There once was a man from Racine (#2)

There once was a man from Racine

Who invented a loving machine.

Both concave and convex,

It could serve either sex,

Entertaining itself in between!

(But oh what a bastard to clean!)

An uptight young lady named Breerley

An uptight young lady named Breerley
Who valued her morals too dearly
Had sex, so I hear,
Only once every year,
And she strained her vagina severely.

There once was a lady from Thrace,

There once was a lady from Thrace,
Who’s corset no longer would lace,
Her mother said “Nellie,
There’s more in your belly,
Than ever went in through your face.”

A calculating lady named Kay

A calculating chippie named Kay

Never got “in a family way.”

She’d give the men rum,

Then show them her bum,

And that’s where she’d have them play.

(What more do I need to say?)

There was a young man of Devises,

There was a young man of Devises,
Whose balls were of different sizes.
His tool when at ease,
Hung down to his knees,
Oh, what must it be when it rises!

A bold cowboy from Laredo

A bold cowboy from Laredo

Had a member shaped like a potato.

While some girls would faint,

Others thought it was quaint

To use a potato to mate…OH!!!

There once was a couple named Kelly

There once was a couple surnamed Kelly
Who had to walk belly to belly
Because in their haste
They used wallpaper paste
Instead of petroleum jelly.

A young man named O’Doul

A young man named Marty O’Doul

Found a red ring on his tool.

He went to the clinic,

Said the doctor, a cynic,

Wash it off, its only lipstick, you fool!

A bugger who buggered some sheep

A bugger who buggered some sheep
Tried to bugger a ewe in her sleep.
She awoke with a start
And she ripped a great fart.
Now he’s covered in shit three feet deep.