Tag: sex

He’d oft shoot his load over Dot

He’d oft shoot his load over Dot
And from yards hit the relevant spot,
But at eighty, instead
Of a geyser, old Ted
Merely dribbles it into her twat.

There was a young farmer from Delhi

There was a young farmer from Delhi
Whose thing reduced lovers to Jelhi
He had them in bed,
in the barn and the shed,
but alone he just came on his Belhi

From England there was an old bloke

From England there was an old bloke
Who picked up a girl for a poke
He pulled down her pants
Fucked her into a trance
And then shit in her shoe as a joke.

There once was a woman from Blight

There once was a woman from Blight
Her speed was much faster than light
I can now say
I fucked her today
And she came sometime last night

Oh never in all of her life

Oh never in all of her life
Had Belinda such trouble and strife
As when Tommy got stuck
In her having a fuck;
So she cut off his dick with a knife.

There was a young lady in France

There was a young lady in France
Who hopped on a Bus in a Trance
Three passangers fucked her
Besides the conductor
And the Driver shot twice in his pants.

There was a lady from University

There was a lady from University
Who was the sole of perversity
She was into candles
And all manner of scandals
And sexual positions in diversity

There was a young girl from Khartoum

There was a young girl from Khartoum
Who took a nancy boy up to her room.
She said, “Now, my dear,
Let’s get one thing quite clear:
“Who does what-and when-and to whom.”

There one was a man named Magruder

There one was a man named Magruder,
Who lived with a stripper and whooed her,
She said it was rude, to get whooed in the nude,
So Magruder got ruder, and screwed ‘er!

A man took some shit from his wife

A man took some shit from his wife
’bout the lack of good sex in their life
By way of apology
He whipped out mahogany
And her asscrack was soon in great strife!

Decisions, Decisions

There once was a lady named Sue,
Who never knew quite what to do.
When presented, by chance
with a man without pants,
“A blow job, or do I just screw?”

There was a young gypsy girl Rose

There was a young gypsy girl Rose
Who obessed for gentlemens’ hose
Up her pussy, And her rear,
In her mouth and each ear
And her cute little freckle-tipped nose.

Vidi a young Latin lass

Vidi a young Latin lass
And vici her heart and her ass.
She fondled genteely
My membrum virile
But veni too quickly alas.

A mezzo-soprano called Pat

A mezzo-soprano called Pat
Said, “I can’t sing soprano like that.”
Until one day she sat on
The end of my baton
And climaxed in upper A flat.

And Sheilas who wanted some fun

And Sheilas who wanted some fun
With a didgeridoo in the sun
Just visited Blue
For a minute or two
Or until they were didgeridone

Disgusting, perverted, obscene

Disgusting, perverted, obscene;
Quite unsavoury, know what I mean?
These are lines about screwings,
Unnatural doings
Activities rude and unclean.

Said a swinging young lady named Lyth

Said a swinging young lady named Lyth,
Whose virtue was largely a myth,
“Try as hard as I can,
I can’t find a man,
That it’s fun to be virtuous with.”

there was a young woman

there was a young woman from wharton street
her pussy was fat and juicy and sweet
so she opened her leg wide
for me to get inside
only then did she feel complete

I know a young blonde lass called Flossy

I know a young blonde lass called Flossy
Who some say is remarkably Saucy
Once, on meetin’ John Wayne
Says she “Hey – I’m for layin'”
“How ’bout you – and the rest of your posse!”

There once was an odious brute

There once was an odious brute
Who made love in his Sunday-best suit.
The result, as you’d guess,
Was a wet, sticky mess,
And a very chaifed maiden to boot.

There was a young girl who begat

There was a young girl who begat
Three brats, by name Nat, Pat, and Tat.
It was fun in the breeding,
But hell in the feeding
When she found she had no tit for Tat.

Said a diffident lady named Drood

Said a diffident lady named Drood
the first time she saw a man nude,
“I’m glad I’m the sex
that’s concave not convex
for I don’t fancy things that protrude.”

A newlywed couple from Goshen

A newlywed couple from Goshen
Spent their honeymoon sailing the ocean.
In twenty-eight days
They screwed eighty ways –
Imagine such damn devotion!

There was a young plumber named Lee

There was a young plumber named Lee
Who plumbed his girl down by the sea;
Said the lady, “Stop plumbing!
I hear someone coming.”
Said the plumber, still plumbing, “That’s me.”

There was a young man from Pitlocherie

There was a young man from Pitlocherie,
making love to his girl in the rockery,
she said, “Look you’ve cum,
all over my bum,
This isn’t a shag it’s a mockery.”

There was a young lady named Hilda

There was a young lady named Hilda
Who went driving one night with a builda.
He said that he should
That he could and he would,
And he did and it pretty near killda.