There was an old pervert from Notts,
Who loved licking young ladies botts;
Whilst rimming one tart,
She passed a wet fart;
And covered his face in brown spots.
There was a fishmonger called Babs,
There was a fishmonger called Babs,
Who sold cod, skate, place and dabs;
But she had sex with me,
And caught my VD;
And now she’s a purveyor of crabs.
There once was an artist named Saint,
There once was an artist named Saint,
Who swallowed some samples of paint.
All shades of the spectrum
Flowed out of his rectum
With a colourful lack of restraint
There was a young Lady called tart
There was a young Lady called tart
Who felt she needed a fart
She stepped outside
And to her surprise
Blew over a horse and cart
There was a young woman from Ealing
There was a young woman from Ealing
Who had a peculiar feeling
She laid on her back
Opened her crack
And pissed all over the ceiling
There once was a girl from Aboritzwith
There once was a girl from Aboritzwith
Who used to take flour to the mill to bake crisps with,
But the miller’s son Jack,
laid her flat on her back,
and united the organs they pissed with.
There was a young tart from Southend
There was a young tart from Southend,
Who tried lesbian sex with her friend;
With a moan and a grunt,
She licked her mates cunt;
And loved the experience no end.
There once was a man named Dave
There once was a man named Dave
Who kept a dead whore in his cave
You must admit
She smelled like shit
But imagine the money he saved
There once was a young man who
There once was a young man who
laid an extraordinary long poo.
He let out a scream!
Can this be a dream?
That’ll never flush down the loo
There once was a man from Beijing
There once was a man from Beijing
Who invented a jack off machine
He put his prick in it
Done a thousand beats a minute
And turned his poor balls to cream