For mayor, he wanted their pick
So on stage, he gave his shtick
But soon interrupted
As chaos erupted
Because of a drone with a dick
Favorite This! For mayor, he wanted their pick
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(No Ratings Yet)Loading...Favorite This! Some people care for stray cats
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...Some people care for stray cats
With treats and kisses and pats
And feeding a duck
Is not gross as fuck
But it is when it’s 20 rats
Favorite This! A man had been thrown in the clink
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...A man had been thrown in the clink
His release, just right on the brink
With his payment, he lied
And was sent back inside
For real, what did this fucker think?
Favorite This! The pilot just took to sky
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...The pilot just took to sky
And spotted what looked like a guy
Who had on his back
Some sort of jetpack
He’ll be lucky if he doesn’t die
Favorite This! A woman was holding her pup
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...A woman was holding her pup
When she dropped it, it didn’t get up
Drove to cops, in her car
Who then gave CPR
Damn, that lady really fucked up
Favorite This! This beefalo’s caused quite the stir
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...This beefalo’s caused quite the stir
He refused his slaughter to occur
His life on the run
Is over and done
Down to Florida, they let him transfer
Favorite This! This isn’t just some wedding cake
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...This isn’t just some wedding cake
It’s a quite famous keepsake
Over 40-years-old
Probably filled with mold
Someone paid two grand for a tummy ache
Favorite This! A ten percent tip is okay
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...A ten percent tip is okay
“Twenty is great,” some will say
But an NH guest
Promised the best
And left a tip of 16k
Favorite This! He was learning to shoot chipmunks dead
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...He was learning to shoot chipmunks dead
But this little shot, he misread
They’ll need a band-aid
Since it ricocheted
And shot his uncle in the head
Favorite This! In Baton Rouge, there’s been an influx
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...In Baton Rouge, there’s been an influx
Of close to about 60 ducks
The city’s fretting
And find it upsetting
But the birds, they give zero fucks
Favorite This! In Philly, they’re having a race
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...In Philly, they’re having a race
With attire, a bit out of place
As tradition goes
You don’t have to wear clothes
With a mask just to cover your face
Favorite This! He was diving on his normal route
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...He was diving on his normal route
Just working as a lobster scout
Caught in a whale’s bite
He put up a fight
It surfaced and then spit him out
Favorite This! “Oh shit! My wallet, I lack!”
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...“Oh shit! My wallet, I lack!”
After checking her wallet and pack
For so long she yearned
And now it’s returned
But at this point, why want it back?
Favorite This! Everyone knows how drinking goes
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...Everyone knows how drinking goes
Couple drinks then you’re boxing pros
But these dudes went hard
And one will be scarred
As one chomped the other one’s nose
Favorite This! The dumpsters they gave a peruse
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...The dumpsters they gave a peruse
Looking for what trash to choose
This instance is odd
As this hungry squad
Is not raccoons but cockatoos
Favorite This! Souvenirs are post cards or hat
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...Souvenirs are postcards or hats
Or even a meaningful tat
They stole some land
A shit ton of sand
What the fuck would they do with all that?
Favorite This! A man, he was tearing down walls
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...A man, he was tearing down walls
And made out with quite some odd hauls
Now under his house
It wasn’t a mouse
But a shit ton of bowling balls
Favorite This! There was a deal for some land
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...There was a deal for some land
But it didn’t go over as planned
The mess did unfold
When the tower was sold
You know someone’s getting canned
Favorite This! Rich folk have been taking some notes
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...Rich folk have been taking some notes
Wanting to marry their yards and their boats
They paid their fee
Now in NYC,
Is this boujee-ass park that just floats
Favorite This! A sunbather let out a loud screech
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...A sunbather let out a loud screech
No one knows how there it did reach
It’s quite some weird shit
That the gator made it
From New Orleans to a Texas beach
Favorite This! To sell it quite high was their aim
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...To sell it quite high was their aim
So to an auction they came
With the final bill
At nearly 2 mil
All for a Mario game
Favorite This! This guy is a real shitty dude
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...This guy is a real shitty dude
And this move was truly quite crude
He got some citations
For killing crustaceans
Spoiling thousands of bucks in seafood
Favorite This! In Thornton, crime filled the air
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...In Thornton, crime filled the air
Car break-ins gave quite the scare
They caught the felon
Not Roy or Helen
Instead, it was a dumbass bear
Favorite This! A German was looking through trash
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...A German was looking through trash
Then noticed something in a flash
He found some old art
Grabbing it was smart
‘Cause those things are worth quite some cash
Favorite This! In Alaska, a pilot had flown
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...In Alaska, a pilot had flown
“SOS,” a man’s rooftop had shown
Got attacked by a bear
And got quite the scare
Said the dick wouldn’t leave him alone
Favorite This! He grabbed his coat and his keys
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...He grabbed his coat and his keys
To put his hunger at ease
He didn’t stay calm
And threatened a bomb
For not getting sauce at McD’s
Favorite This! The driver’s window was ajar
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...The driver’s window was ajar
Just listenin’ to some NPR
The bug must’ve thought
“Outside is quite hot”
It flew in and fucked up their car
Favorite This! These gardeners just want to know
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...These gardeners just want to know
About seeds and how they should sow
But Facebook’s upset
Thinking it’s a threat
Flipping shit about the word “hoe”
Favorite This! The swimmers lined up for the race
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...The swimmers lined up for the race
All hoping that they’d win first place
They made some headway
Before the delay
As a boat was in the wrong space
Favorite This! That wondering steer, he did pass
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...That wondering steer, he did pass
He is back home and chewing on grass
Another is loose
Not a sheep or goosed
But now on the run is an ass
Favorite This! An aquarium is letting you bid
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...An aquarium is letting you bid
On belugas that Canada rid
People picking the name
Is a dangerous game
They’ll get something like “Asshat” or “Shid”
Favorite This! ‘Twas quite the odd task that they did
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...‘Twas quite the odd task that they did
By testing some things off the grid
They took from the sea
Put in zero-G
What happens, in space, to a squid?
Favorite This! People just want to have hope
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...People just want to have hope
Some get it from booze or from dope
What does it for me
Is this pic, you see
Of Spider-man and the Pope
Favorite This! Now Tesla may be a bit fucked
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...Now Tesla may be a bit fucked
As some drivers, from cars have been chucked
Cause robots were driving
Now people are dying
So Cali’s looking at misconduct
Favorite This! Do ETs exist? We don’t know
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...Do ETs exist? We don’t know
If so, they haven’t said “hello”
Some scientist’s thoughts
Think there’s good spots
For them to watch this shit show
Favorite This! Someone please make this guy a cake
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...Someone please make this guy a cake
For a year of jumping in the lake
Even through the cold
The stunt didn’t get old
Now next time he’ll have to raise the stake
Favorite This! There once was a bear in AZ
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...There once was a bear in AZ
That climbed what he thought was a tree
The utility pole
S’where he ended his stroll
Made it down and now he runs free
Favorite This! This girl, for her dogs she did care
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...This girl, for her dogs she did care
So she leapt on a whim and a prayer
Went in unarmed
And came out unharmed
Which is lucky when shoving a bear
Favorite This! Some jobs are for dogs and for cats
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...Some jobs are for dogs and for cats
To which they are paid in soft pats
Now Magawa is done
But he had a good run
Now a legend among bomb-sniffing rats
Favorite This! To her ticket, she gave a quick toss
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...To her ticket, she gave a quick toss
And considered the purchase a loss
But her friends held her trash
So she’d win the cash
For her, no more shopping at Ross
Favorite This! Some Ohioans are a bit slow
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...Some Ohioans are a bit slow
In getting their first vaccine dose
They came up with a plot
To get people their shot
With a chance at a nice wad of dough
Favorite This! A couple was digging a pool
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...A couple was digging a pool
When they came across something quite cool
While smashing through stones
They found really old bones
Which surely made their doggy drool
Favorite This! The Girl Scouts are peddling their treats
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...The Girl Scouts are peddling their treats
But this year, not using their feets
Traded their wagons for drones
To deliver to homes
But now In the sky, not the streets
Favorite This! GM’s making rovers for space
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...GM’s making rovers for space
Ones they can park at the moon base
They’re keeping it green
With their new machine
But now the astronauts, they can race
Favorite This! With this couple now no longer alone
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...With this couple now no longer alone
They decided to pick up the phone
The firemen came
What they saw, they did claim
In the chimney, a bunch of birds had all flown
Favorite This! Sometimes it takes all of your power
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...Sometimes it takes all of your power
To think of your commute not so sour
But a cow and a gator
Made everyone later
By blocking the road in rush hour
Favorite This! Does the idea of neighbors sound vile?
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...Does the idea of neighbors sound vile?
The thought of seclusion makes you smile?
Well you might be in luck
You grouchy ol’ fuck
Because now you can buy your own isle
Favorite This! He reeled with a yank and a swish
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...He reeled with a yank and a swish
She didn’t fight, like she had a death wish
While it may not have fought
They’re still lucky they caught
This monstrous, 100-year-old fish
Favorite This! Most can handle bad odors a bit
(1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)Loading...Most can handle bad odors a bit
Like the smell of wet dog or armpit
But quite a few flocked
To get their nose rocked
By this flower that smells just like shit
Favorite This! From Camp Marmal, they’re trying to clear
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...From Camp Marmal, they’re trying to clear
And get home with their weapons and gear
But they hit a snag
With one major bag
And have to ship a shit ton of beer
Favorite This!