A proud lady nudist from Cottham
Had a very large boil on her bottom.
Every male who glanced it
Was eager to lance it,
In spite of her threats to garrotte ’em.
Category: Original Content
Here’s to a brutha named James
Here’s to a brutha named James
Who’s troubles the white man he blames
With plenty of bling bling
And dozens of offspring
He can’t even remember their names.
A crack about vanity
A vain man from North Carolina
Thought a goatee made him look all the finer.
His beard gave such grace
To his so-handsome face,
But his mouth now looks like a vagina.
A mathematician named Hall
A mathematician named Hall
had a hexadronical ball
the cube of its weight
times his pecker plus eight
is his number, give him a call
Linus pissed his kennel, to be sure
Linus pissed his kennel, to be sure,
At least he missed most of his fur.
I’m cranky, I tire
Heavily I respire
I’ll croak if much more I endure.
There once was a boy named Clayton
There once was a boy named Clayton;
Who believed he was king of the nation.
In his bedroom he had
What was needed by Dad
Because teamwork he seemed to be hatin’.
Carshaltan
The was a young lass from Carshaltan
Who had a long tit and a short ‘un
But to make up for that
She had a fuckin’ great twat
And a fart like an 850 Norton
Brigadier Fotheringay
Brigadier Fotheringay
Had a permanent trouser affray,
And his aim when he fired
Was so rarely admired
For his shooting went often astray.
Engineer dave
There once was an engineer named Gene
Who invented a sex machine
Concave – convex it take either sex
but oh what a baster to clean
Gershwin enjoyed the caress
Gershwin enjoyed the caress
Of the cows that he kept and I guess
Out of all of the herd
Which he screwed he preferred
To be stuffing his porky in Bess.
A randy young girl with no hair
A randy young girl with no hair
Promised bliss if I shaved myself bare;
But my scrotum is wrinkly
And awfully crinkly;
The hell I can shave myself there.
Jay and Butch
Butch was a girlfriend of Jays
She knew how to please him by days
but at night he grew cold
so his own dick he would hold
and Jay would beat off in the hay
There was a young fellow called Lloyd
There was a young fellow called Lloyd
Who was frequently under-employed
At his regular job
So he polished his knob
Making customers very annoyed.
Poor Gregory can’t get his pole
Poor Gregory can’t get his pole
Up his girl for a tumble and roll
For he has a square peg,
And his paramour Meg
Has a perfectly circular hole.
Man named dave
There once man name Dave
That kept a dead whore in his cave
She stunk
and she stank
and oh so rank
but look at the money Dave saved
Three of mine
There once was a woman from china
who had a magnificent vagina
so sweet, never sour
the thing had the power
to make men the dinner, and the diner
There once was a bitch on the streets
who said I don’t like to eat
so if I down an ounce more
as a twenty buck whore
it’s protein without all the meat
As a girl I thought it was funny
to dress up as a playboy bunny
my dad was perplexed
that I knew about sex
hence his jackoffs were no longer sunny
Vidi a young Latin lass
Vidi a young Latin lass
And vici her heart and her ass.
She fondled genteely
My membrum virile
But veni too quickly alas.
girl from philly
There once was a girl from philly
Whos name was unfortunately billy
When naked she appeared
Living up to her name the boys feared
they’d get banged by her 12 inch willie
A mezzo-soprano called Pat
A mezzo-soprano called Pat
Said, “I can’t sing soprano like that.”
Until one day she sat on
The end of my baton
And climaxed in upper A flat.
And Sheilas who wanted some fun
And Sheilas who wanted some fun
With a didgeridoo in the sun
Just visited Blue
For a minute or two
Or until they were didgeridone
Remember that Little Miss Muffet
Remember that Little Miss Muffet
The one with the tits and the tuffet?
I gave her my largest
Havana cigar just
To see if she’d puff it or stuff it.
GIRL FROM PHILLY
There once was a girl from philly
Whos name was unfortunately billy
When naked she appeared
Living up to her name: boys feared
they would get banged by her 12 inch willy
Hot seat
There once was a woman unnamed,
Whose sphincter was sore and inflammed,
With one application,
of “H” preparation,
Her personal problem was tamed!
Disgusting, perverted, obscene
Disgusting, perverted, obscene;
Quite unsavoury, know what I mean?
These are lines about screwings,
Unnatural doings
Activities rude and unclean.
A hooker named sue
There once was a hooker named Sue,
Who filled her vagina with glue,
As she said with a grin,
If they’ll pay to get in,
Then they’ll pay to get out of it too!
There once was a dog named Linus
There once was a dog named Linus;
He was a yippy thing – no shyness.
His kennel he wet
And started to fret
And woke me up with a pain in my sinus.
Deluth
A cheerful young Dyke from Deluth,
luckily lost her front tooth.
The space would provide,
an erect clit to hide
bringing pleasure without being uncouth
There was a young man from Savannah
There was a young man from Savannah,
Who met his end in a curious manner.
He whittled a hole
In a telephone pole
And electrified his banana.
Wenatch
There once was a girl from Wenatch
Who diddled herself with a match
When she got excited
The match it ignited
And burned all the hair off her snatch
An agreeable girl named Miss Doves
An agreeable girl named Miss Doves,
Likes to jack off the young men she loves,
She will use her bare fist,
If the fellows insist,
But she really prefers to wear gloves.
Said a swinging young lady named Lyth
Said a swinging young lady named Lyth,
Whose virtue was largely a myth,
“Try as hard as I can,
I can’t find a man,
That it’s fun to be virtuous with.”
There was a young man…
There was a young man from Oatley,
Who was wont to charge a fee.
With such a large organ
Admired by young Morgan –
He at once stripped off for free!
They all had a friend, name of Lee
They all had a friend, name of Lee,
Whose pecker hung down to his knee,
If he hadn’t a’ tied it,
The girls they’d all ride it,
And he never could use it to pee.
Gay male dirty limerick
There was a young man from Oatley,
Who was wont to charge a fee.
With such a large organ
Admired by young Morgan –
He at once stripped off for free!
His other young brother, named Saul
His other young brother, named Saul,
Was able to bounce either ball,
He could stretch them and snap them,
And juggle and clap them,
Which earned him the plaudits of all.
His brother, a bastard named Ben
His brother, a bastard named Ben,
Could rotate his pecker, and then
He would shoot through his rear,
Which made him the dear
Of the girls, and the envy of men.
There was a young fellow named Biddle
There was a young fellow named Biddle,
Was seldom hard up for a diddle,
For according to rumor,
His tool had a tumor,
And a fine row of warts down the middle.
there was a young woman
there was a young woman from wharton street
her pussy was fat and juicy and sweet
so she opened her leg wide
for me to get inside
only then did she feel complete
There was a young lady from China
There was a young lady from China,
Who had an enormous vagina,
And when she was dead,
They painted it red,
And used it for docking a liner.
4032!
there once was a girl from Peru
who had nothing much better to do
so she sat on the stairs
and counted cunt hairs
four thousand three hundred two!
There once was a man with a member
There once was a man with a member,
That would only stand up in December,
He said, “It’s too cold,
For a hard-on so bold,
I wish it would work in September!”
I know a young blonde lass called Flossy
I know a young blonde lass called Flossy
Who some say is remarkably Saucy
Once, on meetin’ John Wayne
Says she “Hey – I’m for layin'”
“How ’bout you – and the rest of your posse!”
Those crazy Peruvian women…
There once was a girl from Peru
who had nothing much better to do
so she sat on the stairs
and counted cunt hairs
four thousand three hundred two
A virgin with eyes that were blue
A virgin with eyes that were blue,
Was told that it’s sinful to screw.
So she rubbed on her clit,
But swore that she’d quit,
At least in the next year or two.
There was a young lady named Mandel
There was a young lady named Mandel
Who caused quite a neighborhood scandal
By coming out bare
On the main village square
And massaging herself with a candle.
There was a young woman named Croft
There was a young woman named Croft
Who played with herself in a loft,
Having reasoned that candles
Could never cause scandals,
Besides which they never went soft.
Contravening the guidelines on health
Contravening the guidelines on health,
Butcher George likes exposing himself,
But he hides it away
In the sausage display
When young ladies come up to the shelf.
Said a woman with open delight
Said a woman with open delight,
“My pubic hair’s perfectly white.
I admit there’s a glare,
But the fellows don’t care.
They locate it more quickly at night.”
There once was an odious brute
There once was an odious brute
Who made love in his Sunday-best suit.
The result, as you’d guess,
Was a wet, sticky mess,
And a very chaifed maiden to boot.
There was an old fellow named Paul
There was an old fellow named Paul
Whose prick was exceedingly small
When in bed with a lay
He could screw her all day
Without touching the vaginal wall.