There was an old count of Swoboda
Who would not pay a whore what he owed her.
So, with great savoir-faire,
She stood on a chair
And pissed in his whiskey-and-soda.
A foreman who’s known to be rude
A foreman who’s known to be rude,
Said something a worker thought lewd.
Though red in the face,
She’s got a court case,
So it’s his ass that’s going to be screwed.
I wonder what Christmas will be
I wonder what Christmas will be,
No merriment, good cheer or glee.
Now that Santa’s arrested,
Because someone protested,
That he laid some doll under their tree.
There once was an old man named Fletcher
There once was an old man named Fletcher,
Well known as a terrible lecher.
A kiss he would steal,
And he’d cop a good feel,
From a woman if he could just catch her.
Grandpa’s dick is undoubtedly fickle
Grandpa’s dick is undoubtedly fickle,
Like a typical shriveled old pickle,
For whenever he
Feels that urge to pee,
The most that comes out is a trickle.
There once was a young man named Jack
There once was a young man named Jack,
Who loved jumping into the sack.
For there was his wife,
The love of his life,
Aroused, with legs spread, on her back.
There once was a woman named Nancy
There once was a woman named Nancy,
Who waltzed with a man they called Clancey.
Soon after the dance,
He pulled down her silk pants,
Proceeding to tickle her fancy.
There once was a young masturbator,
There once was a young masturbator,
Who bought an electric vibrator.
She lost it inside,
But the reason she died,
Was its faulty speed regulator.
There once was a grown man named Roy
There once was a grown man named Roy,
Who as a young innocent boy,
Discovered his peter,
And thought it much neater,
Than books or a game or a toy.
An indiscrete deacon named Fred
An indiscrete deacon named Fred,
Coaxed the minister’s wife into bed.
She seductively posed,
With her blessings exposed,
Thank God for this heavenly spread.