In the dirt, it was buried and snug
But a mysterious thing they undug
They were afraid
It was a grenade
But turned out to be a butt plug
Favorite This! In the dirt, it was buried and snug
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(No Ratings Yet)Loading...Favorite This! When a couple is having a child
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...When a couple is having a child
Their celebration is usually mild
These two thought those were boring
Feared their guests would be snoring
So they blew some shit up, fuckin’ wild
Favorite This! The sidewalk’s where these assholes perch
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...The sidewalk’s where these assholes perch
In mailboxes, they do their search
Just looking for cash
To add to their stash
What’s the punishment for stealing from church?
Favorite This! On tickets, she spent her money
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...On tickets, she spent her money
Her guest was a little bit funny
Brought to keep her chill
Gave the crowd a thrill
Such a hit was this therapy bunny
Favorite This! Pinatas hold some kind of stash
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...Pinatas hold some kind of stash
And to get them, you give them a bash
What Carolina did
Made it look like COVID
This one for sure we would all like to smash
Favorite This! The rattlesnake, he had to remove
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...The rattlesnake, he had to remove
“I can do it,” he wanted prove
Grab it with the tong
And heard its snake song
Then got bit, what a total dad move
Favorite This! A woman had gone for a ride
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...A woman had gone for a ride
Through the air, a reptile flied
It broke through the glass
Really kicked her ass
But the turtle, it still has not died
Favorite This! They’re giving vaccines in Sin City
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...They’re giving vaccines in Sin City
But this clinic is quite far from pretty
They had several spots
To distribute some shots
At the strip club, where you can see titty
Favorite This! Some neighbors were having a spat
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...Some neighbors were having a spat
But Kevin wouldn’t leave it at that
His anger, a fire
He slashed her tire
And at the crime scene, his finger sat
Favorite This! Some have found flies in their stew,
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...Some have found flies in their stew,
In their salad, a cockroach or two,
But a snake in your greens
Seems like it means
That Australia is just trying to fuck you
Favorite This! In CA, the situation was dire
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...In CA, the situation was dire
So some goats they decided to hire
As they chew and they munch
On their grassy, green lunch
They help in preventing wildfire
Favorite This! Some crates were hiding a stash
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...Some crates were hiding a stash
What they thought were some soot or ash
Nor was it snow
But actually blow
And they threw it all in the trash
Favorite This! Some have slip-ups or embarrassing falls
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...Some have slip-ups or embarrassing falls
On their serious business zoom calls
But this politician
Was in an awful position
Standing there just in his cock and balls
Favorite This! To the grave, you get one final strut
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...To the grave, you get one final strut
Then the lid on your casket is shut
You don’t see this that often
A fun, unique coffin
Like this one’s a cream-filled donut
Favorite This! Most of the oldies and churchgoers
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...Most of the oldies and churchgoers
Are fine with the engines and mowers
But one thing they can’t stand
And went and got it banned
Now no more loud, gas-powered leaf blowers
Favorite This! A man was just trying to do good
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...A man was just trying to do good
Helping others get by when he could
So he raised some cash
And made quite the stash
Then the US fucked this Robin Hood
Favorite This! He thought that his life was a breeze
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...He thought that his life was a breeze
Slinging some drugs for some fees
From his home, he’s been plucked
So now his life is fucked
All from posting a pic of some cheese
Favorite This! Now this woman truly was old,
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...Now this woman truly was old,
But her hand, it was time to fold
Born in 1905
Many years she did thrive
She sure lived a life to behold
Favorite This! Their yard had acquired some litter
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...Their yard had acquired some litter
From a man who was so old and bitter
It’d been quite a long time
Since the start of the crime
But now they have caught the cup shitter
Favorite This! Their friendship had come to an end
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...Their friendship had come to an end
So a message, James wanted to send
To ballistic from calm
The dick set off a bomb
To get even with his ex-best friend
Favorite This! The bird showed up at their house
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...The bird showed up at their house
And clung to one Westward spouse
He’s too protective
Or just defective
Now Todd’s best friend is a grouse
Favorite This! Some criminals, they just can’t quit
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...Some criminals, they just can’t quit
So these crimes, they have to commit
This goat broke down the door
Looking for a score
Rot in hell, you gross piece of shit
Favorite This! Such an age is quite tough to obtain
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...Such an age is quite tough to obtain
Which he claims is from chicken brain
Said that he liked to eat
Chicken brain, not the meat
But to me, he sounds batshit insane
Favorite This! This story comes from zoo in Berlin
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...This story comes from zoo in Berlin
Locked up in their cages, they’ve been
The monkeys got out
And wandered about
But have since been returned to their pen
Favorite This! Jurie thought the contest was unfair
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...Jurie thought the contest was unfair
Saying “The crown, she’s unfit to wear”
She took to the stage
In a jealous rage
And snatched the crown right off her hair
Favorite This! Rory’s shots aren’t often this bad
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...Rory’s shots aren’t often this bad
But this one was off just a tad
He lined up his shot
Then gave it a swat
But ended up nailing his dad
Favorite This! Some monkeys showed up in the bay
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...Some monkeys showed up in the bay
And so far they’re doing okay
They’ve avoided harm
Since they fled the farm
And now they’re in Florida to stay
Favorite This! Camille went on a walk with her bud
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...Camille went on a walk with her bud
But the stroll became a real dud
From enjoying the breeze
To sinking to her knees
She found herself stuck in the mud
Favorite This! No one wants their wedding outdone
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...No one wants their wedding outdone
So these lovers had a little fun
Their license will display
The extra special day
As they were married on 4-3-2-1
Favorite This! The Lookouts had lost their mascot
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...The Lookouts had lost their mascot
“Someone must’ve stole it” they thought
They started their hunt
To catch the ol’ cunt
But found the costume in the parking lot
Favorite This! “I did it! I won! Oh my gosh!”
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...“I did it! I won! Oh my gosh!”
So she claims but she lost in the wash
With a simple goof
She lost her proof
Which might keep her from living all posh
Favorite This! A man had just bought some groceries,
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...A man had just bought some groceries,
Got to his car, and pulled out his keys
He looked in the backseat
Then chose to retreat
To get away from fuckton of bees
Favorite This! A lady had snuck into school
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...A lady had snuck into school
Undercover and playing it cool
This entire sham
Was for Instagram
To get followers, oh what a tool
Favorite This! A couple had feared for outbreaks
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...A couple had feared for outbreaks
Which was causing them some headaches
But the couple claim
The purpose of the flame
Was to get rid of all of the snakes
Favorite This! As crews hacked away with their tool
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...As crews hacked away with their tool
The education board decided to rule
Chemicals caused a delay
So the kids couldn’t stay
Then turned a Macy’s store into a school
Favorite This! MMA is pretty damn rough
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...MMA is pretty damn rough
And those fighters are totally buff
In the midst of their scrap
Pliev’s finger went snap
Holy shit that guy’s so fuckin’ tough
Favorite This! These pilots, they got quite the scare
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...These pilots, they got quite the scare
When they collided in the air
The two planes, they struck
And got lucky as fuck
A situation like this is quite rare
Favorite This! Robot research is making head way
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...Robot research is making head way
And the future will be here someday
Sophia’s getting a start
By making some art
And out their asses people will pay
Favorite This! With the building aflame and on fire
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...With the building aflame and on fire
Thought he’d better flee from the pyre
With a leap and a bound
He made it to the ground
It just wasn’t his time to retire
Favorite This! ‘Member that cow who was runnin’ around?
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...‘Member that cow who was runnin’ around?
In that small lil’ Rhode Island town
You’ll be happy to hear
That the ol’ roaming steer
Is back home and has finally been found
Favorite This! The chief tried to avoid a small meeting
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...The chief tried to avoid a small meeting
What he did could be considered cheating
Now he lost his job
With a cry and a sob
A mistake he won’t be repeating
Favorite This! One last macaw in Brazil’s all alone
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...One last macaw in Brazil’s all alone
Where another might be is unknown
Guess all life is the same
But who can you blame
We’re just looking for someone to bone
Favorite This! NASA’s calmed one of our greatest fears
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...NASA’s calmed one of our greatest fears
Some great news to pass through our ears
Earth will surely avoid
A hurling asteroid
For at least a hundred more years
Favorite This! Kami Rita’s again reached the peak
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...Kami Rita’s again reached the peak
A feat that is truly unique
While he’s touching the sky
We’re just getting high
As we keep up our binge-watching streak
Favorite This! Something was off just a smidge
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...Something was off just a smidge
Bout the sign just installed on the ridge
Guess he didn’t know
He switched the “E” and the “O”
And fucked up the name of the bridge
Favorite This! These things tend to end up quite gory
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...These things tend to end up quite gory
When life ends up in this territory
I’m glad they got out
But I can’t help but pout
Since they ruined a sweet ninja story
Favorite This! The zebra wanted to change his course
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...The zebra wanted to change his course
So they called the local police force
They chased him around
The small, quiet town
All just to catch the striped horse
Favorite This! The lotto ticket was worth over a mil
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...The lotto ticket was worth over a mil
But Nick lost it and then he had nil
He returned to the lot
Where a car part he bought
And found the ticket, laying there still
Favorite This! Twas a deal that she just couldn’t lose
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...Twas a deal that she just couldn’t lose
Tried to get rid of any kind of clues
But she thought it crass
To hide it in her ass
So she tried to hide coke in her shoes
Favorite This! Business wasn’t booming last year
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...Business wasn’t booming last year
Some reassessing their chosen career
But Fuechschen persuaded
Some goods to be traded
To make bread to help sell their beer
Favorite This!