[classic] Captain CarterFavorite This!
byu/ambivalent_apivore inlimericks
Category: Original Content
How far can our @POTUS run
Favorite This!How far can our @POTUS run
— OutonaLimericks (formerly POTUSLimericks) (@trumplimericks2) August 4, 2019
From the truth that affects everyone?
The demon we face
Is not hard to trace
It’s an angry white man w/a gun#gunreformnow #NRAIsATerroristOrganization @Limericking @Mick_Limerick @Limerick_News @maddow #ElPasoShooting #DaytonOH @LimeriTweets https://t.co/0b6WPFBCbb
In [City], a young white male plots.
Favorite This!In [City], a young white male plots.
— Liberal Limericks (@Libericks) August 4, 2019
He goes to [Place], firing shots.
Now blood has been shed,
As [Number] are dead.
[Republican] says, “Prayers & thoughts.”
♻️
In a restroom I thought me alone
In a restroom I thought me alone
As I saddled my ass to the throne
Yet the next stall hid
The man I assaulted
With blasts from my backside trombone
I’m just an average guy
I’m just an average guy
I’ll work and I’ll eat and I’ll die
I like to have fun
But mostly have none
So I sit at my desk and I cry
Here lies the body of William Jay
Here lies the body of William Jay,
Who died maintaining his right of way.
He was in the right, as he sped along,
But he’s just as dead as if he were wrong.
Favorite This!OP’s mom is such a low catch
OP’s mom is such a low catch
She lets anyone get in her snatch,
Don’t let it surprise you
With how many guys who
Ride her like transit for cash.
There once was a man from Nepal
There once was a man from Nepal
Who liked BJs best of all
His sis and his mother,
Gave him head like no other,
And coaxed from his dick a waterfall.
There once was a lass from Angola
There once was a lass from Angola
Who shared her boyfriend’s coca cola
Her anus bled
And now she’s dead
Because she caught a case of Ebola
There once was a vampire called Mabel,
There once was a vampire called Mabel,
With periods exceedingly stable,
Each night at full moon,
She’d sit down with a spoon,
And drink herself under the table.
Jack and Jill went up the hill
Jack and Jill went up the hill
so Jack could lick Jill’s candy,
Jack got a shock and a mouthful of cock,
’cause Jill’s real name was Randy.
There once was a man named Dave,
There once was a man named Dave,
Who found a dead whore in a Cave,
Ugly as Shit and only one tit,
but think of the money he’d save.
There once was a girl names Maureen
There once was a girl names Maureen
Whose cunt wasn’t kept very clean
The semen leaked out
Of her disgusting spout
Which she scraped up and ate with saltines
There once was a man named Barack
There once was a man named Barack
Whose Re-Election cam as a shock
He raised the taxes I pay,
and then turned marriage gay
And now he’s coming after your Glock.
There was a young dentist Malone
There was a young dentist Malone
who had a charming girl patient alone.
But in his depravity
he filled the wrong cavity,
God, how his practice has grown!
A lady while dining at Crewe
A lady while dining at Crewe
Found an elephant’s whang in her stew.
Said the waiter, “Don’t shout,
And don’t wave it about,
Or the others will all want one too.”
Sir Reginald Von Hubble of Joice
Sir Reginald Von Hubble of Joice
Did shave his balls-’twas his choice.
He sneezed,oh how sad!
The results were quite bad!
He now has a high pitched voice!!!
The limerick form is complex
The limerick form is complex
Its contents run chiefly to sex
It burgeons with virgins
And masculine urgins
And swarms with erotic effex.
“For Christmas”, she said with a tingle
“For Christmas”, she said with a tingle
“I’d love a gift cunnilingual!”
‘Twas with joy and surprise
She found twixt her thighs
The tongue of jolly Kris Kringle!