Category: Original Content - Page 6

The sidewalk’s where these assholes perch

In mailboxes, they do their search

Just looking for cash

To add to their stash

What’s the punishment for stealing from church?

On tickets, she spent her money

Her guest was a little bit funny

Brought to keep her chill

Gave the crowd a thrill

Such a hit was this therapy bunny

Pinatas hold some kind of stash

And to get them, you give them a bash

What Carolina did

Made it look like COVID

This one for sure we would all like to smash

The rattlesnake, he had to remove

“I can do it,” he wanted prove

Grab it with the tong

And heard its snake song

Then got bit, what a total dad move

A woman had gone for a ride

Through the air, a reptile flied

It broke through the glass

Really kicked her ass

But the turtle, it still has not died

They’re giving vaccines in Sin City

But this clinic is quite far from pretty

They had several spots

To distribute some shots

At the strip club, where you can see titty

Some neighbors were having a spat

But Kevin wouldn’t leave it at that

His anger, a fire

He slashed her tire

And at the crime scene, his finger sat

Some have found flies in their stew,

In their salad, a cockroach or two,

But a snake in your greens

Seems like it means

That Australia is just trying to fuck you

In CA, the situation was dire

So some goats they decided to hire

As they chew and they munch

On their grassy, green lunch

They help in preventing wildfire

Some crates were hiding a stash

What they thought were some soot or ash

Nor was it snow

But actually blow

And they threw it all in the trash

Some have slip-ups or embarrassing falls

On their serious business zoom calls

But this politician

Was in an awful position

Standing there just in his cock and balls

To the grave, you get one final strut

Then the lid on your casket is shut

You don’t see this that often

A fun, unique coffin

Like this one’s a cream-filled donut

Most of the oldies and churchgoers

Are fine with the engines and mowers

But one thing they can’t stand

And went and got it banned

Now no more loud, gas-powered leaf blowers

A man was just trying to do good

Helping others get by when he could

So he raised some cash

And made quite the stash

Then the US fucked this Robin Hood

He thought that his life was a breeze

Slinging some drugs for some fees

From his home, he’s been plucked

So now his life is fucked

All from posting a pic of some cheese

Now this woman truly was old,

But her hand, it was time to fold

Born in 1905

Many years she did thrive

She sure lived a life to behold

Their yard had acquired some litter

From a man who was so old and bitter

It’d been quite a long time

Since the start of the crime

But now they have caught the cup shitter

Their friendship had come to an end

So a message, James wanted to send

To ballistic from calm

The dick set off a bomb

To get even with his ex-best friend

The bird showed up at their house

And clung to one Westward spouse

He’s too protective

Or just defective

Now Todd’s best friend is a grouse

Some criminals, they just can’t quit

So these crimes, they have to commit

This goat broke down the door

Looking for a score

Rot in hell, you gross piece of shit

Such an age is quite tough to obtain

Which he claims is from chicken brain

Said that he liked to eat

Chicken brain, not the meat

But to me, he sounds batshit insane

This story comes from zoo in Berlin

Locked up in their cages, they’ve been

The monkeys got out

And wandered about

But have since been returned to their pen

Jurie thought the contest was unfair

Saying “The crown, she’s unfit to wear”

She took to the stage

In a jealous rage

And snatched the crown right off her hair

Rory’s shots aren’t often this bad

But this one was off just a tad

He lined up his shot

Then gave it a swat

But ended up nailing his dad

Some monkeys showed up in the bay

And so far they’re doing okay

They’ve avoided harm

Since they fled the farm

And now they’re in Florida to stay

Camille went on a walk with her bud

But the stroll became a real dud

From enjoying the breeze

To sinking to her knees

She found herself stuck in the mud

No one wants their wedding outdone

So these lovers had a little fun

Their license will display

The extra special day

As they were married on 4-3-2-1

The Lookouts had lost their mascot

“Someone must’ve stole it” they thought

They started their hunt

To catch the ol’ cunt

But found the costume in the parking lot

“I did it! I won! Oh my gosh!”

So she claims but she lost in the wash

With a simple goof

She lost her proof

Which might keep her from living all posh

A man had just bought some groceries,

Got to his car, and pulled out his keys

He looked in the backseat

Then chose to retreat

To get away from fuckton of bees

A lady had snuck into school

Undercover and playing it cool

This entire sham

Was for Instagram

To get followers, oh what a tool

A couple had feared for outbreaks

Which was causing them some headaches

But the couple claim

The purpose of the flame

Was to get rid of all of the snakes

As crews hacked away with their tool

The education board decided to rule

Chemicals caused a delay

So the kids couldn’t stay

Then turned a Macy’s store into a school

MMA is pretty damn rough

And those fighters are totally buff

In the midst of their scrap

Pliev’s finger went snap

Holy shit that guy’s so fuckin’ tough

These pilots, they got quite the scare

When they collided in the air

The two planes, they struck

And got lucky as fuck

A situation like this is quite rare

Robot research is making head way

And the future will be here someday

Sophia’s getting a start

By making some art

And out their asses people will pay

With the building aflame and on fire

Thought he’d better flee from the pyre

With a leap and a bound

He made it to the ground

It just wasn’t his time to retire

‘Member that cow who was runnin’ around?

In that small lil’ Rhode Island town

You’ll be happy to hear

That the ol’ roaming steer

Is back home and has finally been found

The chief tried to avoid a small meeting

What he did could be considered cheating

Now he lost his job

With a cry and a sob

A mistake he won’t be repeating

One last macaw in Brazil’s all alone

Where another might be is unknown

Guess all life is the same

But who can you blame

We’re just looking for someone to bone

NASA’s calmed one of our greatest fears

Some great news to pass through our ears

Earth will surely avoid

A hurling asteroid

For at least a hundred more years

Kami Rita’s again reached the peak

A feat that is truly unique

While he’s touching the sky

We’re just getting high

As we keep up our binge-watching streak

Something was off just a smidge

Bout the sign just installed on the ridge

Guess he didn’t know

He switched the “E” and the “O”

And fucked up the name of the bridge

These things tend to end up quite gory

When life ends up in this territory

I’m glad they got out

But I can’t help but pout

Since they ruined a sweet ninja story

The zebra wanted to change his course

So they called the local police force

They chased him around

The small, quiet town

All just to catch the striped horse

The lotto ticket was worth over a mil

But Nick lost it and then he had nil

He returned to the lot

Where a car part he bought

And found the ticket, laying there still

Twas a deal that she just couldn’t lose

Tried to get rid of any kind of clues

But she thought it crass

To hide it in her ass

So she tried to hide coke in her shoes

Business wasn’t booming last year

Some reassessing their chosen career

But Fuechschen persuaded

Some goods to be traded

To make bread to help sell their beer

Something was wrong with their dryer

A repairman, they decided to hire

So he took a look

And found in the nook

A snake with a mouthful of wire

The shoppers have begun to admit

Crimes they’ve seen birds commit

As they head to their cars

They swoop from the stars

And the ravens are taking their shit