There was a young maid from Madras
Who had a magnificent ass.
Not rounded and pink
As you probably think,
It was grey, had long ears, and ate grass!
Category: Original Content
There was a young lady named Claire
There was a young lady named Claire
Who possessed a magnificent pair;
Or that’s what I thought
‘Til I saw one get caught
On a thorn, and begin to lose air.
There was a young man from Cape Horn
There was a young man from Cape Horn
who wished he had never been born
He wouldn’t have been
If his father had seen
That the end of his condom was torn!
There once was a fellow named Perkin
There once was a fellow named Perkin
Who always was jerkin’ his gherkin
His mother said, “Perkin,
Stop jerkin’ your gherkin –
Your gherkin’s for ferkin’ not jerkin’.”
There’ a starlet who’s still in her teens
There’ a starlet who’s still in her teens
Who’s adept at removing her jeans.
And in X-rated flicks
So accomplished with pricks
That she steals all the pictures’ obscenes.
There was a young fellow named Dick
There was a young fellow named Dick
Who perfected a wonderful trick:
He’d get an erection
And scorn all protection,
Then balance himself on his prick.
Old Charlie, a jolly old bloke
Old Charlie, a jolly old bloke
Made love to a cow as a joke
He found pleasure divine
With this friendly bovine
Now they call him the old cowpoke!
I don’t mean to tarnish your cheer
I don’t mean to tarnish your cheer
But old Santa Claus is a big queer!
He fondles the elves,
Who pleasure themselves
With a bugger up old Santa’s rear!
Ginger was feeling quite gruff
Ginger was feeling quite gruff
Till he placed his head in her muff
Then she purred like a kitty
When his tongue hit her clitty
Saying, “I just can’t get enough!”
Ginger from County of Dade
Ginger from County of Dade
Said, “I think it’s time I got laid.”
“My vibrator can tingle
But it’s not cunnilingual”
And that’s how orgasms are made.”
There was a bleached blond named Dolores
There was a bleached blond named Dolores
Who had an unusual clitoris
It’s location remote
Was deep in her throat
Where she douched with a touch of Lavoris!
To Stan, Ginger whined and then sighed
To Stan, Ginger whined and then sighed
Her vibrator battery died
She got off instead
With ten minutes of head,
Then she gave Stan’s old willie a ride!
Said a horny young girl from Milpitas
Said a horny young girl from Milpitas,
“My favorite sport is coitus.”
But a fullback from State
Made her period late,
And now she has athlete’s fetus.
There once was pervert named Manny
There once was pervert named Manny
who stuck his long prick up his fanny.
Oh! What’s this shouting about?
Seems he can’t get it out.
He can’t shit, he can’t piss. It’s uncanny!
Once there was a man from Boston
Once there was a man from Boston
Who took a ride in his Austin
He had room for his ass
a gallon of gas
but his balls hung out and he lost them.
There once was a barmaid named Gale
There once was a barmaid named Gale
On whose breasts was the menu for ale
But since she was kind
For the sake of the blind
On her ass it was printed in Braille.
A hard-headed cabby named Peter
A hard-headed cabby named Peter
Was asked by a fare if he’d eat her.
He said, “It’s not free.
I will only agree
To go down while I’m running the meter.”
Goldilocks has lots of guys
Goldilocks has lots of guys
Pinnochio’s one, I’m advised!
She sits on the puppet
And sticks his nose right up it
And makes the poor fellow tell lies!
Ode to Janie and Joe
There once was a chick from Apache Junction
Whose herpes was so bad she could hardly function
Her boyfriend was Joe
And he called her a ho’
When he learned of his own infection.
“You, choirboy!” ordered the pastor
“You, choirboy!” ordered the pastor
“Bend over the pew for your Master!”
He said with a moan
As he slipped him a bone.
“Now just wag your tail a bit faster!”
there was a young man from Bude
there was a young man from Bude
stood fingering his girl while they queued
a man in the front sniffed and said cunt
just like that right out loud, fucking rude
We all know that tampons are spongy
We all know that tampons are spongy
And often times get rather grungy
But why they have strings
Among other things
Is so that the crabs can all bungee.
There was a young lady of Clewer
There was a young lady of Clewer
Who was riding a bike, and it threw her.
A man saw her there
With her legs in the air,
And seized the occasion to screw her.
There was a young fellow named Skinner
There was a young fellow named Skinner
Who took a young lady to dinner.
At a quarter to nine
They sat down to dine;
And at a quarter to ten it was in her.
A thrifty old man named McEwing
A thrifty old man named McEwing
Inquired, “Why be bothered with screwing?
It’s safer and cleaner
To finger your wiener,
And besides you can see what you’re doing.”
A lascivious monk from Dundee
A lascivious monk from Dundee
Buggered a nun in a tree
While deep in her ass
He chanted High Mass
And even the Pope came to see
The vicar of Santa Domingo
The vicar of Santa Domingo
Said to the curate, “By jingo!
Blast women and boys,
I need some new joys!”
And he promptly fucked a flamingo.
My back aches, my pussy is sore
My back aches, my pussy is sore;
I simply can’t fuck any more;
I’m covered with sweat,
And you haven’t come yet,
And my God, it’s a quarter to four!
There once was a man from Peru
There once was a man from Peru
Who was desperately hanging out for a screw.
He picked up a mole
And rammed home his pole
Then said, “Jesus, that was Long overdue.”
There once was a hacker named Ken
There once was a hacker named Ken
Who inherited truckloads of Yen
So he built him some chicks
Of silicon chips
And hasn’t been heard from since then.
There once was a slut from peru
There once was a slut from peru
Who filled her vagina with glue
she said with a grin
“If you pay to get in
then you pay to get out again too!”
That wily old pervert St. Nick
That wily old pervert St. Nick
Made good use of the curve to his dick
He glazed the whole shaft
Painted stripes, then he laughed
As he offered young ladies a lick
There was a young sailor from Brighton
There was a young sailor from Brighton,
Who said “Shit! Your hole is a tight one!”
Said the girl, “Shut your face!
“You’re in the wrong place!
“There’s plenty of room in the right one!”
There was a young lady from Brewster
There was a young lady from Brewster
Who’s ass was so nice that I goosed her,
But her panties were thin
And my finger slipped in
And it still just don’t smell like it used ter.
There once was a harlot name Sumi
There once was a harlot name Sumi
Whose pussy was not very roomy
Because of this
She was a popular Miss
And never once drove clients loony!
There once was a man from Australia
There once was a man from Australia
Whose backside he painted like a dahlia
The colour it was fine
likewise the design
but the aroma, aah that was a failure
There once was a girl from Azores
There once was a girl from Azores,
Whose cunt was all covered in sores,
the men who got pussed,
were desperate for lust,
and licked up what was left in her drawers.
There Once Was A Girl From Shrilanka
There Once Was A Girl From Shrilanka
Whose Cunt Was As Big As A Tanker
You Could Go For A Swim
In The Depths Of Her Quim
And You Needed A Lamppost To Wank Her
A wanton young lady from Wimley
A wanton young lady from Wimley
Reproached for not acting quite primly
Said, “Heavens above!
I know sex isn’t love,
But it’s such an entrancing facsimile.”
A widow who fancied a man some
A widow who fancied a man some
Was diddled three times in a hansome.
When she clamored for more
Her young man became sore
And exclaimed “My name’s Simpson not Samson.”
There once was a girl from Mitchen
There once was a girl from Mitchen
Who was scratching her twat in the kitchen.
Her mother said, “Rose,
You got crabs I suppose.”
She said, “Yes and the fuckers are itchin’!”
There was on old man called Tucker
There was on old man called Tucker
Who was a randy old fucker.
He’d line up a chick
And pull out his dick,
Then tell the whole world that he’d fucked her!
Man From Trent
There once was a man fron Trent,
Whose dick was so long is was bent,
To save his wife some trouble,
He bent it in double,
And when he came he went
There once was a man from Rangoon
There once was a man from Rangoon
Who was born nine months too soon.
He didn’t have the luck
to be born by a fuck
He was scraped off the sheets with a spoon!
There once was a girl from Lahore
There once was a girl from Lahore
Who’d lie on a rug on the floor.
In a manner uncanny,
she’d wiggle her fanny
And drain your balls to the core.
There once was a lady from France
There once was a lady from France
Who took a long train ride by chance.
The engineer fucked her
before the conductor.
while the fireman came in his pants.
They wanted to put Bill in jail
They wanted to put Bill in jail
For using his house to chase tail
But the judge wasn’t fooled
Saw no crime so he ruled:
“Not guilty! He didn’t inhale.”
A right-wing spin doctor who’s spun
A right-wing spin doctor who’s spun
Lurid tales about Monica’s fun
Exclaimed when his eyes
Saw the fruit of his lies
“We’ve gotten O.J. off page one!”
A D.A who’d just passed the bar
A D.A who’d just passed the bar
Told Monica, “Come as you are.
There’s no need to dress
We don’t want to mess
With evidence you can show Starr.”
A lady while dining at Crewe
A lady while dining at Crewe
Found an elephant’s whang in her stew.
Said the waiter, “Don’t shout,
And don’t wave it about,
Or the others will all want one too.”