There once was a girl who couldn’t shit,
Because she kept playing with hey clit.
The doctor said “Stop!”
So she pulled off her top,
And started to play with her tit!
“I’m sick of Tchaikovsky”, said May
“I’m sick of Tchaikovsky”, said May,
“And this Handel and Bach that we play.”
So she put down her fiddle
And diddled her middle;
“It’s time for Depussy I say.”
There was an old woman from leith
There was an old woman from leith
Who would circumcise men with her teeth
It wasn’t for fame,
or love of the game
but to get at the cheese underneath.
The bribe that young streetwalker Stover
The bribe that young streetwalker Stover
Employs as a sexual rover
Is-to hand-job police.
As she gives one release,
She will giggle, “My cop runneth over!”
There was a young man from ‘Arrow
There was a young man from Barrow
Whose tool was like a vegetable marrow.
He said to his tart,
“Take this for a start,
And me balls will be along in a barrow.”
Contravening the guidelines on health
Contravening the guidelines on health
Butcher Frank likes exposing himself,
But he hides it away
In the sausage display
When young ladies come up to the shelf.
Lemon of Bremen
There is a great Lemon
in Bremen
reknowned for its pungence and tart.
When Moses crammed it inside his rectum
it caused the Red Sea to part.
I think that my neighbor is ill
I think that my neighbor is ill;
He’s in love with his automobile.
Every morning he’ll wank
In the gasoline tank
For it gives him one helluva thrill.
There once was a hussy so brazen
There once was a hussy so brazen
On each breast a red bull-eye she’d blazon
A lusty outsider
With mercurochrome dyed her
And shriveled her up like a raisin.
Once a young woman named Alice
Once a young woman named Alice
Used a dynamite stick for a phallus.
They found her vagina
In North Carolina,
And part of her anus in Dallas.