There was a young farmer from Delhi
Whose thing reduced lovers to Jelhi
He had them in bed,
in the barn and the shed,
but alone he just came on his Belhi
Category: Original Content
There once was a man with no class
There once was a man with no class
And his balls were made out of brass
When it came to bad weather,
His balls smashed together
And lightening bolts flew out his ass
From England there was an old bloke
From England there was an old bloke
Who picked up a girl for a poke
He pulled down her pants
Fucked her into a trance
And then shit in her shoe as a joke.
There once was a philosopher named Pam
There once was a philosopher named Pam
With a libedo the size of Japan
While screwing in bed,
It entered her head
I fuck therefore I am.
A newlywed bride, Mrs. Young
A newlywed bride, Mrs. Young
asked the doctor to fix her torn lung.
When asked how it ripped
she replied as she stripped,
“That man I married is hung.”
There once was a lady from Nizus,
There once was a lady from Nizus,
Who had breasts of two different sizes,
One was small,
and round like a ball
And the other was big and won prizes
There once was an employee named Ross
There once was an employee named Ross
Who was fired one day by his boss
Because he was found
With his pants on the ground
Dripping nasty stuff into the sauce
There was a young girl of the Azores
There was a young girl of the Azores
Whose cunt was covered in sores
The dogs in the street
Wouldn’t eat the green meat
That hung in festoons from her drawers
“I have found,” sighed a hooker named Hickel,
“I have found,” sighed a hooker named Hickel,
“That Chinese Johns are kinky and fickle.
They screw me, then beat,
And hungrily eat me –
And the worst is those chopsticks sure tickle!
There was an old fellow named Paul
There was an old fellow named Paul
Whose prick was exceedingly small
When in bed with a lay
He could screw her all day
Without touching the vaginal wall.
Said a dainty young whore named Miss Meggs
Said a dainty young whore named Miss Meggs,
“The men like to spread my two legs,
Then slip in between,
If you know what I mean,
And leave me the white of their eggs.”
Horror movies were right in her line
Horror movies were right in her line.
The monster men made her eyes shine.
Her romance was rubble
Her troubles were double
She was married to both Frank and Stein.
Young Pedro from Malaga, Spain,
Young Pedro from Malaga, Spain,
Kept his wife on a short length of chain.
She could get to the kitchen
And bed but kept bitchin’
As if she had cause to complain.
There once was a girl from Belize
There once was a girl from Belize
Who could put fruit in her cunt with ease
If you’re drinking some tea
When she has to pee
Just ask “Some lemon juice, please.”
There was young man from Crete
There was young man from Crete
Who could shoot across the street
A chemist named Kelly
Would bottle the jelly
And sell it as “Extract of Meat”.
My god! I look ancient today
My god! I look ancient today;
Overnight it would seem I’ve gone gray.
I’ve got aches, I’ve got pains,
I’ve got varicose veins
And my pecker has shriveled away.
A worried young man from Stamboul
A worried young man from Stamboul
Founds lots of red spots on his tool.
Said the doctor, a cynic,
“Get out of my clinic;
Just wipe off the lipstick, you fool!”
There once was a man from Fort Myers
There once was a man from Fort Myers
Who wrapped his balls up in wire
He flicked the switch
And oh what a bitch
His Balls began to catch fire
There once was a woman from Blight
There once was a woman from Blight
Her speed was much faster than light
I can now say
I fucked her today
And she came sometime last night
Old George had an odd-looking dangular
Old George had an odd-looking dangular.
Rectangular? No, but triangular;
Isosceles too.
Three-dimensional? True;
Therefore tetrahedronically angular.
Oh never in all of her life
Oh never in all of her life
Had Belinda such trouble and strife
As when Tommy got stuck
In her having a fuck;
So she cut off his dick with a knife.
There was a young lady in France
There was a young lady in France
Who hopped on a Bus in a Trance
Three passangers fucked her
Besides the conductor
And the Driver shot twice in his pants.
A flatulent fellow called Bart
A flatulent fellow called Bart
Consumed beans for the sake of his art
And his silent but deadlies
Played beautiful medleys
That plucked at the strings of one’s heart.
There was a lady from University
There was a lady from University
Who was the sole of perversity
She was into candles
And all manner of scandals
And sexual positions in diversity
There was a young girl from Khartoum
There was a young girl from Khartoum
Who took a nancy boy up to her room.
She said, “Now, my dear,
Let’s get one thing quite clear:
“Who does what-and when-and to whom.”
She’s easily pleased is young Mandy
She’s easily pleased is young Mandy;
You just have to offer her candy,
Then down on all fours
She’ll say, “Take me! I’m yours!”
You should see what she does for a brandy!
That’s no way to behave
That’s no way to behave;
Why, your mother would turn in her grave
Yes, she might;
Though I turn her each night
Seeking fresh bits to screw and save.
Two lesbians north of the town
Two lesbians north of the town
Made sixty-nine love on the ground.
Their unbridled lust
Leaked out in the dust
And made so much mud that they drowned.
There once was a girl who couldn’t shit
There once was a girl who couldn’t shit,
Because she kept playing with hey clit.
The doctor said “Stop!”
So she pulled off her top,
And started to play with her tit!
“I’m sick of Tchaikovsky”, said May
“I’m sick of Tchaikovsky”, said May,
“And this Handel and Bach that we play.”
So she put down her fiddle
And diddled her middle;
“It’s time for Depussy I say.”
There was an old woman from leith
There was an old woman from leith
Who would circumcise men with her teeth
It wasn’t for fame,
or love of the game
but to get at the cheese underneath.
The bribe that young streetwalker Stover
The bribe that young streetwalker Stover
Employs as a sexual rover
Is-to hand-job police.
As she gives one release,
She will giggle, “My cop runneth over!”
There was a young man from ‘Arrow
There was a young man from Barrow
Whose tool was like a vegetable marrow.
He said to his tart,
“Take this for a start,
And me balls will be along in a barrow.”
Contravening the guidelines on health
Contravening the guidelines on health
Butcher Frank likes exposing himself,
But he hides it away
In the sausage display
When young ladies come up to the shelf.
Lemon of Bremen
There is a great Lemon
in Bremen
reknowned for its pungence and tart.
When Moses crammed it inside his rectum
it caused the Red Sea to part.
I think that my neighbor is ill
I think that my neighbor is ill;
He’s in love with his automobile.
Every morning he’ll wank
In the gasoline tank
For it gives him one helluva thrill.
There once was a hussy so brazen
There once was a hussy so brazen
On each breast a red bull-eye she’d blazon
A lusty outsider
With mercurochrome dyed her
And shriveled her up like a raisin.
Once a young woman named Alice
Once a young woman named Alice
Used a dynamite stick for a phallus.
They found her vagina
In North Carolina,
And part of her anus in Dallas.
For money, and something to clamp on
For money, and something to clamp on
Young Suzi inserted a tampon.
She diddled her cunt
‘Til she came with grunt
And then sold it still fresh with her damp on.
There was a young man from Wales
There was a young man from Wales
Whose yachting technique never fails.
He dines on baked beans
And plenty of greens,
And his farts put the wind in the sails.
That piano man’s surely the leanest
That piano man’s surely the leanest
and shortest and smallest and meanest.
I aquired him, said Feeny,
As a gift from a Genie
When he thought I said thirteen-inch pianist
There once was a man named Ray
There once was a man named Ray
Who fashioned a cunt out of clay
But the heat of his prick
Turned the clay into brick
And tore all his foreskin away
There once was a freshman named Lin
There once was a freshman named Lin,
Whose tool was as thin as a pin,
A virgin named Joan
From a bible belt home,
Said “This won’t be much of a sin.”
Two guys at a condom convention
Two guys at a condom convention
Attracted a lot of attention.
“s dong is the bigger?
“They argued with vigour;
But still it’s a bone of contention.”
A virgin by name of Miss Prim
A virgin by name of Miss Prim
Is exceedingly ugly and grim;
But she still gets her joys
In the absence of boys
From the toys she employs in her quim.
Said Siegfried to Roy at the zoo
Said Siegfried to Roy at the zoo,
“Be careful in all that you do,
Keep those lions at bay,
Or it will, I must say,
Be the first time a pussy ate you!”
There once was a man from Fort Myers
There once was a man from Fort Myers
Who wrapped his balls up in wires
He flicked the switch
And oh what a bitch
His Balls began to catch fire
There was a man named Moulder
There was a man named Moulder
who tripped over a boulder
instead he tripped on a rock
and grasped his own cock
and threw himself over his shoulder.
There once was a local called Land
There once was a local called Land
Who had a quite limber right hand.
One night he screamed,
“That damn Vaseline,
Some bastard has mixed it with sand!”
There once was a woman from New Zealand
There once was a woman from New Zealand
Who had a peculiar feelin
She laid on her back
And tickled her crack
And pissed all over the ceilin