Category: Original Content - Page 8

Do you remember that one dude?

His TikTok, many times has been viewed

He drank Ocean Spray

While he cruised the highway

Now his signed bottle, a museum, will include

We’ve been stuck inside for so long

We’ve been stuck inside for so long,

With our beer, our games, and our bong,

So we tried something new

Just to make it through

We be singin’ that old sailor song

Some people rock while others suck

Some are as dumb as an inbred duck

This dude was interferring,

With radio waves, commandeering,

He could’ve killed someone, the raging dumb fuck

On Thursday, our buddy Teddy Cruz

Was having a case of the blues

To the airport, he rolled

To get away from the cold

Now his people, he’ll have to shmooze

NASA’s rover just landed on Mars

Spending months floating through the stars

“Dare Mighty Things”

Written in the chute’s rings

Maybe one day we’ll make that world ours

This douche, he had stolen a ride

But found a child sitting inside

This he could not ignore

And drove back to the store

Then the mother, he decided to chide

The puffins are getting their wish

Herrings’ll lose space on our dish

As the NOAA

Came out to say

“For the puffins, save some of the fish”

Florida men are truly unique

This one decided to go for a streak

He didn’t stop there

Balls out, his ass bare

Stole the cop car, with havoc to wreak

A man from Turkey went to the ER

So Boncuk, she followed the car

The daily trek, she endured

‘Til the day he was cured

Dogs are better than humans, by far

In Key West, there have been some talks

To try and curb the chickenly flocks

Two-fifty per day

Violators will pay

To keep people for feeding the cocks

This proves congress is filled with dumb cunts

Instead of work, they pull these kinds of stunts

All this effort just to

Push this bill through

So rednecks can start their Bigfoot hunts

People love the fancy and fine

Like cheeses and grapes from the vine

But now that these pricks

Added this to the mix

Some’ll be too good for earth wine

Jackson had feared for a loss

So he bet about drinking hot sauce

The spicy stuff, he did shoot

Then others followed suit

His joke’s now raised 10k, like a boss

Ben and Jerry’s has made a new treat

Something yummy for your dog to eat

But seems unnecessary

The treat made of dairy

As they like to eat their own sheeet

Some break-ups just flat out suck

And feel like you got hit by a truck

But some cops from NC

Wanna fill you with glee

And lock up your heartless ex-fuck

The EU just gave the thumbs up

On mealworms, saying we can eat up

Fried or barbequed

But to me it’s not food

If I eat it, I’ll fucking throw up

The pigeon was set to be killed

“With disease he’s certainly filled”

From the US, they thought

Then found out he’s not

So his new owner is reason’bly thrilled

The blaze took their home, the poor cats

No place to hang their sweaters or hats

They’ve begun to inquire

On what started the fire

But suspecting it coulda been rats

Sadly, this thing is quite rare

Politicians who work like they care

From that dog and the goat

Our guys should take note

Cuz these animals are better, I swear

A young lad misread the signs

A young lad misread the signs
After reading the head lines
“In search of hot pussy?”
“I fuck all I see!”
Just don’t touch the felines

An Ohio man needed no dare

To keep him from cutting his hair

“I’ll cut it again,

If the Browns can win”

Six years later, a new do he’ll wear

We all do dumb shit when we’re drunk

Like gambling or trying to dunk

But this guy stole a sword

Then his guilt, he ignored

40 years ‘fore he returned it, the punk

A little contest, they decided to run

“A state dino would oh so much fun”

Hate to be the bad guy

But I think this is why

Lawmakers never get anything done

Lawmakers in the state of PA

Shared a historic moment, Tuesday

His mom’s the newbie

But if they disagree

Could make for a tense holiday

A bloke was in trouble down under

Stuck out in the rain and the thunder

Fisherman heard a yelp

And decided to help

This guy had balls to perform such a plunder

Gambling is quite the cash cow

A business where wallets say “ow”

These betters pay lots

On the flying robots

Seems like the future really is now

On the highway, it could have been struck

So the man got out of his truck

And to avoid any drama

Tried to calm the llama

But found that he was chill as fuck

Votes cast can be even, in which case

Some rules, must be put into place

“If a tie’s where you’re at

Then draw names from a hat

To decide the mayoral race”

To New Zealand, the woman had flown

But didn’t want to spend her night ‘lone

So the night man went up

To “cheer” the patron up

Then security caught them mid-bone

Last year’s better left in the past

So a question, LSSU has asked

“What words from last year

Did you hate to hear?”

Those related to COVID were vast

In Indiana, they’ve lifted their ban

One in place for a 50 year span

Now the hippies can run

They can play in the sun

And smoke weed in their Volkswagen van

A trucker was driving his route

When a loose screw must’ve come out

What the stores couldn’t take

Gave Bean’s Cafe a break

With free produce for them to dish out

Under his hair, he tried to conceal

Some cocaine from a sketchy drug deal

But this stupid fuck

Misjudged his luck

Cuz everyone knew his hair wasn’t real

The rodent emerged from its burl

Set its sights on an innocent girl

Attacked her right quick

The sneaky lil’ dick

So beware of this asshole-ish squirrel

In their mouths, McDonald’s, some cram

The burgers I get, but hot damn

This one’s unreal,

Who’d try this meal

With oreo’s, mayo, and spam?

By the snake, the man was enticed

But 300 bucks was just overpriced

Pet in hand, he took off

The fucking jerk-off

But stealing a boa is such a lame heist

The inauguration, Bernie Sanders was there

And people were thrilled about his outerwear

Quite crazy, it seems

That it spawned many memes

When all he did was sit in a chair

A pup who’d been gone for five years

Her family, so sad, filled with tears

But her microchip

Showed ownership

Her reunion, it called for much cheers!

The Sumatran is a dying breed

Zoo keepers encourage “the deed”

To the newborn that came

Kawi, is the name

Better than Bentleigh, or Jaxton, or Tweed

Everyone loves their cute pet

All the stress, it can help them forget

Over 200 Guineas

Is way too manys

Not to mention, all of their shet

We’ve all half-assed our jobs, just a bit

Maybe more than we’d like to admit

To have a whole operation

At the sewage station

Prob’ly makes wine just taste like shit

The parents had acted with scorn

The man’s heart, shredded and torn

His stash, thrown away

Was worth 29k

So he sued them for tossing his porn

A man, he had run off the road

And the sky, it snowed and it snowed

The car eventually shut off

As he froze his nut off

Now to the cops, his virility’s owed

Her neighbor was being a twit

Pringle just couldn’t allow it

So she hatched a plan

To fool the man

Now he owns a box full of shit

A man left some art by Tanguy

As his airplane took to the sky

Luckily, he got it back

As it’s worth a fat stack

But if I lost that thing I’d just die

Got the call, and the cops were in route

Heard of criminals after some loot

The boots hit the ground

But they soon found

Just some dudes, mid-video shoot

This man just, he wouldn’t quit

As he searched through 9 tons of shit

To go through all that stink

Really makes you think

How much cash was in that wall-it?

The players had all paid their fare

As they picked their numbers with care

But they were quite pissed

When they heard the twist

All those winnings, they’d have to share

Kids always have something to prove

This one wanted his grandad removed

Claims he’s related to POTUS

And insists that he showed us

As for the judge, he did not approve

In Bavaria, the statue stood strong

Twas as girthy, as it was long

The artistic hard-on

Was there and then gone

Now, in its place, a brilliant new dong