There once was a woman named Nancy,
Who waltzed with a man they called Clancey.
Soon after the dance,
He pulled down her silk pants,
Proceeding to tickle her fancy.
There once was a young masturbator,
There once was a young masturbator,
Who bought an electric vibrator.
She lost it inside,
But the reason she died,
Was its faulty speed regulator.
There once was a grown man named Roy
There once was a grown man named Roy,
Who as a young innocent boy,
Discovered his peter,
And thought it much neater,
Than books or a game or a toy.
An indiscrete deacon named Fred
An indiscrete deacon named Fred,
Coaxed the minister’s wife into bed.
She seductively posed,
With her blessings exposed,
Thank God for this heavenly spread.
A certain sweet girl from Key West
A certain sweet girl from Key West
Was uncommonly large in the chest.
Any man’s close attention
To her outside dimension
Brought his own measurement to its best.
The last time I dined with the King
The last time I dined with the King
He did quite a curious thing.
He sat on a stool
And took out his tool
And said, “If I play will you sing?”
There once was a man from Van Isle
There once was a man from Van Isle
Who said jogging just wasn’t his style.
“I’ll get my workouts,” he said,
“At home, in my bed,
‘Cause a Miss is as good as a mile!”
A woman he tried not to covet
A woman he tried not to covet,
Was horny and knew she would love it,
So taking a chance,
She wrote on her pants,
“Pull down here and you’ll see where to shove it!”
Old mother hubbard
Old mother hubbard
went to the cupboard
to get her poor dog a bone
but when she bent over
rover took over
and gave a bone of her own!
In the check out at the food store
In the check out at the food store
a nun was advising the poor:
“Hey you up in front!
That’s too many items you cunt!
And they won’t take food stamps for beer ya dumb whore.”