There once was a couple named Kelly
who took crazy glue for petroleum jelly
They started to fuck
But found they were stuck
And had to get around belly to belly
There once was a man from Nantucket
There once was a man from Nantucket,
Who kept all his cash in a bucket,
But his daughter, named Nan,
Ran away with a man,
And as for the bucket, Nantookit.
A nudist by the name of Roger Peet
A nudist by the name of Roger Peet
Loved to dance in the snow and the sleet,
But one chilly December
He froze every member,
And retired to a monkish retreat.
There was a young girl from Madrid
There was a young girl from Madrid
who swore that she’d never been rid
along came a halion
with balls like a stallion
and rid her like Billy the Kid
There was a young man from Darjeelin
There was a young man from Darjeelin
who got on a train board for Ealing
it said on the door
don’t come on the floor
so he carefully came on the ceiling
A Man from Racine
There once was a man from Racine
Who invented a fucking-machine.
Concave or convex, it could do either sex,
But boy was it a bugger to clean.
They switched to the topic of sex
They switched to the topic of sex,
which left them both quickly perplexed
’cause she was still virgin,
and and he stunk like sturgeon,
and both were as old as a t-rex.
There once was a lad from Helsinki
There once was a lad from Helsinki
Whose prick was the size of a Twinkie
Said a whore, “For a shilling
I’ll suck out the cream filling,
But we can’t fuck ’cause your thing’s too dinky.”
Said a boy to a girl from Beirut
Said a boy to a girl from Beirut,
“I’ve had none better looking than you.
But don’t be quick to boast
For your cunt’s dry as toast
And it smells like an old dirty shoe.”
One drowsy old Countess of Florage
One drowsy old Countess of Florage
Would keep her mouth open for snorage
The Count still had fun
And when he was done
She had swallowed a bit of his porridge