Category: Original Content - Page 20

Clinton’s Disbarment Defense

They say truth is stranger than fiction,
and slickness is rarer than friction
With Clinton we’ve found
the rules upside down–
especially with language and diction.

The latest political treatise,
American Rhapsody teases
And generates laughter
because the last chapter
proclaims Clinton talks with his penis.

Bill’s heated reaction was fleeting
when he got his gene-mapping readings
‘Cause his genes present
a brand-new defense
against his disbarment proceedings.

And in his disbarment proceedings,
this brand new defense will be pleaded
His lips will not move,
and that’s how he’ll prove
the lies were all told by his penis.

The judge in such case must be awesome
to measure such jetsam and flotsam.
That must be why
when this case is tried,
the judge in the case is a Johnson.

There once was a lad named Cass

There once was a lad named Cass
Whose balls were made of brass
In stormy weather
They’d bang together
And lightning would shoot out of his ass

man from Bombay

There once was a man from Bombay
who fashioned a cunt out of clay
but the heat from his prick
turned it to a brick
and chafed all his foreskin away.

Lady from Exeter

There once was a lady from Exeter
so pretty that men craned their necks at her
one was even so brave
as to pull out and wave
the destinguishing mark of his sex at her.

A man took some shit from his wife

A man took some shit from his wife
’bout the lack of good sex in their life
By way of apology
He whipped out mahogany
And her asscrack was soon in great strife!

A frustrated factory slave

A frustrated factory slave
Tried to have sex with a lathe
But his bold penile pup
Was quickly chopped up
And entombed in a cold metal grave.

There once was a girl named Screw Ma’lue
She went out west to find her fricken best
When she fucked, she fucked for keeps
Laid her victims up in heaps
But in this town named Bad-Ass Crete
There lived a half-assed bastard named Piss-Pot Pete
With snot in his beard and shit on his feet
He had twenty-six pounds of swinging meat
Well Screw Ma’lue had met her fate
Turning back was much to late
Until this date today
Her drawers hang in the town’s cafe

Man from Mars

There was a man from Mars
he had Balls made of Brass
In rough sea weather
they short circuited together
and sparks came out of his Arse

Man named Jim

There once was a man named Jim,
Who downloaded porn on a whim,
He infected his ‘puta
While jerkin’ his shoota,
And turned his brain from bright to dim.

The once was a man from Nantucket…

There once was a man from Nantucket,
who had a dick so long he could suck it.
He’d say with a grin, as he wiped off his chin, ” If my ear was a pussy, I’d fuck it!!!”

Man from Leeds

There was an old man from Leeds
who swallowed a packet of seeds
blades of grass
grew out of his arse
and his bollocks were covered in weeds.

Decisions, Decisions

There once was a lady named Sue,
Who never knew quite what to do.
When presented, by chance
with a man without pants,
“A blow job, or do I just screw?”

There once was a man from Tulare,

There once was a man from Tulare,
Who got chewing gum stuck in his nut hair.
He said I’ll just shave my sack,
Cause it will all right grow back,
Or wax it like a porn star and go bare.

Chewing Gum

There once was a man from Tulare,
Who got chewing gum stuck in his nut hair.
He said I’ll just shave my sack,
Cause it will all right grow back,
Or wax it like a porn star and go bare.

Jane Train

There once was a woman named Jane,
Who often was pulling a train,
When it was shoved in her caboose,
Without any juice,
She screamed and she hollered in pain.

Roast Beef

There was an old hooker named Chariff,
Who let out a monstrous queef.
With the grace of a swan,
She said to her John,
“Does anyone else smell roast beef?”

Said a pretty young whore from Hong Kong

Said a pretty young whore from Hong Kong
To a long pronged patron named Wong,
“They say my vagina,
The nicest in China;
Don’t ruin it by doing it wrong.”

There once was a lady named Lucky

There once was a lady named Lucky,
Who used dynamite to give herself fucky.
They found her vagina
in North Carolina,
And one of her tits in Kentucky.

There was a young gypsy girl Rose

There was a young gypsy girl Rose
Who obessed for gentlemens’ hose
Up her pussy, And her rear,
In her mouth and each ear
And her cute little freckle-tipped nose.

There once was a woman named Jess

There once was a woman named Jess
Bisexual, she would confess
She loved a good dick
but pussy she’d lick
and leave both a wet gooey mess

There once was girl from DeVries

There once was girl from DeVries,
Who had pussy hair down to her knees,
It was fine to shine brass,
Or for wiping her ass,
And the crabs used it for a trapeze.

Hey lover, my precious, come in!

Hey lover, my precious, come in!
Yes my wife has now gone. Let’s begin
By removing your … ah,
You’ve no panties or bra;
Why, you’re wearing naught else but a grin!

An Australian farmer called Blue

An Australian farmer called Blue
Had a twenty foot didgeridoo.
They say that he slept
With the sheep that he kept
And he didgeridid them all too.

I once had a blog entry, so clever

I once had a blog entry, so clever,
But now I’m at the end of my tether.
Because it’s turned crass
And a pain in the ass
So now I’m locking it forever.

Crazy Joe Biden

Joe Biden told bodacious big lies;
“I’m known for my pecker’s huge size.
I showed it to George Bush;
He took it up the tush;
And at the county fair it won the first prize.”

A smart lumberjack named Reeses

A smart lumberjack named Reeses
was tired of having long feces.
He squat on the bog
and pinched off a log
and sawed the turd into pieces.

there once was a man named casse

there once was a man named casse
whose balls were made of spun glass
he’d cling them together
and play stormy weather
while lightening shot out of his ass

A Barrel of a bottom

A lady who had grown very plumpish,
Thought a short skirt made her look slightly frumpish.
She mused, “What a danger
That I might show a stranger
That my drawers no longer cover my rumpish.”

there once was a man from Bengahal

there once was a man from Bengahal
who liked to perform in a hall
his favorite trick
was to stand on his dick
and roll off the stage on one ball

The proud lady nudist

A proud lady nudist from Cottham
Had a very large boil on her bottom.
Every male who glanced it
Was eager to lance it,
In spite of her threats to garrotte ’em.

Here’s to a brutha named James

Here’s to a brutha named James
Who’s troubles the white man he blames
With plenty of bling bling
And dozens of offspring
He can’t even remember their names.

A crack about vanity

A vain man from North Carolina
Thought a goatee made him look all the finer.
His beard gave such grace
To his so-handsome face,
But his mouth now looks like a vagina.

A mathematician named Hall

A mathematician named Hall
had a hexadronical ball
the cube of its weight
times his pecker plus eight
is his number, give him a call

Linus pissed his kennel, to be sure

Linus pissed his kennel, to be sure,
At least he missed most of his fur.
I’m cranky, I tire
Heavily I respire
I’ll croak if much more I endure.

There once was a boy named Clayton

There once was a boy named Clayton;
Who believed he was king of the nation.
In his bedroom he had
What was needed by Dad
Because teamwork he seemed to be hatin’.

Carshaltan

The was a young lass from Carshaltan
Who had a long tit and a short ‘un
But to make up for that
She had a fuckin’ great twat
And a fart like an 850 Norton

Brigadier Fotheringay

Brigadier Fotheringay
Had a permanent trouser affray,
And his aim when he fired
Was so rarely admired
For his shooting went often astray.

Engineer dave

There once was an engineer named Gene
Who invented a sex machine
Concave – convex it take either sex
but oh what a baster to clean

Gershwin enjoyed the caress

Gershwin enjoyed the caress
Of the cows that he kept and I guess
Out of all of the herd
Which he screwed he preferred
To be stuffing his porky in Bess.

A randy young girl with no hair

A randy young girl with no hair
Promised bliss if I shaved myself bare;
But my scrotum is wrinkly
And awfully crinkly;
The hell I can shave myself there.

Jay and Butch

Butch was a girlfriend of Jays
She knew how to please him by days
but at night he grew cold
so his own dick he would hold
and Jay would beat off in the hay

There was a young fellow called Lloyd

There was a young fellow called Lloyd
Who was frequently under-employed
At his regular job
So he polished his knob
Making customers very annoyed.

Poor Gregory can’t get his pole

Poor Gregory can’t get his pole
Up his girl for a tumble and roll
For he has a square peg,
And his paramour Meg
Has a perfectly circular hole.

Man named dave

There once man name Dave
That kept a dead whore in his cave
She stunk
and she stank
and oh so rank
but look at the money Dave saved

Three of mine

There once was a woman from china
who had a magnificent vagina
so sweet, never sour
the thing had the power
to make men the dinner, and the diner

There once was a bitch on the streets
who said I don’t like to eat
so if I down an ounce more
as a twenty buck whore
it’s protein without all the meat

As a girl I thought it was funny
to dress up as a playboy bunny
my dad was perplexed
that I knew about sex
hence his jackoffs were no longer sunny