
And quite a good one at that
But Peanut thought
He’d risk a swat
Being cute is what he is good at
Favorite This! Pets, they can make perfect friends
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...Pets, they can make perfect friends
They’ll love right up ‘til their ends
But some cats and dogs
Been replaced with hogs
And others that belong in pens
Favorite This! A cow had gone to Mickey D’s
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...A cow had gone to Mickey D’s
In a sedan, it did have to squeeze
In the drive-thru
The patron did moo
Could someone explain this one, please?
Favorite This! The school’s near forests and trees
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...The school’s near forests and trees
Which is great at blocking the breeze
Raccoons live there too
And nobody knew
They’d infect the whole school with fleas
Favorite This! This woman was acting quite rude
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...This woman was acting quite rude
After pulling a stunt oh so lewd
Her ass, it was out
“Don’t touch me!” she spout
All for taking a dip in the nude
Favorite This! Australia’s got poisonous snails,
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...Australia’s got poisonous snails,
Snakes, and pissed off killer whales
But you better not mock
Someone bit by a croc
Because this guy, he’s tough as nails
Favorite This! Some people just don’t have a clue
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...Some people just don’t have a clue
How you should act at the zoo
Just like this asshat
Who pestered the cat
And ended up with a boo-boo
Favorite This! The diamonds, this woman did spot
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...The diamonds, this woman did spot
So with her some pebbles she brought
The rocks, she tried to switch
In hopes of getting rich
Did she really think she’d not get caught?
Favorite This! Retirement’s not meant for some
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...Retirement’s not meant for some
It may make them feel like a bum
Like this lady from Maine
Said work keeps her sane
Catching lobsters until she goes numb
Favorite This! Every now and then you’ll catch a fish
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...Every now and then you’ll catch a fish
That would make quite the nice dish
But this one caught by Ben
Just might be a ten
I mean look at the size of that bitch!
Favorite This! They put their supplies in their place
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...They put their supplies in their place
Getting ready to send it to space
NASA had a surprise
For their girls and their guys
With some pizza to stuff their face
Favorite This! In intelligence, there was a lack
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...In intelligence, there was a lack
Or maybe he was just on crack
His plan was bizarre
Cause he stole a car
Then got caught when selling it back
Favorite This! ‘Twas more than football to look at
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...‘Twas more than football to look at
As there was a dangling cat
Who could have died
And we would have cried
Thankfully it didn’t go splat
Favorite This! This wasn’t a monkey or snake
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...This wasn’t a monkey or snake
That made its attempted jailbreak
Momentarily
The rhino was free
Not another Harambe heartbreak
Favorite This! Not carrying a gun or a knife
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...Not carrying a gun or a knife
But still this will cause him some strife
Sick with COVID
He went and hid
And tried to fly dressed as his wife
Favorite This! A woman had the perfect view
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...A woman had the perfect view
From her home, she bought with her boo
She’s headed to court
Neighbors, to report
To remove the tall tree that they grew
Favorite This! These taxis are stuck in their spots
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...These taxis are stuck in their spots
In some Thailand parking lots
Planting on the car roof
This isn’t a goof
But seems to work better than pots
Favorite This! A snake’s on the loose in Raleigh
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...A snake’s on the loose in Raleigh
After some moron’s folly
A bite from this guy
Could cause you to die
And seeing it might make you pee
Favorite This! On the chair some like to sit
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...On the chair some like to sit
As quite a few it can fit
Whoever came through
And broke it in two
Is a real piece of dog shit
Favorite This! Are you in search of a house?
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...Are you in search of a house?
Then you should send this to your spouse
For sale in Boston
This one is quite thin
But pretty roomy if you’re a mouse
Favorite This! Things have slowed down quite a bit
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...Things have slowed down quite a bit
In Bali, the tourists quit
Handing out food
Which monkeys find rude
And in turn, are going ape shit
Favorite This! Their number exceeded their quotes
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...Their number exceeded their quotes
And they certainly are lacking oats
So they’re drawing names
To those who want claims
To all of these Hawaiian goats
Favorite This! The mouse trap is a great device
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...The mouse trap is a great device
It’s fast and it’s quick and precise
But our blokes down under
Need lightning’ and thunder
To exterminate this many mice
Favorite This! This kid just swam ‘cross the lake
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...This kid just swam ‘cross the lake
Plus an age record he did break
At only fourteen
His feats are pristine
And you just sit there eating cake
Favorite This! The tenant could not pay his debts
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...The tenant could not pay his debts
Vacating without some assets
The landlord showed up
To do a checkup
Instead found a houseful of pets
Favorite This! From restaurants, a man had been stealing
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...From restaurants, a man had been stealing
He squirmed on the floor, not the ceiling
Kept his body low
So alarms didn’t blow
Now I hope he finds jail floors appealing
Favorite This! The pothole had got quite shitty
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...The pothole had got quite shitty
But no one would pay the fee
Raymond found a fix
But not one with bricks
And in its place, he put a tree
Favorite This! They think this shit hole is nice
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...They think this shit hole is nice
Especially, given the price
As the inmates leave
Their own nests they weave
As the prison is now run by mice
Favorite This! As we split up our cottons and lace
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...As we split up our cottons and lace
Their own smells, astronauts, must embrace
But Tide will be to thank
If they can end the stank
And help them do their laundry in space
Favorite This! Two brothers, they hiked really high
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...Two brothers, they hiked really high
So between two tall peaks, they could tie
The old record, they beat
With this dangerous feat
Just get shit-faced like a normal guy
Favorite This! This guy has got quite the luck
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...This guy has got quite the luck
As gold, he truly has struck
He won thousands more
Where he’s won before
How can’t you envy this fuck?
Favorite This! The ticket went into her bag
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...The ticket went into her bag
When she won she didn’t brag
‘Cause she didn’t know
That she’d won the dough
Which would really have been quite a drag
Favorite This! With the cat, she was having some fun
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...With the cat, she was having some fun
Using the laser pointer on a gun
Things soon went awry
Her friend shot in the thigh
Just about a foot of his bun
Favorite This! From their reserve, the elephants fled
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...From their reserve, the elephants fled
300 miles, each other they’ve led
Being up to 5 tons
They are quite big ones
Thankfully no one’s has ended up dead
Favorite This! His car had maxed out his speed
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...His car had maxed out his speed
So he got stopped for his deed
During the infraction
He jumped into action
And saved him from choking on weed
Favorite This! In Europe, tensions did boil
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...In Europe, tensions did boil
So lawyers began to toil
Two chocolate hares
‘Swhat caused the affairs
And all of it over gold foil
Favorite This! Twitter really tried to stay cool
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...Twitter really tried to stay cool
By giving their users a new tool
It wasn’t desired
And Promptly backfired
If you use it you’re a fucking fool
Favorite This! She needed exposure, hands-on
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...She needed exposure, hands-on
So he gave her an apron to don
Fifteen years she stayed
Then offered a trade
A buck for the whole damn salon
Favorite This! Customs located a stash
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...Customs located a stash
Of eyelash after eyelash
But the FDA
Did have their say
And think they could cause quite a rash
Favorite This! Most birds gather pebbles and sticks
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...Most birds gather pebbles and sticks
And munch on some worms or some ticks
But before the flock split
They fucked up her shit
Who knew condors could be such dicks
Favorite This! In Florida, the pigeons did roam
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...In Florida, the pigeons did roam
Looking for their home sweet home
Landed on the highway
Decided they’re stray
Now eating trash and styrofoam
Favorite This! They thought they were quite clever folk
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...They thought they were quite clever folk
But now they’re just in jail and broke
They surely paid
For the cake they made
Their sweet treat was actually coke
Favorite This!